I am dating a guy who is mildly depressed. I have never done this before. Usually the guy will ask me out on dates, etc. However, my boyfriend is shy and gets depressed. Is it okay to call him and invite him out? I love being with him. But I also don't want to come across as a nag or as someone who just wont leave him alone. What should I do?
2006-06-26 06:43:37 · 19 answers · asked by bellacervantes 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
sure it sounds like its ok to do. times are changing. the guy doesnt always have to ask the girl out. sometimes it helps if the girl asks cause it lets the guy know you are interested and care about him plus it takes the pressure off the guy to ask.
2006-06-26 06:46:21 · answer #1 · answered by jmon 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he's depressed you might end up doing more than just asking him out on all the dates. If you want to be in a relationship where all things are not equal, which mostly relies on your bending and twisting for it to work, you are in for a "hard row to hoe" as my mother would say. If he's depressed how much can you really enjoy being with him and do you really want to be responsible for taking care of him and risk becoming co-dependent on his depression? I have a co-worker who's been going through this same thing, and now at the end of it, HE broke up with HER after all her twisting and bending. She's no longer engaged, they were buying a house together and now she's apartment hunting with only two weeks left til the end of her lease. He totally pulled the rug from under her because he said "he didn't know if he was UP to being married and a father and didn't think he had anything to offer her". After two years, now nothing! Because he's "depressed". I think you should reevaluate your relationship and see if this is a road you really want to travel down.
Good luck with whatever you choose to do.
2006-06-26 06:52:07 · answer #2 · answered by Brandy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you ask him or take him for that matter out, it would be greatly appreciated I'm sure. I am depression as well, chronic in fact and I'm shy and I would like nothing more than to have someone ask me out or drag me out to have some fun. It sucks being shy but I want to be social and have a good time. Being with people who care about you and you care about them makes depression kind of disappear for a while. It's nice. Keep it up and if you make him happy all the time, the depression might not even exist anymore. That is starting to happen to me and I've been with my boyfriend for 5 months now. ^-^
2006-06-26 06:50:27 · answer #3 · answered by Haruko ^-^ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is mildly depressed it is probably a very good thing that you are getting him out to do things. I wouldn't be concerned with always being the one asking. I am not to sure where it says that men have to be the proactive party in a relationship
I would be very concearned that he is depressed as depression is chronic if it goes untreated or changes in lifestyle are not made. If he is unwilling to do the work this is something you will be dealing with indefinately.
2006-06-26 06:47:36 · answer #4 · answered by smedrik 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course it is OK. It may be just the thing that he needs! If he seems reticent at first but you know he likes you too, then it is probably just his depression holding him back. Try just turning up when you know he is not doing anything else. Say to him "Wow it is such a lovely day, let's go do something fun!". It could be something as simple as a walk in the park or you could try something that he has expressed an interest in but never got round to doing!
Good luck!
2006-06-26 06:49:24 · answer #5 · answered by Tatsbabe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First thing is first...be a friend...in depression it's easy to latch on to someone and grow co-dependent! A relationship requires BOTH people to be able to contribute, he's depressed; you are going to feel like you are carrying bags of sand uphill. It's very noble to want to be there for someone with depression, but until BOTH people are mentally OK with themselves...a relationship will end up in bitterness and resentment. Be a friend, go out, have fun (hell even have good sex) but try to reserve yourself and your feelings somewhat... or you WILL feel like you're carrying him through the relationship.
2006-06-26 07:05:32 · answer #6 · answered by artist1974 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I just found a girlfriend after being divorced for 3 years. Depression is no serious matter. You can ask him out and if he is too far in his depression he is liable to say no. If he is not that "deep" he may go with you. But beware....depression does not just go away. If you get with this guy, you may be dealing with his depression for your whole relationship.
2006-06-26 06:47:28 · answer #7 · answered by thumper36301 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My boyfriend and I both have mild depression and we still do fun and excting things the trick is to try to understand them and find out when they go through the stages. remember depression is not something you get or in your head it is a chemical inbalance. Try doing something small yet fun when they realize that you are fun to hang out with they will forget the depression and probley want to hang out more. Jamie
2006-06-26 06:48:32 · answer #8 · answered by Jamie B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes when you are mildly depressed. You tend to lock yourself away and stay inside. I think getting him out would make him feel better. I bet he would be glad to get out. Otherwise he will stay inside and sink deeper into the Abyss.
2006-06-26 06:48:09 · answer #9 · answered by JENNLUPE 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would ask him to go out for short 'dates'; like, "hey, you want to go to lunch...my treat?"...and the pressure is off of him. Do that for a while...just short periods of time until he's capable of asking you. Sometimes depressed people want to be alone and have to be drawn out. Ask him what he would like to do.
2006-06-26 06:47:56 · answer #10 · answered by Sassy OLD Broad 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋