when argue or defending myself against somebody giving me hard time I allways cry and can't stop what can Ido

Question

I,m aCNA and my superviser is giving me hard time allways picking on me I just started on that job three weeks ago and is my fist job as cna and this nurse all ready write me up because i forgot todo something that she tollme to do i,m afraid if i speakup im going to start crying i know have to tell her something, two times i tried to hold my self and not show my feelings and fight back but my hart was pumping hard and i started feeling that i couldn.t breath and that freak me out i don.t know what todo

Answer 1

You need to get some self confidence and I don't mean that in an ugly way. That is all that you need in order to hold your ground. You need to know that you can keep it together when someone is putting you down and realize that it is just words and like the saying goes, sticks and stones break my bones but words will NEVER hurt me! Listen to what they have to say and if its something that you did, apologize, then just stand there and take what they have to say with a stone face. Show no emotion! Some people will keep doing hurtful things to people because the other person will take it and get upset and hurt. The person that keeps doing it is usually a sad person themselves and needs someone that is "smaller and weaker" than their own selves to make them fell better. Remember that the next time it happens and maybe they will stop. If they don't stop doing it to you, then at least you will have walked away with the self respect and self confidence that is needed to conquer whatever the rest of the world is going to dish out.

Answer 2

Most times there is no reason you should feel it necessary to have to defend yourself. People will believe what they want and most times when someone tries to defend themselves what is being said falls on deaf ears. Right before you feel the need to defend yourself take ten minutes and think: How important is this person in my life that i feel the need to explain myself or defend myself? If i try to explain myself will it matter to them or am i wasting my time?
It is possible you start crying because you are frustrated that the person you are at odds doesn't believe you. Next time you feel the need to defend yourself Stop, wait a few seconds and say
You can believe what you want. I don't have to explain myself to you and i would appreciate it if you stop giving me a hard time.
It will be difficult at first but with a little practice and some confidence you will feel empowered.
Short of being accused of a crime you didn't commit there isn't any need for you to believe you need to explain or defend yourself and get upset in the process.

Answer 3

i was like that when i was younger -- women are very emotional, that's why.
hmmm... what did i do? i guess i just started avoiding fights or confrontation. i try to get along with people. i don't force myself if they don't like me. if they don't like me, i'll just ignore and avoid them. life goes on.
i think we tend to cry if we were caught up with defending ourselves too much. i guess we feel victimized. i just keep a "whatever" attitude with me when people are being @$$holes, but i don't start fights. if i minded my own business, nothing will happen. versus if somebody were to test my patience and anger, then there's actually no time to cry, i will really blow and somebody will get hurt. that's me -- im extreme. im usually very quiet, but when i get mad -- people get shocked and that shuts them up. i guess it is also wise to use what you've got only when you need it. probably the reason why people are bullying you is because they can see right through you. try to be more mysterious and keep a low profile. people will take you more seriously if you've been keeping a low profile and suddenly be angry (if angered) they find this behavior unusual and this makes them think that something's up.

additional details: i didn't get to read your details a while ago. one suggestion, never ever cry at work. this would give off an impression that you are "weak", calm yourself down... when you feel like all these emotions are building up, excuse yourself for a while to calm yourself and try to see the problem from another point of view. think "i can do this, i can get through this" and say these things out loud to yourself -- believe it or not it helps. whenever im having a bad day at work, that's what i do. i just think "what else could go wrong? i CAN do anything i want. i can quit this job if i want to."

sorry to hear the things that you CNA have to go through. i am a nursing student, and they bully students also. i have a degree in respiratory therapy, they also bullied me when i was a student -- they left me all alone to cover the ICU -- all 10 patients! but i managed. i told myself i can do it. so i did, and also i realized how lazy they were -- leaving the responsibilities to a student -- they would not succeed if they were like that. so try to remind yourself, that people are bullies because they are miserable. they want to bring themselves up by bringing other people down. obviously something's bothering them. i've worked in a lot of places, been bullied many times. but became friends with the bullies eventually. they're like animals, they feel terrirtorial. just let them know that you are not there to take their job. you are there to do YOUR job. and i later found out from them that they bullied me at first because they feel threatened by a much younger employee and ofcourse they were scared that they were being replaced. so give it time... when a new employee works, then your supervisor will find a new person to bully. just do your work -- and if you feel like she is threatening you, speak to a higher official who will help you with that.

Answer 4

I had that problem when I was younger. It still comes up every once in a while. But I got it to stop by telling myself how embarassing it is to cry in front of people. My face still gets really red and my voice gets all shaky but I don't cry.

Answer 5

Trust me i know a lot of people who cry in temper, it's just that you get yourself so worked up that you cant controll your emotions, so you cry. When you have to defend yourself again count to 10, and as soon as you reach that point of loosing controll, say to yourself stop and take a deep breath.

Answer 6

well first thing make urself strong from inside i.e learn to control ur emotions and be a bit hardhearted and also ignore such confrontations if possible but this is not an ultimate solution to it

Answer 7

i always do that too. i don't know what to do about it either. even when i was a kid i did it. now i don't do it as much, but when people start in on my religion or something, i get really mad and start crying. one aunt of mine always gets in my face about my beliefs. i always stand up to her, but i still get teary-eyed.

Answer 8

grow a pair

Answer 9

my wife has the same problem...when she gets angry about something, she starts to gush, and all i can say is toughen up and get pissed about it, don't hold back just yell and scream at whoever is pissing you off....don't feel sorry for them, don't try to understand their point of view, just get it off your chest!!!

Answer 10

Grow up.