I have a 96 year-old father whom will not stop driving even though he has hit things.How can I get him to stop

Answer 1

put him in a home. You must live in florida b/c every old fart wants to drive but can't see the road.

Answer 2

If he is an unsafe driver then take his keys and hide them or remove something from the motor where the car will not start. Have his doctor say that he can no longer drive, if the doctor will not report this to DMV then u do and they will remove his licences. I am 80 and still work every day but by the time I reach 96 if I am so set in my ways and am an unsafe driver then my children should do the same to me. I hope to retire by the middle of next year, i only drive back and forth to work, and to my daughter's home (Day time Only) maybe once a month. I do not drive at night nor do I get on any freeway, nor go for a long ways. my car is 8 years old and only had 39000 miles on it, but I am a woman and sometimes we are more agreeable than men. But on the other hand my children have been trying to get me to retire for several years now. Told them my 67 yr old boss will retire next years and the reply I got , Yep ,Mom like there is no other jobs in Modesto, when you do not have a job to go to then I will believe you are retired. I have children in INd and Ohio and both want me to spend some time with them, beside my daughter here who has a mother-in law quarters for me here, but refuse to drive 20 miles(with gas prices nearly $4.00 a gal )each way every day to work, so will not go there till i finish my job.

Answer 3

Take your father to his doctor, and give the doctor the heads-up
about his driving record. It will be easier to hear it from a doctor.
Sometimes, you have to just exercise tough love and tell him
the truth. Find a moment, take his hand, tell him how much you
love him, remind him of the unpleasant truths you were told by him, years ago, and be strong. Offer him alternatives to getting around.
Be sympathetic and verbally confirm all the things he will feel
by surrendering car keys. He needs to know that you understand
that this is a huge loss. Affirm that you've respected his decision
making and that you know he wouldn't put anyone in danger.
My father was only 75 when he had to quit driving due to
a stroke and Parkinson's. I candidly asked him how he would
feel if he hurt someone (especially a small child) and whether
driving would seem worth the price that someone else had
to pay, possibly with their life. It is a hard subject to deal with.
Above all, be tender towards his feelings. If he still remains
fixed on driving, suggest an elderly driving refresher course.
Trained professionals can communicate truth in a non-personal
way. As hard as it is to be firm on this, think of the regrets you would have if he hurt someone, or himself.

Answer 4

Are you one of Uncle Lloyd's kids? He's still driving at 98, and it scares me to see him on the road!

Anyway, how often does your father see his doctor? If he has an appointment coming up, call the doctor and tell him of your concerns. He could tell your father that he is not to drive anymore, and your father might listen.

Another option is to try to convince Dad to give up his license for only one month. Tell him that you and other family members will drive him where he needs to go. Hopefully, during that month, he'll realize how well life goes on without his driving, and that he doesn't need to drive. Maybe he'll start to enjoy the chauffeur service.

You could do this in conjunction with the above idea of removing the coil wire. If his car doesn't start, he can't drive! Then you and others drive him around until he starts to not care about not being able to drive.

The last option is desperation: Call the police when he drives. If they pull him over and tell him that he is a menace on the road, they could take his license away. This will upset him A LOT, and really make him mad.

Answer 5

Baily: I just posted an almost identical question, and so I empathize with you. Now while my mother is only 78 (18 years younger than your father), she does face and pose other problems, issues and concerns. However, while reading a few of your postings, I ran across the women Susan who wrote you, and she made some valid points which I agree with whole heartily. But I'm also concerned that someone might get hurt, especially some kid or for that matter your father or my mother. So I too am at a loss as to how to handle it, while I don't want to take away her daily independence, I don't want her to hurt herself or anyone else. If you receive information you deem valuable would you be so kind as to pass it along, as I would really be grateful Baily. Thank you

Answer 6

I say take his keys away and firmly tell him why he can't have his keys. My mother had a neighbor who had 4 accidents in a month's time all within a 4 house radius. This neighbor was 89 at the time and still attempting to drive. Her children had to take her keys completely from her and remove the car from the home. It was for the good of everyone.

Also, give your dad an alternative solution to transportation. Maybe all the children can pitch in and drive him around. Give him certain days on when everyone is available. Also, there most cities have commuter buses for the elderly that will pick them up, and take them to places like the grocery store, to doctors visits, to pick up prescriptions, etc.

Answer 7

This is a tough one......is he very mechanically minded? When my mother got to the point where she was a danger to herself and others on the road she suddenly began to have "mechanical" problems. She always when to the same shade-tree mechanic so it was easy to fill him in on the problem and what we were trying to accomplish. It is SO difficult for seniors to give up the freedom of driving. But I would rather have the person safe than injured in an accident (or kill someone else). When she got the "problem" corrected she had a fender bender a week later. Then we tried the insurance is now going to be "X" number of dollars. We were lucky that my sister lived nearby and was available to take her and her husband to the needed doctors appointments and shopping. They had a little coffee group they would meet each morning and socialize. Sometimes a younger member of the group would pick them up and drop them off.

I know this is difficult. He is your father and he has taken care of you and himself for decades but there is a time to remove the driver's license. In my home state they require anyone over 70 to take a new test each year to get a renewal. Have you checked his for an expiration date? It might be the edge you need.

Good Luck.

Answer 8

You are really fortunate to have been able to share so many years with your dad. Driving is such an important part of a man's life, especially a man from his generation. Getting him to stop driving is going to mean that he not only loses something he loves, but also part of his freedom. It sounds like he has reached a point where driving is dangerous. I'd take the car away from him but make a point to take him out to drive at least once a week with you in the passenger seat. You still owe him from when he taught you to drive.

Answer 9

In Minnesota 3 things will trigger a driver's exam. 1) doctor request. 2) law enforcement request. 3) Report to the commissioner of public safety from a family member with the driving concern. It is best to mention specifics. Your information is kept confidential.

As an Examiner I get many Driver evaluation requests. It is not usually a happy event for the senior citizen.

Answer 10

Call motor vehicle and ask who can you talk to concerning this matter because he is dangering himself and other motorist on the road children, pedestrians etc.... let them know this and tell them all the information you can to keep your father alive and the people that would be driving around him and they will take his license away and you can then stop him by taking his keys I rather take his keys then lose him or he end up locked up for killing some one or hurting some one this is serious what did not happen today may happen tommorrow! God Bless!

Answer 11

Be direct and Firm, but Gentle. You could say something like"Look I know it is hard to realize that time has done a number on your vision and memory, but as many accidents as you had what if you hurt an innocent person?" "And each time you drive you make that risk for others." Or something like "Hey, since I think its time to hang up the license and you may not how about you take a retest?" Best Wishes.