Something I said? What do you think?

Question

I was helping someone who was sick and this person is realted to me and he was very demanding and complaining and needed everything done for him, no problem, in life we have to do things we dont want to do.

I dropped this person off at a persons house because he was going on a spritual mens retereat and conference, he was whining and complaining that he did not have enough money meanwhile I gave him enough money for the one night trip.

So as I was dropping him off. I looked directly at him and said you have exhausted my resources, you have stressed me out and maxed out my patience and I have no use for you tajke your luggage and go.

I am not sorry I said this because what I said was the truth and he called and apologized.

What do you do with people that exhaust your resources and patience? I know we are supposed to love one another, but how much are we supposed to endure and take, is it wong to set up boundaries because I have had to do that lately

Answer 1

I think you are wise to set boundaries. Sometimes we meet a person who is truly in need of a boost up from a set back or fall, but occasionally we all meet someone who just takes, and takes, and takes. There is a difference between being a support and being a crutch. If your help is bettering a person or helping that person to be able to better himself, then it can be very positive. BUT if you find the person you are helping is just letting YOU do it all and making no or little effort to improve his own lot then, you need to set up very solid boundaries. I think you may have done your relative a huge favor. Perhaps he didn't know how he was on a whining binge. Sounds like he was going to the right place for spiritual insight!

Answer 2

Religious people who congregate and preach to others are hypocrits and commit more sins than people who are close to god in an individual and personal way. Religious folks try to show everyone what good deeds they do in life, when a "good" person would just do the deeds and expect no thank you or need to express to everyone what a great job they did. You should not make someone feel bad and apologize just because you dont have the patience that some things take. Obviously you know that you reacted incorrectly or you would not be asking us.....Just have more patience next time.

Answer 3

It is essential that you learn how to effectively set boundaries in life. Unfortunately, what you did is not setting boundaries. It was simply snapping at a person’s behavior which you had previously tolerated. That person did not change his behavior. You just got fed up with it. By allowing this person to drive you to the point of irritation, you are only showing him how he can get under your skin. Keep in mind that just because he apologized, it does not make what you said right. He may be just trying to win back your favor and attention. When you have healthy and effective boundaries in place you are able to meet other’s needs by first meeting your own. Make a list of the things you will not tolerate in other people, then be firm. One boundary could be money. For example, at the point he asked for money for a trip (spiritual or not, this was a shady thing to do), you could have said, “I don’t lend out money. I guess we’ll head back to your place then. Perhaps next week I could take you to church.” Another boundary is time you’re willing to give. You could say, “I have only one hour today. What do you need me to do?” Then at the end of the hour, you look at your watch, say goodbye and leave (even if you are in the middle of something – be strong). Setting boundaries includes: knowing your values, knowing what YOU need to stay healthy (mentally, physically, and spiritually), knowing that if another person attempts to cross the line with one of your boundaries you have the right to say “no,” and understanding that by setting solid boundaries, you are opening yourself up to a richer, fuller, happier life.

Answer 4

It is not wrong to set up boundaries. The fact of the matter is, these people need to learn to rely not so much on other people, but on Christ. Of course he will apologize, promise to be better, but in a month or so he will be back to it. It's inevitable. The only way to change this is to get him doing regular devotions, to get him to talk to God first about everything. Until he gets that down, expect more of the same...

Answer 5

u did the right thing boundaries have to be set just cause we r christian we r not door mats any many will abuse and use us if we let them.
My hubby and I have been thru the same thing taken peeps in that had no where else to go loaned peeps money never got it back we still help others when we can but are a lot more cautious now

Answer 6

We have to love and care for ourselves or we have nothing to give to our loved ones. You didn't say how long you took care of this person, but if you feel you've done your duty, perhaps it's another relatives turn to help. I don't blame you for not being sorry for confronting the issue, it was obviously the end of your ability to cope with that person, but maybe you could've been just a little kinder in your termonology?

Answer 7

You were right to set this guy straight. He is a user. He needs to know his boundaries. We must forgive when they see the light and ask for forgiveness. Till then we must instill tough love.

Answer 8

Sometimes people need to know whats up. Try being as friendly as possible the first time you express yourself, but if they do not take the polite hints spell it out and be blunt.

Answer 9

It's not wrong to set boundaries. Everyone needs to respect themselves enough not to be walked all over.

Answer 10

You can still love one another. Just because you were honest does not mean you don't love them. Always stand up for yourself.