Am I really that bad?

Question

Everyone one here seems to bash me for being a home wrecker. I haven't wrecked any homes. I am discreet with the man I am seeing. I am faithful to him and he is the only one I have been with in 15 years so I would say I am that bad. Why is it worse to have sex with one married man in 15 years but acceptable to have sex with multiple single people over that period of time? I have only been with him a year but had no one for all the years prior to that. I know all about him, where he lives, his wife's name, and everything but I would never do anything to hurt him or his family. I keep everything discreet. I consider myself fairly wholesome when it comes to my experience with guys.

Answer 1

Oh, you're not a home wrecker or a bad person. So many people here are quick to judge; and at any rate, they don't know you at all and can't see the more complex aspects of you. And so many more act like their bf or gf or spouse is personal property instead of a human being.

I don't think having an affair makes either you or your bf a bad person, because there is so much more to a person and a relationship than just sex. He's making you happier than any other man in your life made you feel, and for your part you are no doubt filling an important need in his life that his wife isn't paying attention to. Maybe his marriage is still together because of the fact that you make him feel better about himself--otherwise he might feel like he has to leave his wife because he's depressed and unfulfilled. Who knows?

Yes, it's wrong, or at least not wise to have an affair but you both seem to be able to know the limits and to make each other happy. And you know it and are trying to find a long-term relationship with a single guy.

It's not a simple thing and those that have not had to go what you've gone thru are not in a good position to pass judgment on you.

Answer 2

I dont think you have experience with guys period. I mean you say that its good to be with someone for the 15 years instead of being with other guys in the 15 years. So honey, you have no experience. You do not know how all the other guys are out there. Why cant you find yourself a man that is single that has his life going for him instead of being discreet with a married man? Im not trying to give you a lecture about it, but come on, if you think you are worth more than a home wrecker then you should move on. But it seems you dont want too, so I guess you have to live alone and die alone without no one really loving you. Take that into conisderation why dont you.

Answer 3

I am no one to judge you first of all! The one thing that you can consider is what dol you want from your relationship with a man. To spend time with him only when he is available. If the sex is good and you are satisfied that you only see this guy when he and you can be discreet.. well, then so be it. I just hope his wife never finds out because she will resent the man and it could cause hardship to their family. I mean in truth you are just having sex with one person and committed to him. I think it may be something to consider is this enough for you.. and why is it you don't want a man who is available to see whenever.. good luck and no one should ever judge. We never know what goes on between two people.

Answer 4

It is not that you are a terrible person. Perhaps you are even a sweet , loving person. The thing is he is married and no matter hwo discreet you are it is not right. He is married to her and that is a commitment that should not be broken. If he has no respect for his wife to be sleeping with you then he has no respect for you either. No matter what he makes you believe. If you were madly in love with someone and you guys got married and it seemed like a dream to you what would you do if he was secretly sleeping with someone else. yes you are wrecking a home, but it doens;t mean you should be hated. People just want you to see how horible this act is and if you truly loved him then you would respect his prior commitments. good luck

Answer 5

No, your not bad, but it is bad cause you are going with a married man. Being dicreet is not good enough , because there will be a time that his wife will find out and you be right smack in the middle. You and him can't hide thing for every long, you know that secrets do come out or they find a way out. If I were you, I would leave this married man alone, why? How would you feel if you found out that your husband was cheating on you? And if he left his wife for you, how would you know that he won't do it to you? If he has kids, think about how hurt they will feel when they do find out. Now put yourself in his wife's shoes and then tell me do you feel the same way.

Answer 6

I'm sorry if I offend you but it seems to me that instead of you finding someone who is single you are seeing a married man, think of how his family will feel when they find out about your affair, so what you are doing may be discreet but in the end it will not only hurt him and his family but you too. If he really wanted to have a relationship with you he would have broken it off with his wife, obviously he is using you for his personal needs.

Answer 7

You are just a poorly paid whore. Why should you commit yourself to a man for all this time and not have the benefits that a wife would have?

You are robbing yourself of a future, financial security, a family, and in the end you will have nothing.

No matter what he says, you are his whore; plain and simple, and an exclusive one at that according to you.

Does your own self-loathing prevent you from feeling you deserve more.

Life is short, you need to break it off and grow as a person, and start meeting other men. You sound very insecure to me, you need to work on loving yourself first; then you will feel safe enough and confident enough to leave.

Answer 8

No, Your not that bad.

To start with their is two of you in the realtionship so at least half the blame has to go to him. If its your relationship in 15 years I can understand why you might have been a little lonely so perhaps you are guilty of a little poor judgement. (This is all guess work ofcourse becasue I don't know you.)

Be careful though, you are in a position to get hurt, in all probability this man will eventually feel guilty and break of the relationship with you. Perhaps its time to start looking around, there are multiple people who will adore you, you married man is not the only fish in the sea.

Answer 9

you are missing, what is most important you are assisting this married man with committing Adultry, Are you really happy playing second fiddle? its been fifhteen year and he didn't leave her for you yet, that is becaue he won't. so dont be his convience.

you say you won't do anything to hurt then but in reality you are, would you like to fall in love with a man get married then find out he is dealling with another women,would you like that, I am pretty sure the answer is no!!! get out of that siuation you deserve more. I seen how these situations end.My cousin was married to this women; then, he starting cheating with some one a little younger.well, him and his mistress started getting serious. they wined up having 3 kids threw out the course of the years but she never got him totally to herself she started getting tired of him going home to his wife and leaving her laying home alone. Poor kids there parent relationship started of as fun and got serious and the more years passed. It justified it was ok to not give her his all because he was going home to his wife and she already knew that from get start.well he got tired of hearing her mouth, he just see his kids now but they are not together. he is still with his wife and sleeping with other women (isn't he selfish!!!)

what I am saying to you, don't let no one show you or tell you what your worth;15 years is to long, it is obvivious he is not leaving his wife. don't you deserved to have someone give you his undivided attention; where you are # 1, KNow you worth.

good luck

Answer 10

I hope that you are older than 15, because if you aren't, well, he should be in jail.

What you don't understand is that you being faithful to him isn't the problem, it is that he is nor being faithful to you or his wife - get it. You should try to find someone that you can see who is single and just forget about this guy. Oh, one more piece of advice, remember, once a cheater, always a cheater...if he leaves her for you, he will leave you for the next young thing.