Sometimes, I cry when I remember my mother who has died long time ago.... What's the matter with me?

Question

My mother has passed away during my childhood and I miss her a lot... Now, I just live with my father and my twin sister together... just three of us. I don't have any fond memory with my mom... but I sometimes think about her and -I don't know why- I start crying...

When I ask my father about mom, he doesn't talk a lot about her. He only says that I resemble her a lot in many ways, I looked like my mom when she's about my age, and I'm inherited her talent on dancing and fighting... those all just make cry in the end...

What's wrong with me? Why can't I just let it go...?

Answer 1

I could have written this question years ago. I completely understand you. My mother died when I was 9 years old. I'm turning 30 in 2 days and I miss her every single day. It's hard, but I have always made myself go on because I know she'd be so proud of the adult I've become. It's normal and natural to cry about missing her so don't let anyone tell you differently. Grieving is different for every person and only you can know what is best for you. But if you need to talk to someone, please do. My dad had a hard time talking about Mom after she died. Like you, I'm the spitting image of my mother. Dad stopped believing in God and it was hard for him to listen to me when I spoke of her because he was having his own hard time coping with her loss. He loved her so very much and I'm sure you're father feels just like my dad did. It was hard for my dad to look at me too at times simply because I look just like her, and I have her talent for writing, a legacy I'm proud to carry on. Your dad just needs some time to cope as well. You might benefit from talking to someone else...a counselor or if you're in school, someone there can help. It's hard to talk to other family members about it simply because as I said, everyone deals with loss in different ways.

The best way you can remember your mom is to take all the wonderful photos you have of her and put them together in an album you can always cherish. In today's computer age, you can even scan them and burn them to a disk so they will always be there forever. And you can focus on the talents she left you just like I did. I made a very nice career out of writing professionally but I won't be satisfied until I get my first book out there, which first and foremost will be dedicated to my wonderful mom who even in the short time I got to spend with her, taught me that I could be anything I wanted and to be a good person, something I will always cherish.

Nothing is wrong with you. And you can't let it go because she'll always be a part of you. But remember that life is for the living, and I know your mom would be very proud of you today too. She left you a legacy...use it in her good name and treasure it always. Good luck to you.

Answer 2

Surely you don't really want to "let it go." You love her and she will forever be with you. You were sadly cheated out of a mother to raise and you need to feel her everyday. Perhaps, if you could find some way to channel that energy, to turn your tears for her into a life she would want you to have. Volunteer in her memory, take up her favorite hobby (it'll make you feel closer to her). Make a tribute to her, a scrapbook, poem or collection of stories that you do have about her.

Sometimes you just might be missing that mother figure and not necessarily your mom. Try volunteering at a retirement community. Perhaps you can dry someone elses tears along with your own, simply by playing a game together. Give it a try but don't be afraid to cry, nothing is wrong with missing someone you love and I'm sure she's holding your hand, crying with you.

Answer 3

Maybe you are crying not for your lost mom but for the joys, the intimate moments you lost by not having her around when you grew up. You are using your lost mom as an Icon(sorry I am being harsh but these are my honest thoughts about your situation)for what could have been but is not and are crying. It is not HER you are crying for but Yourself all that you THINK would/would not have happened if she had lived.

What you need to do is organise your thoughts and feelings. Write down exactly what is going on in your mind even if your pages are streaked with the tears flowing when you do so. When you are feeling a bit better after your cry read what you have written it will give you a great insight about what is going on in your head.

i am being a bit presumptuous here and I am sorry about it if I am wrong but I think you are a bit depressed. Why don't you talk things over with a friend or a close confidant?

God Bless.

Answer 4

Nothing is wrong with you. How can you let go of the desire to have a mother. I was 7 when mine died. Some times I still get upset and it was over 30 years ago. Find someone you can talk with because you need to talk. There is no time limit on grief and the loneliness of having no mother. In fact there is a book called "Women Without Mothers" in book stores now. You will never "let go" because you can't. Her blood runs in you. Don't feel alone. You are not.

Answer 5

There is an emptiness that is all the worse because you don't have even a memory to hold. Don't you have a grandmother, or aunt? You need the comfort and love that a mother or grandmother can give you. I can't imagine something happening to my son and me not being there for my grandsons. I don't know if you are a Christian or not but there have been two extremely lonely times in my life, and had it not been for the feeling that I had a friend closer than a brother in Jesus, I'm sure I would have lost it. If you are a Christian, or even if you aren't, ask Jesus to be with you and to be your comfort. He will never leave you, He has promised that.

Answer 6

You need a mother figure to help you through this. You can never replace your mother, but you can never change the past. You must go on with your life and be happy as that is what your mother would wish for you. Do you have a favorite aunt or another relative that you feel comfortable talking with ? I never knew what it felt like to have a father's love either, so I know where you are coming from. I hope you can reach a resolution with this and many blessings upon you.

Answer 7

Life doesn't always go the way you plan it, and every day isn't going to be happy and cheery!! My son is 12, and lost his dad to a motorcycle accident when he was only 2 years old..his dad was 25...i have always kept him busy by taking him camping in summers, and just spending tons of time with him. But my son wasn't the only person who lost someone, so did I, and it's nice to hear him say that once and a while. You are not the only one hurting, and maybe it's time you and your dad had a good sit down talk...but as for anything being wrong with you? No, it's normal to be bummed out over such a huge loss...and would not be good if you ignored it, and never let any of those feelings out of your system...the pain will get easier someday...for now, just deal with it one day at a time.

Answer 8

Losing a parent is one of the most painful things that will ever happen to a person. My father passed away twenty years ago. Mainly, I am busy with my daily life, so I am not troubled. Sometimes, I think of him and he is like a distant memory that does not upset me. And then there are those times when the pain of losing him is as fresh and raw as it was the day he died.

There is nothing wrong with you. You need to quit blaming yourself for the grief you feel. And, you need to let yourself feel it and work through it. Truthfully, you will feel this pain occasionally for the rest of your life, but it need not dominate your life. Let yourself feel what you feel, and then let it pass. Then think of all the good things in your life. Your mother would almost certainly not want to think of you suffering just because she couldn't be with you longer. The best way you can remember your mother is by trying to live a good life as the best person you can be.

Answer 9

There's nothing wrong with you. It's perfectly normal to miss your mother, especially since you lost her at a young age. I'm sorry that you don't have any fond memories of her.

Are there other family members you could talk to? A grandmother or an aunt or uncle, or even old freinds of your mothers? They may be willing to share some of their own memories with you.

I pray you will find the comfort and answers your looking for.

Answer 10

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you.. You may not have a vivid memory of her but that was still your mother.. It doesn't matter b/c that love for her will always stay within your heart even if you were to try to erase it out of your mind.. I lost my mother at 13. That was seven years ago and I honestly sometimes cry myself to sleep just b/c of the thought of her not being around.. It gets like that sometimes so dont worry it's completely normal for you to feel that way.. You miss her and that's just all there is to it...

Answer 11

You miss her and you wish that she was here so that you can share your life with her. There's nothing wrong with you, you don't want to let her go because there are so many things that you wish to know about her and not having precious memories of her makes it harder for you. You will cry from time to time just keep her close to your heart and think of her as a guiding light in whatever you do. Don't be regretful of the past cherish her for bringing you into the world and honor her for the gifts that she has passed on to you...Time heals all wounds...