I planned & executed flawlessly (if I do say so myself) my sister-in-law's very last minute wedding for no charge (I normally charge $700-900 for the services I provided.) Her new husband allowed my husband & I to use his work truck (at no cost to him) for our big move 2 weeks after the wedding. We have some furniture that we aren't using that they'd like "dibs" on. We saved back a few large items for them. They've already pushed off one item because they can get "a better one" for free. Another item they wanted they don't want to pay what we're asking for it & ran to my inlaws to complain about it. They think that since brother-in-law let us use his truck that we should offer a much lower price on the item. The time & money that went into the wedding w/o any compensation has simply been overlooked as some type of expected service. I don't know many people that would have done what we did. How do we approach my inlaws that we feel that they are wrong on this situation?
2006-06-26 04:34:24 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Many answers talk about considering the wedding planning as a gift...however, we bought them a sizable gift as well as the planning etc.
2006-06-26 05:25:40 · update #1
honestly, it's tricky when dealing with in-laws and even siblings.
money will ALWAYS get in the way.
it sounds like you guys were doing a great job at being family by doing things for each other...until the furniture.
i would be firm and explain that there was no agreement for payment for your wedding services or their truck services...so, all these situations are exclusive from each other.
tell them that you guys feel you are asking a reasonable price and if they don't want it for that price, then that's o.k. and you'll find someone else!
be kind and courteous about it, but don't feel that you are obligated to take a financial hit for family.
i would prob make a family price a little lower than i would a stranger price, but they shouldn't haggle with family...that's poor manners.
if they can't afford it, then suck it up, explain it's out of their price range and go find something else!
if they want to throw a fit, then they are the only ones looking selfish. you guys look like you're trying to help them by selling some furniture.
just be firm and now, you know how they view favors...for the future.
take care.
2006-06-26 04:55:04 · answer #1 · answered by joey322 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let me see if I'm understanding this correctly.
You did a wedding for your brother's sister.
Her husband allowed you to use a truck from his job, to help you move.
The new couple showed interest in a few pieces of furniture you no longer needed, but changed their mind.
Your husband's parents are now stating their two cents on the situation.
Let's now untangle this mess. It is wonderful that you handled the wedding! I've done a couple of these, and considered it my wedding gift to the new couple. Being a gift, you should not expect anything in return.
As to the truck, makes no difference if it cost him anything or not. He provided you with something you needed. He may not have paid anything for it, but he didn't have to do it either.
As to the furniture, they are newly weds, and with it having been a last minute wedding, things don't appear to be well planned right now. When they put the 'dibs' on it, it might have been the best deal for them at the time. However if someone offered them something better for free, can you blame them? While it is borderline tacky, to back out of a deal, it happens a lot. It isn't like they took it and then refused to pay for it.
As for the piece they think you are asking too much for... be polite, just state that this is the price you need. If it's too high maybe they can find a better deal.
In-laws... you know there is a reason stand-up comedians have so much material on this subject? Let your husband deal with them! It's his parents, and he can say things you can't and get by with.
Look at the big picture, it's just a couple of pieces of furniture. Is it worth starting a family feud? Sometimes we all have to suck it in, for the good of all.
2006-06-26 12:09:12 · answer #2 · answered by Robin 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The furniture should not be based on the wedding. Each "favor" should be looked on a separate entity, as none of you is able to provide a "reasonable" accounting of all services rendered. If you are asking for a certain amount of money for a piece of furniture and you feel that you could sell it to someone else for that amount, then you are being entirely fair. Perhaps offer them a token discount (maybe $50, but I'm not sure how much you're asking). You are under no obligation to "give" them anything else. And for them to run to the inlaws crying shows a severe lack of maturity.
2006-06-26 11:39:17 · answer #3 · answered by Goose&Tonic 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
To avoid resentments, one should never do anything for anyone if one has expectations attached to it, silent expectations or assumed expectations.
We all get ourselves into these jams. But, the bottom line is, if anything serious were to happen to a loved one, at their funeral would you curse and say, "Damn, I did this for that person and he never even considered returning the favor before he died!" Usually not.
So, suck it up, if your family is important to you at all. You may be in the right, but is it worth fighting over? In the future, make sure you consider in advance what you would like to be compensated for a job, or piece of furniture, etc. Don't let people make you do things because you don't want to upset them only to be upset by disappointing expectations after the fact. Respect your spouse and yourself first. You have a right to say "No" or "No thank you," or "Not right now" as well as you do to say "Sure," "of course," and "absolutely!"
2006-06-26 12:37:24 · answer #4 · answered by Chew on this! 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Unfortunately, some people think that the world owes them. Ungrateful people are never satisfied with anything that you do for them. Continue to be civil with them but stick to your decision. You have no control over what people think of or say about you....that includes in-laws.
2006-07-05 12:56:24 · answer #5 · answered by Kat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some chicks like to plan their own weddings. Perhaps in planning your sister in laws wedding you were really " overstepping boundaries".
2006-07-04 18:35:21 · answer #6 · answered by willberb 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell the inlaws to step off. Your stuff Your Price.
2006-06-26 11:39:23 · answer #7 · answered by ? 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tell it like it is. I did not and will not bite my tongue for my mother-in-law. She hates me and I could give a damn. She doesn't pay my bills nor does she do anything else for me.
2006-07-05 08:06:56 · answer #8 · answered by Lynda C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like they're a little spoiled and need to do some growing up. don't give in to them. you've done enough for them and now they want more.
2006-07-05 10:47:14 · answer #9 · answered by Eric D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are wrong on this.
You offered your services, how long are you going to hold it over their heads?
At the same time, if they're not agreeing to your price, then there's no sale. No more explanation needed.
2006-06-26 11:40:00 · answer #10 · answered by Tavita 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋