I have a couple of teenagers and for the most part everything has been extrememly good for us. My problem is that I have a hard time communicating with my youngest (daughter, 14). We just don't seem to "click". I have a really good rapport with the others, but my baby is just withdrawn, quiet, sort of in a world of her own. I make a strong effort to connect with her but I feel as though she pushes me out, and I don't know why. I pick her up from school / drop her off, I try to communicate but she makes it really hard, doesn't open up to me.
THe others are involved in everything... but the baby is just very introverted.
What am I doing wrong? How can I get her to come out of her shell. I want to be closer to her. Any ideas?
2006-06-26 04:16:22 · 18 answers · asked by olivia6799 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You answered your own question. You said she was introverted. That doesnt mean there is something wrong with her it means that is her personality and you must accept and respect that. Not everyone is an extrovert. Take pride in the things she accomplishes while she is so involved in her own world...she is listening. Don't label her as something wrong with her...catch her doing great things and praise her.
2006-06-26 07:49:09 · answer #1 · answered by rachel_waves 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is such a difficult time in her life and yours! This is an age when hormones, peers, society, fashion and school bring on more pressure than they can handle. With all this pressure, the last thing that teens want is a parent who wants to help them. Isn't that the craziest thing you ever heard? We just got over the same scenerio that you are experiencing now. Our youngest was a carbon copy of what you have in your home.
As long as you no longer call her or mention that she is "your baby" anymore, she will appreciate you. Then, as you start treating her like the adult that she wants to be, your conversations will be more like those that you have with YOUR peers, adults. Include her in adult decisions like; shopping, decorating, adult converstations. When you include her in YOUR life, she may smooth over the "rough spots" in her demeanor and treat you as a peer. Wouldn't that be ideal?
Give her space in her life and avoid squaring off when there is a problem. We have found that when we talk as their friends speak to them, normal voice and casually, they tend to listen more closely and grow into a partnership with us. The next thing I know, I have a helper in household chores and a golf partner, tennis partner, etc. When we make time for each other, the teen seems to take the relationship more serious. I always let my boys know how much it means to me when they spend time with me, instead of being with their friends. They are "too cool" for me sometimes, but they have grown out of that withdrawn stage that you are experiencing.
I will pray for peace and harmony with your child in the days ahead. You will notice a positive difference and thank the Lord quite soon.
2006-06-26 11:36:08 · answer #2 · answered by joe_on_drums 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tough one, I have had the same problem with my son.
My son would always talk with my sister about things much more so than myself. Do you have a family member that your daughter will talk with? You may want to make time for your daughter to visit with them. Keep anything that is told to you in confidence or you won't get anymore information.
Many children shut their parents out of their lives in order to gain some Independence. This is especially true of mother-daughter relationships. Pressuring her to "open up" will most likely have the opposite effect. Make time to spend with her 1 on 1. No pressure, no 20 questions. Just try to relax together, doing activities that she enjoys. Talking about how you felt about things at her age can encourage her to share. Be calm & non-judgmental about anything she says. Try to remember how intense emotions are at that age & allow her to "talk through" problems. Don't try to fix things, just listen. This can be very hard as a parent.
Has your relationship always been this way? Have you violated your daughters trust with information in the past? Do you compare her unfavorably with your other children?
You may also try talking with her teachers. You would be amazed at what they know about your child.
Are there signs of drug use? Poor grades? Troubled friends? If so, seek help now for your daughter.
If this is new behavior, your daughter could also be depressed. And in that case, seek professional help.
2006-06-26 11:44:22 · answer #3 · answered by momma dog 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like maybe she might be hanging with the wrong crowd or she might be hiding something. My 14 yr old daughter shuts down when she is hiding something. When she is not there you need to go thru her room. Read whatever notes you can find, call any of her friends that you know and ask them is there anything that you can tell me about my daughter that might be hurting her. You have to stay very involved. I wish you all the luck in the world.
2006-06-26 11:25:32 · answer #4 · answered by christy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It might not even be you, I'm not a mother but I am a teenage and I was the same way, I suffer from depression and that had a huge impact on how I communicated with my mother. You may not even see it but she might, If she doesn't open up go through her friends and siblings. They can be a huge help in your situation. Find out what intrests her, hobbies, movies music? you may be surprised of stuff you didn't realize about her before! Just don't blame yourself because you don't know what really is going on in her head... teenagers are confusing!
Best of luck and God bless
2006-06-26 11:22:52 · answer #5 · answered by Åⓝⓞⓝⓨⓜⓞⓤ§ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Find out if she really is Introverted. A therapist can easily help you figure it out but you have to get one that understands that there are physiological differences in the brain for Introverts and Extroverts.
If she is an introvert she may very well think something is wrong with her. She's expexted to be extroverted, which is very hard and draining for an introvert. It feels unnatural to us.
Introverted children are very hard to comuunicate with at times. They will when they are ready, after they think. Etc.
I think a counselor. therapist, for you to talk to first, is the best thing.
There may be nothing wrong with her and it might be as simple as changing your approach.
2006-06-26 11:26:17 · answer #6 · answered by Carp 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am not a parent of teenagers but I do wish you the best b/c my mom never made that effort with me and now I am a mom of 2 young girls and I make that my greatest effort to be close to my children and not to feel neglected by me. We live 2 blocks apart and I see her maybe once a week and I have her only 2 grandkids..
2006-06-26 11:23:17 · answer #7 · answered by ♥My 2 Cents♥ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My daughter is only 13yrs. old but i have to say if she did that with me id be very concerned that there was something going on. See right now she is very verbal about how she feels or what she wants.Was your daughter very talkative before if not id really be worried, still if she seems very closed off maybe you should seek advice from a counselor. I hope she and you will be alright good luck to you both.
2006-06-26 11:36:05 · answer #8 · answered by Lisa W 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am only 11 and i am not a parent. But i can help you. If that is happening, something has to be going on. Did you betray her in some way, abuse her of some kind? What you need to do is find something that she likes, and do it with her and find stuff that you guys have in common. Spend a day with each other. I should be a therepist when im older! lol
2006-06-26 11:22:01 · answer #9 · answered by austincatalano 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take a hike. No, really. Just you and her a day long hike.... even if you don't talk bring a camera and try and find interesting things together. Once you have that roll of film, even better if it's digital, you can talk about what's on there...which could lead to more talking. It always worked for my mom and me. My girls and I ( we live in a small town tho) occasionally take the camera and try to get people to do silly things for us...lol
2006-06-26 12:07:48 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋