Help me talk an 18yo girl out of having a baby so young?

Question

My fiance's little sister (19yo) wants to have a baby with her boyfriend (that she's been seeing for 3 weeks). i need you to help me talk her out of it. she's a baby herself and i know for a fact she cannot bring up a child. she wants to have a "baby", just like she wants to have a "new toy". i know her she will not stick it out for the life of this baby, she will get sick of it after a few months or after it stops being a "baby", just like she got sick of her dog after it stopped being a "puppy" now she doesn't feed or walk her dog her mum looks after it. and to make it worse her mum is all for the idea of her having a baby at 18 wth a guy she barely knows and getting married. how does she know she's in love with this guy? her longest relationship has been 2 months! she said she loved her last boyfriend and he ended up cheating on her. if you're thinking why am i making this my business its because she will be my sister in law soon and i WILL be involved wth all the dramas of her

if you're thinking why am i making this my business its because she will be my sister in law soon and i WILL be involved wth all the dramas of her bringing up this baby. The late night phone calls, the emergency baby sitter, I’m 26 and I’m planning on having my first child by the time I’m 30. I want to be prepared.

I just need some reasons to sway her away from wanting this baby. I know she hasn’t thought forward about this baby’s life she’s just thinking of “being a mummy” and the baby is just that, “a baby” its not a person to her. When I asked why she wants to have a baby, she said “I dunno, I just do!”. Those are not the words of someone prepared to be a mother. I just feel so sorry for this child.

This girl is 18, she can barely look after herself I know she can’t look after another human being. I’m running out of ideas.

I’m going to bring up things like, does she realize she won’t be getting any sleep when she has her baby; babies are expensive; u need to be there for them 24-7; you can’t go out with your friends when ever u want anymore; u r responsible for this lfe and no one else; if things don’t work out with this guy u have to deal with the fact you may be a single parent on welfare; single parent welfare is not nearly enough money to bring up a child on; the guy is giving up nothing, u are giving up your looks, your figure and your life to have and take care of this child, if he feels he’s had enough he can leave u but you are the one responsible for the child; if he doesn’t get up in the middle of the night every time the baby cries (which he prolly wont) u’ll have to do it;

when women have babies, the husband/partner can feel neglected and if u don’t build a strong foundation before you plan to have a child, your partner may not understand that even tho u still love him, your baby comes first

can you suggest anything else for me to bring up? this is a baby having a baby, so i'm trying to talk her out of making a catestrophic life mistake. i dont' want her to waste her youth. help me please

she's not yet pregnant, she's TRYING to get pregnant with her bf of two weeks.

if she was pregnant then yes her decision. i would never talk anyone into an abortion its their decision but because she's TRYING to have a baby, so i want to talk her out of it.

Answer 1

Unfortunately, you are not the one making the decision. I respect that you want to stop her from making a bad choice, but you can not stop it if her mother is telling her to go for it. She is going to do whatever she wants. Especially since she is so immature. All you can do is hope that it doesn't happen. Also, if you are going to marry her brother, you are going to be marrying his family too. So this is not the only drama his sister is going to put you through. Besides who knows maybe she will grow up sooner than expected. Babies can do that to a person. Either way good luck. Try mentioning the fact that they will have to cut her vagina and she will have stitches in it for weeks. That keeps me from having one lol.

Answer 2

The unfortunate thing is sometimes people need to learn things the hard way. I would have a conversation with her mother (who will inevitably end up caring for this child if the girl is as bad as you say). If that doesn't work, try setting her up to talk to a single mother. Chances are, the boyfriend knows nothing about her intentions and when she ends up pregnant so soon in their relationship he will leave her in the dust (not definite, though, there are good guys out there). If she really thinks she "loves" this guy, maybe telling her that she could lose him would help.

I had a friend a few years ago who had two kids (both from high school and right after) and now her mother has had to adopt them because her life has spiraled out of control. In fact, she is now pregnant with her third. Now her poor mother will have to raise a newborn on top of her other two kids. (BTW, she is now 31 years old - some women are just not meant to have children. They're too selfish to realize what it actually entails.)

Answer 3

well if her mom is encouraging it or even ok with it, it isn't likely you'll have much of an effect on her, as sad as that may be. Don't put yourself under too much pressure here, she's an adult, maybe not emotionally from what you're saying, but she'll have to live with the decisions she makes. Maybe try showing her what she'll miss out on during her twenties by having to stay home all the time and take care of her child. But you never know either, maybe this is a natural incling just trying to come out and she'll be a great mother; it is after all, our society that has changed, not the age at which women can have children. I would be upset if my daughter were thinking that way, ask her what she wants to be doing in 5 years, then tell her how hard it will be with a child to look after. Good luck

Answer 4

I don't know....as a person that had a baby when I was 18. I think I'm doing just fine. In-fact I have two kids that are 7 and 10 now and they are doing fine. I think your making a big deal about nothing and its her life her choice and her problem. All you can do is stand back and watch. If you want to be part of that family it would be a good idea to stay out of it or you may find the sister and the mother may make it difficult for you. Instead of being negative try be supportive you maybe surprise with the out come.

Answer 5

You seemed convinced that she is not ready. The fact that she wants to have a child with a person she just met is proof of that.

This is the sad part, she won't listen to anything you have to say unless she has a great respect for you; even then you might be talking to a wall.

Here are some suggestions;

Do you have a friend that has a newborn or young child? If so go visit, let her tell your fiancee's sister what it was like having a child and what it is like caring for that child.

Talk to your mother-in-law, maybe she should turn to her daughter and tell her that since she feels she is ready for a child she is also ready to care for that dog and that she is now fully responsible to take care of the dog. This means being home at feeding times and walking times. The deal on this should be that if she is not willing to care for the dog it won't be given away, it will be put to sleep. I know this might sound cruel but you have to enforce the meaning of responsibility.

Talk to the baby father to be. To him you should talk about his fiscal responsibilities. If he is working tell him that he needs to put half his pay cheque away to get ready for the cost of a child. He should also start paying rent and food for the mother when she gets pregnant.

BUT..... before doing all this talk to your fiancee, you never stated his view on all this. You need his support, if not then you are only going to make waves which could have an adverse effect on your relationship with him. To be effective you need co-operation or it is a lost cause.

Good luck.

Answer 6

WOW! You already have some wonderful answers and I agree with most of them. Although the one about borrowing someone Else's child? I wouldn't want to trust her with a real baby at this point if what you say about her is true. Want to know how I talked my 19yr old daughter out of having a baby?
1. Give her a small pink or blue baby blanket.
2. This is now her child for 2 weeks.
3. She must care for this blanket as if it were her child.
4. Show her, do not do for her, what it is that baby needs.
5. Every three hours call her and tell her the baby is crying.
6. Wake her up at the wee hours of the morning, (Baby crying again).
7. Invite her out with the girls. (She can't take the baby so she needs to find a paying sitter) Baby's don't go to Pubs.
8.Take her to the market and show her how expensive diapers, formula, baby food, shampoo, baby wash, baby clothes, etc, are!
9. Keep her so exhausted that she will have to except that she is not ready to have a baby.
P.S. She will feel ridiculous at times because that blanket should be glued to her hip 24/7. Good Luck

Answer 7

You might be wrong - I had my first daughter when I was 19 (she is now 8 years old)... I was a single mother...and I wouldn't trade her for the world...I couldn't imagine how I might have been if it wasn't for her....she helped me grow up fast and made me realize I wanted to be the best mother I could - she actually settled me down....I am now married and have another daughter who just turned 5. Instead of being so negative towards her - just let her know that no matter what happens - you will be there for her...how do you know she will even want you involved in "all the dramas" of her?...Maybe your worried if she has a baby now - this will take away some attention from yourself?...Just a thought

Answer 8

those sound like some pretty good ideas already..i agree she does sound too much like a 5 year old wanting a candy bar. I suggest maybe you should take her to someone or have someone volunteer their baby for a week and let them watch her and show her exactly how hard it is to raise a baby with or without a father. It doesnt matter what age you have a baby whether at 18 or 40..its still hard to raise a baby..but I agree she needs to have some maturity first. There has got to be some program in your area that can help you out more. I hope you get throught her head real fast....or make it clear that you will NOT be helping her out if that boyfriend leaves her and she winds up pregnant..or something to that effect......

Answer 9

Well its a TON of responsibility. Being 18, you still have a lot stuff you wanna do - travel, hang out, etc. Don't expect someone else to take care of the baby while going out to party. It is not fair for the child to suffer because the parent was too young and now wants to do all the things young people do.

Answer 10

I understand your consern but unfortuantly there is nothing you can do. Hopefully she will wake up (before shes pregant) and realize that this is a decision that takes time and money and responsibility and will totally change her life. No one is ever truly prepared to have kids but from my experience it shouldnt be rushed. I got married right before i turned 19 to a guy i knew 6 months and got pregnant right away with TWINS. I love my kids for the world and i wouldnt trade them for anything but life is hard now. My relationchip fell to pieces, im still workin crap jobs and so is he, i dont have time or money for higher education yet and my life overall sucks. I love my kids with all of my heart but it did change my life so hopefully she will somehow get a braincell and waite a lil longer. And if she does have a child just pray that she takes the responsibility and loves it as i did even if she isnt "ready" yet.