can a family be controling?

Question

Well the reason for this question i am in my early 20's and I am starting to grow up and be more dependant however my parents especialy my mom thinks I should be around more often. However i can't do to my job and school. Ever since i was six i was looked upon as not only her son but the man of the house and now that she is remarried with more children she still looks at me that way and instead of expressing her frustrations that she has with my step dad she takes it out on me and gets upset when she cant get hjer way and blames me for all of this. Sometimes i feel guilty and tend to think everything is my fault and I dont deserve to live. I dont know what to do i went to therapy and i try to speak to her like an adult and a human being and she get all huffy and puffy. This makes me feel like disapearing because growing up is hard enough as it is.

Answer 1

I'm in my 40's and my mother still treats me like I'm a child because I am her child and that will never change she loves you and cares about you and count yourself lucky some mother's don't give a *amm about their children.

Answer 2

You have always been there for your Mom and she is having a hard time letting go of you. It's tough enough to try to work and go to school without having to deal with the problems with your mom and stepdad. You had a lot of responsibility put upon you from an early age, which was extremely unfair of your mom. Nor is it fair for her to saddle you with the problems she has with your stepdad, which incidentley, ARE NOT your fault. It sounds like your mom and stepdad have a lot of growing up to do - maybe they should be going to therapy as well. Your mom's problems/unhappiness ARE NOT your fault, and she needs to start taking responsibility for this part of her life. The fact that you feel you don't deserve to live is an excellent reason to continue with your therapy, plus it will help you learn ways to deal with all the guilt you are feeling. If your mom is not willing to change her ways, and if being around her is causing you this much pain, maybe you should consider cutting the visits short with her - let her know that when she starts to act in an unpleasant manner, that you will have to leave and come back another time, and then do it. It's not going to be much fun for her to throw a temper tantrum if she doesn't have an audience. Or perhaps, it is best for you to explain to her that as much as you love her, (do it in a letter if you have to, or you think she will get upset) her ill-behavior is causing you a lot of pain and feelings of guilt, and that until her behavior changes, it is not healthy for you to be around her. This is a rather sad option; however, sometimes behavior/relationships deteriorate to the point where, for your own health and sanity, this becomes the only option. Hope this helps, and best of luck to you.

Answer 3

I can understand where your mom is coming from b/c now i am a mom. And i have dated guys who their mom is the same way. I think it has to do with her feeling like she is going to lose her baby or in your case her big man. what i think you should do is get your own place if you can and maybe try to talk to her. But i lived with my dad when i was prego and it was the same as you. My dad would want to know when i was going to be home and if i was late i would get in trouble, like i was 12 years old again. I really think if you move out it will get better. i hope everything gets better.

Answer 4

You answered your own question. Disappear! You ARE grown up, tho you will never stop learning. Get out from under her thumb and stop being such a baby by allowing her to control your emotions. She's the one who needs therapy! Mothers are like that, it's up to you to set your boundaries and stick by them, no matter how hard it seems. She will come around in time. If not, you have your own life to live. Get out there and live it!

Answer 5

Yes, but only if you let it be.