Should I stay or leave?

Question

Man, I've been married for 5 years have two kids, one stepchild, and one bioligical. My wife and I are not close intimately anymore. I have a real high sex drive, my wife the opposite. I tried to suggest her some prescription to enhance the libido, she doesn't want to try it. I feel like as a man and a human being, I should never desert my family over my own pleasures! I have a daughter that needs her father no matter what to be present in her life(biological) everyday of her life. I know also that I turn my head when I see a woman I'm attracted to as well. Wondering if I can find my sexual desire that I've been looking for with a stranger lady. Which shows that I'm not satisfied sexually, but as a married man and a religous person of God it's wrong to cheat. I don't really want to lose my marriage to sex, but naturally God made me sexually active at a high level. Help me out on this one, please somebody!?!?

Answer 1

God wants you to keep your family intact. If you and your wife are having troubles, see a counselor. If she won't go, go by yourself for some professional advice on how to handle it. If you would never desert your family for your own pleasures, don't! Please keep your family together and find some other solution. You really need to talk with your wife. Maybe you can find a way to make sex more pleasurable for her.

Answer 2

You sound caring, wise and a well balanced person. There maybe many reasons your wife is like this, a hormone imbalance or it could simply be she feels her life is mundane, she has no motivation, no dreams (people who feel this have very low libido). Do you help her in the home, in looking after the children?
First, I would stop talking about sex or making advances to your wife. Start helping her a little in her daily chores. Make her feel good about herself, go shopping with her and buy her something nice. Book a short holiday together if you can get a baby sitter.
It may be hard but try to hug and cuddle your wife without expecting sex out of it. Give her an occasional kiss out of the blue, she will realize what you are asking of her is natural and with time she will come round.
I really wish you the best, I think you have a good home and family, keep it together.

Answer 3

Love is way more important than sex. A woman isnt at her sexual peak until she's in her late 30's. I advise that you learn how to satisfy yourself. Take the matter into hand, so to speak. Ask your wife if you can take some pictures of her for you to use when you are alone. This could end up being fun for her and she wont freak out over porn in the house. Try some romance on her, but dont push the sex. Candles, incence, low music, have dinner ready for her, all the dishes and chores done, and just cuddle with her. Learn to enjoy just cuddling. You can always take care of your own needs when you get the chance. Women like the special attention and it will raise you in her view. This may or may not mean more sex, but a happier wife makes a happier house.

Answer 4

First, determine yourself to stay. You will not leave. Therefore you must find a solution to this problem.

If this is a medical condition on your wife's part, it must be solved. Ask her to talk to her gyno, or be even more caring and go with her to talk to the gyno. The tests are simple, usually just a blood test or an ultrasound.

If this is not a medical condition, you have some work to do. You need to woo your wife again, and again, and again. You must tend to her needs or you are not getting any of yours met, capiche?

Forget your sexual drive for a bit, no one ever died from being horny, I promise lol. Instead, romance your wife, kiss her without demanding more, rub her back without trying to cop a feel. Touch her hair and tell her how pretty she is to you, then go no further. Are you understanding what I'm telling you? You need to let her know in a language she can understand that you love her and you are not leaving and you want and desire her.

I heard once that, sexually, men are like microwave ovens and women are like slow cookers, they take a long time to heat up. So start romancing in the morning if you want some dinner at night. :)

Answer 5

This is a toughy. You could try and find out why she doesn't want to have sex, does she hate the position you like or something? childhood trauma? Tired after a long day doing whatever it is he does?(a nice massage might help you there) if it truly is that she just isn't in the mood, you can try one of my other ideas below.

I have a zany answer that just may work. Buy a blow up doll, and make sure your wife knows about it. If she asks you why you bought one you can tell her that your horney as hell and you don't want to cheat on her, so this was your solution.

You should at the very least get her to spread her legs a little more if she realizes she is losing out to a plastic doll. If she still doesn't want to have sex, start bring the doll to bed with you at night. With luck you may just wear her down some.

You could instead just start talking about how men and women are diffent (men are always horney and women are not) nd how you would do anything for her, and the least she could do is have a little sex.

also, you could substitute the blowup doll for lots of porn, the idea was simply to demonstrate that you wee looking for a way to deal with your sex drive that wouldn't involve you straying.

also, one mroe zany idea: if all else fails, ask her if you can pick up a mistress on the side (its not cheating if she says its ok)

Good luck <(^-^)>

Answer 6

I suggest the both of you seek conseling. Either relationship wise or seek a sex therapist. You seem like a good man trying to do the right thing and you are right that a relationship should NOT be based on just sex BUT it is a BIG part of a marriage. Have you tried talking to your wife and telling her how you feel and what you are thinking. This way you can get her input. If she loves you then she "should" be willing to do something to help your marriage. If not then maybe it is time to let it go. You can always stay active in your childrens' lives. Good luck.

Answer 7

Heres my thought on it.
I can understand the needs that you as a man and human being have and the struggles you are having being a family man with a wife who is not fullfilling those needs.
You said you suggestion medications for her. Have you suggested anything else? Seriously talked to her about your needs as a human and that you want her to fullfill them? As a woman I can tell you do NOT go in saying I have needs and YOU need to fix them. Doesnt get any where. However tell her that every human has these needs and we do in fact need them met. (its a fact that all humans have this and need this, just how we are) try suggesting the kids take a weekend with the grandparents and try some ideas with just the two of you for the weekend. A nice dinner, offer her a message to relax her. Talk about different ideas you two can get back in touch with each other. Sometimes it takes small steps to get through and sometimes its a progression. To keep your marraige there has to be communication. Its key. Tell her how you feel and tell her how she still makes you feel. Make her feel wanted too. That might wake her up some. I hope this helps you at least some. I wish you luck with this.

Answer 8

Please stay, brother. It may not help, but sooo many couples go through this: the man or woman has a high sex drive and their spouse could take it or leave it. There are health supplements that either could take to boost the sex drive.
Stay strong and really try to get your wife feeling frisky by flirting with her, looking good and setting the mood. I hope things start looking up for you. Be sure to pray out loud and with her if you can and Matthew 21:22 promises that the LORD will answer your prayer. Amazon.com has very nice books about God's intent for good sex and intimacy in marriage. Best wishes to you!

Answer 9

Stay man, all these emotions make perfect sense. Look in Song of Songs. Now there are three Hebrew words used in this text for long, the 1st one is "kulkha". this is the word for sole mate, or best friend. this word is used alot at the beginning of a relationship, and should always be used throughout as well. (Song of Songs 4:7) Then look at the second word used is "ahava". (Song of Songs 8:7) this is more the word for total commitment to the one you love, not at all a temporary word. Then the third word for love that is used is "dode". (Song of Songs 1:2) This literally is the word for sexual attraction. This word is very very important in a marriage, but notice that all three are used equally, and that a perfect marriage needs all three happening.

the key to refinding this "dode" kind of love within your marriage is to tell your wife about it. Not threatening to leave, but to say that you need the third aspect of love in your marriage. Sex is the second leading cause of divorce behind money, and it is a very lethal thing if not used right. If you cheat on your wife you will never ever forgive yourself, trust me, i have seen it. Explain to your wife that a marriage involves, friendship, commitment and sexual attraction. Maybe see your pastor about this matter, they may be able to councel you on this subject. Thanks, please message me if you have any more serious problems arise from this, i understand,
Matt

Answer 10

Heck, dude. Well if she's religious too then she should be sorting her husband out. Heck, even as a woman she should be doing that. She's actually cruel if she's not doing that. I used to have the same problem, then I learned a lot on socialisation/brainwashing to us ordinary folks. Anyhow now my wife brings me sex; and has done for 4 years. First I stopped arguing with her; I had to do that anyway as she was hitting me and I took it hard. Real hard. Anyhows, what we need to do is get our wives to imagine being the good wives we want.- You'll have a lot of fun with this. Einstein: 'imagination is more powerful than knowledge'.