do you never find urself in position when you cant make da difference if u appreciate someone or love someone?

Question

theres that girl i met while i was in trip to washington for 7 days. since i met her i loved her but i approached her in a wrong way so she refuse 2 go out wit me. so afta 2 days we became friend. it was so hard for me when the time came to separate. while we were at the airport i asked her 4 her phone # or her email. she gave me her email instead of her phone number. afta a while i start tellin her by email how i felt since i met her she told me to forgot about everythin that happen at dat trip so i was tryin to do as she says. i stopped email and we lost contact for at least one year. so last time she email me and ask me for my phone number n ask me to come to a party wit her. i wanted to go but my work didn't give the chance to go. the next day she called me and ask me y i didnt come to the party i lied about y i couldn make it. now we keep talk about our futur in term of academic. i wanna tell her again how i feel but im afraid to lose her again. please tell me wat to do.

Answer 1

I suggest you offer a moment of mutual truth.
This is a technique used by therapists when struggling relationships are based on lies and misinformation, on conflicting sense of direction (where each person in the couple want the relationship to go a different way) and ultimately where communication has degenerated to physical (sexual) or acedemic interaction without emotional involvement.
It must be in person, preferably in the presence of a neutral (no bias) trusted third party, and definately in a private arena (just the 3 or 4 of you alone). Starting with the instigator (the person who called the truth moment, thats you), each of the 2 people take turns at revealing something important their partner didn't know. I suggest you start small, like why you couldn't go to the party, and build up toward the personal and very secretive. Either person can call off the truth moment at any time without restriction or obligation, and most importantly of all is that the truth moment is a "NO QUESTION ZONE". all communication is voluntary without coercion or manipulation. Excuses, reasoning, apologies and justifications are allowed (everyone does them anyway, even in truth moments where they are not allowed so why fight it) but it is recommended that these defensive measures are kept to a minimum until the truth moment is broken / finished / ended. Now comes the fun part, and the reason why the thirrd party is present. Argument, fighting and abuse sometimes ensues, and / or / followed by a runner from the scene, which may result in an accident (ie. distraught person running and crying falls down stairs or hit by car) The rational person is there to stop this by any means neccessary. Once everything settles down, both realise how strong the relationship must be for them to have revealed such secrets to each other, invariably forgive each other and an even stronger relationship results, including deep respect and humility. The greatest marriages in the world engage this exchange ritualistically, and have the blessings of the Buddha in the sacred act of forgiveness as their saviour. Blessed Be!