My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years...I won't let him do drugs, I ration his cigarettes, and I don't let him hang out with unfavorable people. These harsh rules are a result of some trust issues where he was lying to me about drug use. I won't let him go out with his friends that I don't know, especially the guy who provided him the drugs. I also have access to his financial information so I can help him budget. His friends hate me and have convinced him that I am way too controlling. I'd like to change if I am. In my defense, I have also taken care of his every need, I helped him get his own place, I helped him get his vehicle, and his job, so he can be self sufficient. I've bought him groceries to completely fill his place, and almost all the furniture in his apartment has come from me. We've been together forever, we plan to marry , despite our faults (we've gone the bumpy road, but are mending) and I want to know if I'm being to harsh before I ruin the relationship.
2006-06-25 18:36:47 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
sounds like your trying to act like a mother more than a girlfriend, so try to find someone that is as mature as you, and you won't have these problems
2006-06-25 18:38:33 · answer #1 · answered by dahorndogd013 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are being an overcrowding mother, yes: Mama!
More important, you know he is a jerk who cannot make wise decisions on his own. Yes, without you he will revert to drugs, bad people, etc, and he cannot and will not do it on his own. What does he get from this all? attention his mom did not give him....a sense of this is what love is: A woman gives a man a hard time...Why are you with such a weakling? It is because you feel little self worth. You are4 the person who fixes the wounded wings of the world. You are a flaming codependent, no questions about it.
It is you who must get into codependents anonymous.
2006-06-25 18:43:17 · answer #2 · answered by Legandivori 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the real question is whether or not this person is the right man for you. If you have to spend this much time supervising his behavior, you are already starting a relationship behind the proverbial 8-ball. This will magnify tremendously once you are married.
2006-06-25 18:41:25 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i can be like every other person and tell him he doesnt need a girlfriend he needs a mother but i aint because i no how that feels. to answer ur question no i dont think your a bad girlfriend u just care about him a lot n u love him a lot to see him turn his life upside down to the bad side, i dont blame u and i dont see dat being bad. i love my boyfriend a lot and if that happened 2 me i wud b dat way 2, there is moments where i dont let me boyfriend go out becuz i dont no the person and if i dont no dat person den i cant trust him. it is perfectly normal to be that kind of a girlfriend, DONT WORRY BOUT IT! good luck and keep ur head up n remember always SMILE! :)
2006-06-25 18:42:15 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's nice to help some one you love, control is better then to loose, by doing what you are doing you are taking care of him, his friends just want him to get on the drugs so thy can make money out of him,keep on doing what you are doing im shore he will come to know it's for his good.
2006-06-25 18:46:51 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
this sounds like a difficult situation. did he do drugs before yuo two met? did he tell you he wanted to quit doing drugs? i used to smoke mary jane and one of my ex's tried to make me stop but i wouldn't because i wasn't ready to. he will do the same he will continue to do them until he is ready to give them up. you need to sit down and talk with him and ask him about it. i have been in some controlling relationships where my girl tried to make me stop hanging out with my friends and stuff like what you say you're doing, it just made me want to do those things even more, he needs a partner, not a mom.
2006-06-25 19:57:52 · answer #6 · answered by the dude 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, how does he feel about your controlling ways? If he likes it then it's not a problem. Otherwise you guys should try to get some counseling and see if you can figure out a better way to do things. Good luck.
2006-06-25 18:39:12 · answer #7 · answered by heidielizabeth69 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your like me. You like fixxer uppers I could buy a brand new car but instead i'll buy an old camaro and fix it up then sell it because it makes me feel good to be able to help a poor old car that i love so much....I think your a good person but sounds like a troubling way to live he should be a man and quit drugs himself he should do it "for you" because he loves you not because you made him.
2006-06-25 18:48:40 · answer #8 · answered by Mr. BIG 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Pretty much everything you just listed is the reason that married men live longer than bachelors. If you were my girlfriend I would be annoyed as f*ck, but I think your heart is in the right place and that fool is lucky to have you.
2006-06-25 18:40:57 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't believe that you are "bad to your boyfriend." It is obvious that you care a lot about him. It sounds like he needs a lot of help and it is commendable that you are trying to give that to him. It really shows just how much you love him. It's hard to give advice because I don't know how he feels. To answer your initial question...No, you are not bad to your boyfriend. I respect your actions. I wish you the best of luck in the future.
Peace
Chris
2006-06-25 18:51:30 · answer #10 · answered by chryxz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh boy! What is it in you to feel that you need to take care of and save this man? The past is often a predictor of the future. Can you see yourself twenty years from now being this man's co dependent caregiver? What happens when he is clueless of how to take care of himself? Who will take care of you if you need care? Do you really think love means being this guys caregiver/cop. It is possible to love somseone and not be their caregiver. You are enabling him to be childlike. The best gift that you can ever give him is to let go. You sound like a good woman. Do you think long term you can subject yourself to his childish drug ways? Do you want to being children into the world who has a role model like him? Do you deserve someone who truely loves you and can partner with you in life and be on even ground. A life together should be together. Not a drug cop and the druggie. If you set him free he will either clean himself up or fall in to his pit. I encourage him to join Al anon. ASAP
My son had a gf who sounds just like you. They married. She couldn't save her druggie parents & I believe she felt like she needed to tend to him and take care of him because she failed to heal her parents. She failed. He died. She definatly loved him and I love her too. I just feel that one person can't be a caregiver to someone who makes bad choices. Look at men who are doctors, cops, teachers........etc. Why can't your man pull himself together and instead of drug himself......turn himself around, get educated and make a difference in the world.
You should stand in front of him and tell him that although you love and adore him, that you can't be his keeper and you need someone who can live a sober life who isn't always on the verge of using and making bad choices.. Then tell him goodbye. You will hurt, he will hurt. He is the only person who can save himself.
You need to take care of you and also direct your energies in a positive way. Life is too short to not be in a healthy relationship.
You deserve a good life, not a life sentence.
2006-06-25 19:08:15 · answer #11 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋