how do u get your kids to listen to u without yelling or anything?

Question

Mom of 3, been a mom since i was 18 yrs old, in my mid 30's now. did great for awhile, sometihng went wrong, i cant figure out.

Answer 1

I don't believe in hitting - smacking your kids might earn their attention, but not their respect. My parents smacked me and all it did for me was make me move out at 17. I don't understand why people think it is ok to hit kids just because they are smaller. Ugh.

Here is how I get my 3 to behave.

Don't YELL. When you yell - you are out of control and kids know that.

If they are rude - tell them "I won't listen to you when you talk like that. Go back to your room, then come back in here and ask again." Make them do it over and over until they can ask politely.

TALK QUIETLY when they are yelling. Then they have to shut up to hear what you are saying.

AND THE BIG ONE..


THE MOST IMPORTANT RULE *EVER*

***** FOLLOW THROUGH!!! *****

Say what you mean. Mean what you say. I can NOT stress this one enough.

If you say "If you do that one more time, I'm throwing that away!" and your kid does it again - then throw IT away.

If you say "If you sass me again you won't stay all night with Mike on Friday" and the kids sasses you again, the have HIM call Mike and explain that he sassed his mom and can't stay all night now. Make them responsible for their own actions.

Eventually - they realize "Dang. Mom MEANS what she says."

It is sooooo wasy to give in and say "Sure. Whatever" when we are tired - but all it does is tell our kids that they just have to push our buttons and they can have whatever they want.

If you want them to stick to the rules, you have to stick to the consequences. Sometimes it is frustrating, but it's worth it in the end :)

~Maxie

Answer 2

Welcome to parenting teens. Teens believe at the fundamental core that they are smarter than their parents, yet have none of the skills to complete the task. So they become abusive, nasty and agressive. The big problem is that your younger children will see your weakness, and if they are borderline sociopaths, will then try to take a few strips from you also. So here is what I did. Nintendo, gone. Use of car, gone. Not in by curfew, door locked see you when the dog goes out in the morning. Trying to get your new boyfriend to stay over, gone. No yelling just resolute action. If your children then take it to the next level, that is, criminality, call the police. Your home has to be safe for you and your younger children, you have no choice. And if you are still married, both parents have to be reading from the same page in the play book. If not, then you are truly lost. Good luck.

Answer 3

With out yelling? Hmmm let me know if you figure that one out. I just tell mine (10 & 4), if you don't want me to yell, then do what I tell you the 1st time I ask. If they still don't listen, then they loose a privelage (videos etc.) for 10 minutes, an hour or even a day depending on the severity of the crime, so to speak.

Answer 4

Because you are over emotional due to other stress as you have been tied down as such a tender age of 18. Since that is your life style now you have to accept it and it's no fault of your children. You sound like you have some kind of frustration and you are letting it all your children. Think that your children are very normal children as they will jump and scream and laugh and cry then you will understand them better and can accept that there is actually nothing wrong.....

Answer 5

Here's the right answer:

Start singing your words. It freezes them. Sing LOUD>

I am 31 and have been a mom since I was 18 too. I have 3 sons, and when it gets loud, you have to be louder. You can try a coach whistle too. I still say singing what you need to tell them works the best. It works even better if you sing very badly.

Answer 6

i am a father of 5 ranging from 8 year old to infant. my wife has a hard time with the children listening to her. I need only speak once. when i tell the kids something i do not raise my voice they know i mean business. i tell them like it is. my wife threatens punishments vastly and doesent follow through. sometimes they are rediculouse like she is going to kick them out of the house or send them to bed without eating lunch or dinner. The children know she doesn't mean any of what she is telling them and so they walk over her. i tell them if you do not do what ever it may be homework chores ect they may loose gameboys or what ever the punishment might be i always do what i tell them that i will do and they know that dad means buisiness

Answer 7

I have to agree with your mom....Sometimes us moms have to yell and whoop when needed. What when wrong was they became or close to the age of teenagers. My daughter is 13 and she thinks she knows it all. I sometimes have to stand and let her tell me how the world rotates, then when she is thru I show her how it rotates. So dont think anything you did as a parent was wrong is the kids growing up and now you just have to handle things differently with them...

Answer 8

yes, i agree with you... you don't need to yell at them.
i have my own 3 kids, and what i do:
* be honest to them, and not make promises i could not keep. this would strenghten your credibility with your kids.
* you have to tell yourself, you are the parent and they are the children... who is the boss? remember, you own the house... not they. your children need to know the importance of seniority and superiority.
* be firm with your decisions. kids always make something out to try to win you in favor of what they are asking from you. try not to give in to what they want, especially when it comes to money matters.
* assign them to certain household chores. building a sense of responsiblity is very important in building rapport between you and your children. this may take some time... but you have to start doing it. and this time is the right time.
* be ready to correct their mistakes as it happens, and not when it's about already days or weeks ago... but you have to do it in a way your children would not feel like they are idiots or something. this is one of the most-common mistakes of parents... they try to be too authoritative to their kids...sometimes they seem like they are the first people to bully their own children.
* being a critic to your children is one. but you must never forget to be a friend to them where you MUST be ready to praise and say thank you to whatever they have accomplished.
* and the most important thing... ALWAYS REMEMBER THE TIME WHEN YOU WERE AT THEIR AGE!!! this would give you a very good idea on how your children thinks, and what they want from you as their parent. this would definitely change your mind on how to handle your kids, and hopefully, change your relationship with them... for the better.

always be a parent to them. do these things because you love them, and not because you are more learned than them. your love for them will be the driving force to this undertaking. and your firmnest and calmness will be your shield in whatever would strike you in trying to accomplish this enormous task... the building of your children's future.

Answer 9

yelling never really helps....my mom used to yell at me all the time as a little child....it really just scared me.....beating may be a solution for little children, but probably not for kids in their teen years....my mom still nags on me and i'm 16....i've learned that all she's going to do is nag and there's nothing else....so i just hear her nagging and be over with it.....what i would say that would help is if she talked to me nicely....sit your child down and be a loving mom....ask them why they did it, and use 'reflected listening'....try to understand on their part, but also tell them they're going to be punished for it....i think that would work best....hope this helps

Answer 10

Screaming