paternal gramma is showing favortism with her grandson and my daughter sees it and complains to me.what do i do?ive already had dicussions with my mother in law but its still going on and my daughter is getting older and sees it.
2006-06-25 16:21:45 · 7 answers · asked by k9396 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You know, on my mom's side, I was the second born grandchild, grandson to be exact. We ended up being the only 2 grandkids. My older cousin lived a couple miles away from my grandparents. My grandma babysat him his entire life until he could take care of himself. My cousin is my grandparents first born son's child. Grampa and my uncle worked together, fished together, hunted together...I mean, they were father and son and best friends. My cousin just fell right in to that. He grew up loving all the same things. Long story short, they were just closer to my cousin. Added to that, us sons grow up much more like our fathers. My dad is the inlaw, and I am much more like him. I have a different personality, some different interests, different influences, etc. In my situation, there just isn't a clearer cut case of grandparents favoritism, right? Well, yes, unless you know what is someones heart, and, even though I wasn't as close, in my grandparents heart, they loved me just as much, even though they weren't as big a part of my life.
Do you know what is in your child's grandparents heart? Sometimes we cannot see the forrest for the tree's. I know it took me being an adult to see that.
Has your daughters grandparents raised any girls? Maybe they honestly don't know what to do with her, for her, etc?
What specific behaviors lead you to believe this?
I feel for the situation, because grandparents mean so much to us grandkids. On my fathers side, I was the only grandchild. My dad's dad died before I was born so I only had my grandma. People always joked that I was the only person she ever loved. We were so close. You cannot even imagine. Last week was 9 years since she passed away, and just yesterday while I was driving I thought about some things we used to do together and I teared up.
You know that by accussing, blaming, calling them out, etc. that no good can come of it. It will only hurt their feelings and put them on the defensive. I cannot imagine a scenario where a grandparent would wish to favor 1 grandchild. I have to believe that they do not realize it.
I would attack the situation by telling them how much they mean to her. Maybe suggesting some activities that they can do with her that are special. If it is possible, maybe, somehow, get the grand daughter some alone time with them without your son. I wish you the best of luck
Following up on my grandparents that I thought favored my cousin. Well, as luck would have it, they are now my neighbor. Grampa was more the one that I thought favored my cousin. Now, we spend more time together than he does with my cousin. We fish some. We cut wood.....but, the coolest thing, we share a love for boxing. He comes to my house for keg parties with all my friends whenever I host a fight night. It is so cool. He is 74, and he mixes it up, gambles, pounds keg beer, etc. with me and my friends. It is so cool.
I apologize for the length. I wish you the best of luck.
2006-06-25 16:53:17 · answer #1 · answered by Cing 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You need to protect your children's feelings from their Grandmother, this is sad.
But that is life sometimes. You will need to lay down the law to her. If she gets gift for one, she HAS to get a gift for the other one or you will not allow the boy to receive it. You have already said you talked to her and it accomplished nothing. Being firm is the only solution. If you have a husband, try to get him to support you.
Editted: Qnd I disagree with "average joe". In my family, girls were the favorite. So many sons had been born before me. I was the "favorite daughter". Looking back now, this was NOT acceptable and should have been stopped early.
The bottom line is if you cannot stop it and you do not want to keep her away, you will need to explain the facts to your daughter. Explain that Grandma has a soft spot for her brother (for whatever reason), but that she still loves her too.
2006-06-25 23:25:13 · answer #2 · answered by Raynanne 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just explain to her that some older people believe boys to be more important then girls, but most people now know thats is false. She cant change Grandma, but just know the world today is different.
2006-06-25 23:27:29 · answer #3 · answered by psycmikev 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is awful for your daughter...i grew up with a grandma who favoritized my older sister over me and my younger.....i understood it was because my older sister was closer to her then me and my younger.....is that the same case??? because your son is closer to her?? if so, you need to talk to your daughter about it.....if it isn't, and your daughter and son are equally close to her, and since you've spoken to your mom in law about it....tell your husband about it....he may have a solution and maybe his mom will listen to him....if that doesn't help, have your daughter speak to her grandma about it....that would probably help a lot....hope this helps
2006-06-25 23:41:05 · answer #4 · answered by blue_bee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there is nothing wrong with favoritism or at least you cant do anything about it. I dont care what anyone says, the first grandchild gets to be the favorite no matter what. thats just the way it is and the way it will always be.
2006-06-25 23:26:06 · answer #5 · answered by average joe 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you just asked this question. Like I said, that mother in law of yours is prolly a child molester and perfers boys.
2006-06-25 23:39:52 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe it is that way because she see's more of her son in your son than she see's it in your daughter. I believe she treats him better than your daughter because maybe she doesn't like you and your daughter looks like you or acts like you moreso than her father.
2006-06-25 23:30:19 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋