strict parents?

Question

I have strict parents - they don't want me to be hanging out with guys so much i don't know why. I have a boyfriend and I love him so much. I want my parents to know that I am old enough to have a guy in my life I am 20 by the way. So as of the meantime I am keeping our relationship a secret. My boyfriend understands my situation and I am slowly introducing him to them (my parents) but the more the see him the more they don't want us to see each other. And coz of that I had to lie sometimes so that we could see each other. Why is it hard for some parents trust their children? Am I wrong of lying? and even if I tell them they won't allow it. What should I do?

Answer 1

You should NOT have to lie to them. You're old enough to make your own decisions when it comes to your personal life. They can try to tell you what to do but they can't because you are no longer a CHILD!!!It's really none of their business what you do. Sorry for being so blunt about this, it's just that I hear a lot of parents that don't want to let their kids venture for themselves even when it's time.

Answer 2

At 20 your old enough to be making your own mistakes..But you should also be learning from them. Is ther a reason your parents are strict? Have you been a little trouble maker? As far as boys go I will say this. Your parents should be wary about who you date. For every nice guy there is 100 *** holes just trying to get laid. If that is not what they want than they will end up being jealous controll freaks who probably will hit you. Now I don't really mean this, but there are alot of ******* in this world. Your parents know this and are not always blinded by the emotions you may have for these boys, so just be careful. As for everything else, hey, your 20, welcome to the University of Hard Knocks. If you want a little advice, listen to older people, they have been there done that. Good Luck

Answer 3

You are old enough to make your own decisions but sometimes it is hard for parents to let go. It might be especially hard if you are an only child because if something happens to you then there is no one left. It sounds like you still live at home so you still need to respect your parents rules. Try sitting both of your parents down and telling them nicely about how you feel. Maybe ask if you can invite him to dinner or maybe you and your boyfriend could take your parents to dinner so you all can have a chance to talk to and get to know oneanother.

Hope this helps

Answer 4

Different country has different rules and regulations to be strict or non strict with their kids and their ages. I think It's depending on their behaviour and the atmosphere where they grow and grown up and which makes them to behave in good or bad ways, according to that parents should have to behave too also they have to find out and understand what made them to behave like this way. It's better to be both, because when kids do nasty things have to advice and punish them it's very common in every where. Sometimes parents have to be friendly and understandable about their kids problems too. Parents should advice them often about doing bad things. Parents should also appreciate when they do good jobs too. When our parents are kids they did the same things that what we did and what our kids are doing now. Our parents were also punished by their parents and their parents from their grand parents and their great great parents too. Nobody is perfect until somebody shows about our good behaviour and good behaviours. That's why it's better act to be sometimes strict and sometimes non strict with their kids behaviors.

Answer 5

At the age of 20 you have some basic rights to make your own decisions. I can understand that your parents are concerned that you are too young to be married...so they try to protect you by not wanting you to have any relationship. You need to sit down with them and have a TALK. Let them know you appreciate their devotion and care. Also let them know that they need to start letting go and let all that good work and influence they've put into you work on it's own. You are old enough to decide who to date. Ask your parents at what age they started dating. My guess is that it isn't too different than your age. If you are living at home discuss time boundries which should be expanding as you get older. Also consider telling them that you want to be truthful with them and not have to hide things... but if that is going to work they need to loosen up a little. Good luck

Answer 6

If you are, in fact, 20 years old, you are an adult. Your parents don't get to "allow" you anything anymore. If you still live under their roof, you will have to abide by their rules while you are in their home, but they cannot legally stop you from seeing anyone you choose as long as you are off their property.

It sounds to me like you are uncomfortable lying to your parents about your boyfriend. My advice, therefore, would be to stop lying to them. If you really love him, then I think you ought to stand up for your relationship with him. If I were in your position, I would tell my parents that this is the man I love, and that I want to build a serious relationship with him. That's very difficult if it is done completely in secret. I would also listen to their concerns and consider them carefully. You might legally be an adult, but your parents have had much more life experience than you, and they might be picking up on a legitimate concern about your bf.

Once you have calmly explained yourself to your parents and listened to their concerns, I think you should tell them that you appreciate their advice, but that you are going to give this guy a chance and build a relationship with him. Tell them that you respect their reservations, but you feel strongly enough to follow your heart. Remind them, tactfully, that though they are your parents, they ultimately have to let you live your own life and make your own mistakes.

If it is at all possible, it might be a good idea have your bf sit down with you and your parents - give them a chance to talk to him (if everybody is willing) and to alleviate some of their concerns by addressing them directly to him.

These are all things you can try. I can identify at least somewhat with your situation - I'm the eldest daughter in my family, and my parents were VERY nervous when I started dating my bf at age 18. They initially tried to slow things down by imposing ridiculous curfews (10:00 pm, and I was in *college* for crying out loud) and so forth. What finally brought them round was me reminding them that they hadn't raised an idiot, and that I was going into the relationship with both eyes open. They were further set at ease once they'd interacted with him a bit more and realized that he was a good guy who had my best interests at heart.

I hope some of this helps, and I wish you all the best in resolving your situation.

Answer 7

If you live in their house, they can try to demand whatever they want. I am sure they are just looking out for your best interest. Afraid you'll get pregnent, or be so focused on your boyfriend and not other things that may be important like college. Maybe if you can show them that you are a mature woman, and responsible they wont feel they need to be so strict with you. If you act like a child they will treat you like one. I don't know how approachable your parents are, but if I was in your shoes I would try to tell them exactly how you feel. But make note not to do it in a whining way. Dont start off your conversation with, "But I love him!!, I'm old enough to do what I want!, I'm an adult I can do what I want!" Make sure you try to acknoweldge you understand that they care, and that they don't need to worry. Maybe say some good things about him that they may like. And be sure to tell them that you felt like you had to lie and hide your boyfriend from them, because they wouldn't allow you to have a boyfriend. But that you don't want to hide things from them, because they are your parents, you love them and don't like feeling you need to hide anything from them.

Answer 8

Are you kidding us? You are 20 years old and you lie to your parents to see a boy? I had that problem when I was like 15. There comes a time in your life when you need to grow up. Show your parents you are an adult by acting like one and live your own life. Unless, of course the guy is a heroin addict or something. Then I guess they would have a good reason to be worried. Or unless you are mentally challenged. Or unless he's like 70 years old or something. Hmmm.

Answer 9

your old enough to make your own decisions! Im 25 yrs old and going through hell with my step mother again! shes always trying to control my life, she doesn't think i can make my own decisions, and she wonders why i lie to her sometimes! she is being a B*tch to me right now, because I am back with my daughters father. My daughters father and i split up about a yr and a half ago, because we were going through alot of problems and i needed to get away from him, b4 that we were together for 3 yrs and had a baby together, i moved in with my parents after i left my daughters father, then i got my own place and was raising my daughter by myself, i was getting along with my step mom and everything else, except for when she'd try to control my life and she treated my daughters father like he was a criminal and that he'll never change! Well anyways we (my daughters father) are back together and working things out, so far everything is going great between us, we had a few issues but worked it out and i do still have my guard up high with him, im not letting him move in with me yet or anything and he still takes our daughter on his weekends...I lied to my step mom, when my daughters father and i first got back together, because i knew she'd be pi$$ed, but she soon found out anyways and now she thinks he's living here, even though I (myself) and a few other people have told her that he is not living with me, i only let him come down on some weekends that i have our daughter and once or twice a week to keep me company and because our daughter wants to see him! BUT he is NOT living with me! my step mom and i are not on speaking terms right now, because she must have a crab up her *** or something lately!

Answer 10

I'm not going to answer this question. The reason is that your question, writing and sentence structure is not that of a 20 year old. More like 13 or 14. Maybe you should wait until you are old enough to be out on your own.
I was at 18.