Why does my son hate me??????????

Question

My oldest son is 9 years old and he won't do anything i ask or tell him to do. HE listens to his dad but won't listen to me...it's been this way for a long time. I've tried spanking him, time outs, taking toys and video games away, and just sitting him down and calmly talking to him. Nothing has worked for more than a week. He tells me he hates me and wants me to leave, but won't tell me why. PLEASE HELP!!!!!!

Answer 1

It may be related to your relationship with your husband and how your husband values your role in the family. Boys learn how to treat women based on how the men they look up to treat them.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/
http://www.naturalfamilyonline.com/articles/gentle-child-discipline.htm

Answer 2

If you ever punish your child, explain to them the reason why. If they understand why, and you do help and treat them now and then, then they will care back. Maybe if there's something deserving of a punishment, give a little flexibility, such as say "Do you think this punishment is too harsh or too lenient or just right?" If they say it's too harsh then let up as much as you're willing to, if they say it's just right then you know that they have heard your words and are more willing to accept a punishment that they have played a part in deciding. And never spank without a big reason.

Answer 3

WOW !
9yrs. of age, I have a 23 yr old... That has NO RESPECT. For nothing I can say I feel like he don't much at all. My health is not very well at all, I think He may be up set because I am so sick. and he don't know what to do. I have has some really big surgery's, He says he don't like hospitals, But while I have been in the hospital...He has NOT even made 1 call to see how I am doing. NOTHING at all. He says he had to baby set me for 3 yrs. This could be the truth from time to time, because the doctors had me on too much meds. I have stopped just about all the meds. cold turkey. I am doing much better Now. { Thank God } I still have many surgery I have to go thur... I have a knee replacement, That went badly WRONG. they when in to put in a new knee and fould it to be infected. Now I do NOT have a knee in there at all, it may take up to a year before they can put a knee in now.then I am needing a liver transplant done also. My Son seems to be reall mad about this. and takes it out on me. I wound call a family talk If I was you, before calling this talk I would talk with your husband. so ytou and ur husband and ask just what sould happen here This way you & ur husband is on the same level. ( yrs is much to young for ur son to be in control.. he is coming up to his teens and this only gets worst that it is now. My son trys workin My husband against each each other. He still live with us at 23 don't work and help with very little around the house...
SOME HOW , U need to get him headed in the right dirrection.WHILE HE IS YOUNG BEFORE HE HIITS HIS TEENS. IS HE THE ONLE CHILD? our son is the only one so of course he got what ever he wanted. we didn't have any other children to spit things up. TOO SPOILD...
Talk with ur husband & be on the same level... before seeting down to talk things over first...............GOOD LUCK HONEY!
he domt relly hate u ke is trying to push ur buttons and sounds like its working the way he want it too...Gett the upper hand NOW before it gets any worse !
********* May God bless U**************** and your family********

Answer 4

Maybe because you spank him and take his toys. I think the problem is that his Dad is currently the good guy and you are the bad guy. You need to speak to his Dad about it and tell him that he needs to start being more firm with your son so that there is more of a balance and neither of you seem like the good/bad guy to him.

Answer 5

Your son's preference for his Dad may be partly due to the fact that he plays the 'softer parent' and does not discipline him the way you do.

I think you should discuss with your husband that he should take up a stricter role at times.

BBC.CO.UK has a site on parenting that have tips regarding how to handle children and their strange behavior.

Answer 6

Your situation sounds almost similar to mine. I had to learn that when it comes to kids, they often misbehave to get attention and sometimes just to see how the parents are going to react. So with my daughter, I learned that to stay calm in all situations and not to let her know, through my actions, that she has "pushed my buttons". Consistency is also a key factor when disciplining your children. If he is on punishment, then there should be no early release from punishment, because of good behavior or the puppy dog faces he may give you. As mentioned earlier, they know how to get to you. We as parents should be able to outsmart them and stick to our plan of discipline and try our best to remain calm in all situations. Hope this helps. Good luck!

Answer 7

Your husband needs to step in and have a talk with his son and explain to him that he is suppose to listen to you and respect you or he will be punished. If you are no longer with your husband and you and he do not get along then it could be that your ex is making him behave badly and in which case you need to seek legal help. hope this helps

Answer 8

have you changed something major like job or something , which means he doesn't get enough of you , are you pregnant ,he may resent this , has he seen you talking to another male ,that's not his dad ,wrong conclusion ,these are just to try and help , i think you may find it will be something as silly as any of the above ,remember we were all 9 once ,imagination runs wild just be patient he will come around

Answer 9

Does his father punish him? If not, this may be the reason. You all need to talk about this, and you and the father need to teach your son to listen to the both of you and to respect you both.

Answer 10

He does not hate you, he is just demonstrating the resistence against the female authority.
It'll pass away. If not, try to talk to a councellor.