Dating Question: If you are a borned again christian how should go about dating?

Question

I have made the choice to wait til I am marry to be sexual active again, and I know some men automatic expect to get some from you. How do go about dating and letting the person know that you aren't looking for that, but at the same time not putting restrictions on your dating life? Right now I am not dating because I don't how to go about it. And I dunno if I should wait to date or not? I'm thinking GOD will send me someone but I dunno if I should be dating or waiting.... help!!

Answer 1

First, burn all those Christian "courting" books, they can really mess you up in the head. Here are the a few pearls of wisdom from a young married woman (who is probably certifiably crazy, so take with a grain of salt)


Be honest to the point of pain, tell them on the first date or before what you are looking for. If they run when you say you want to wait, thank the Lord you didn't waste your time.

Don't assume just because you met in Church the man is a Christian. Also don't assume Christian men won't want or won't push for sex - the earthly church is made up entirely of sinners. That said, the "women are the gatekeepers" theory is idiotic. Why would God put the main responsibility for that in the hands of the physically weaker party? You have to work those feelings and temptations out together.

Remember once you start dating you will either break-up or get married. The difference between dating and engagement in the Christian community is mostly immaginary.

Most Christians "fall" into dating from a short friendship. Which stinks for girls because we are not supposed to make any moves until we are actually "dating". Good News - there is nothing in the Bible that says that. (Read about Abigail in 1st Samuel 25 and see if women are supposed to wait for men to act.)

Chosing to be married is like chosing to be a Monk, it has privilages but mostly it is about working out your faith through tedious tasks. Be sure you want that, or you won't be happy with anybody. That said, you are never "ready".

Here is the worst news. Because of all the bad info out there, there really isn't an accepted system for Christians to meet each other. Any form of dating is considered at least mildly scandalous (no-one will admit to this but it is a culturally ingrained thing). Be prepared for somebody if not everybody to disapprove at some level or another until you are engaged. It stinks, but, like I said, the church is made up of sinners. The good news is, this encourages quick engagements.

Answer 2

I am so happy to hear that! There are girls all over that are deciding to wait, & let me tell you it pays off! Just let the guy know youre waiting. If they are serious they will respect that. If not, you don't deserve that. I waited & God sent me the most perfect man. I couldn't have found any one better if I searched the wolrd over 10 times.
And another little secret that is starting to leak out... A survey has been done a little while back (can't remember who did it) & they were asking who was having the best sex out there. & you know who it is... Christian monogomous women!!! They called it "The Revenge of the Church Ladies".

Answer 3

I agree with you, wait until God sends you the right man. And you could still do the dating scene, but just tell the guys before hand that you are waiting until marriage to have sex, and you could most likely tell by their reactions if they will stay or go. Dont let temptation get the best of you.

And congrats on deciding to give yourself to the Lord, that is a very hard thing to do.

Answer 4

Good for you! I am a born again Christian as well and I try to always take things slow. I try to get to know them first and see what their beliefs are, and their views, and their character. Lots of men have claimed they are Christian and maybe they are, but they often want to have sex very soon in to the relationship. You have to watch their actions instead of hearing their words. Men do want you to be honest so it is ok to let them know where you stand with God because it lets them know where they stand with you. I believe that we will know when the right one comes along. Always be sure to pray about it because God is in charge of all things in our lives. He will give you the answer by tugging at your heart! Good luck to you! : )

Answer 5

I waited 4 God 2 send me someone and he did. And It was someone I least expected, my friend. We've been friends 4 like 6 years and I just fell in love with her this year. Now we're bf/gf and I just know deep down we're meant 2 be toghether.

Answer 6

true love waits it is the simplest state ment 2 live by in ur dating experience i will not have sex till im married and guys should date u based on the things he likes about u if he asks 2 have sex tell him true love waits and if he truly loves u and if he is the one he'll wait let the guys be attracted 2 u not ur sexuality

Answer 7

you should never put those restrictions on your self..say you found the perfect person for you and after awhile you have sex..this might make you feel bad so just live your life and be happy in everything that you do..dont judge yourself .the right person will come for you !!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 8

u can date, but u just cant have sex until u married one of the guys u date.

Answer 9

Let him meet you some where, have a nice time, make sure he respect you and what you stand for and have your own car to get home.

Answer 10

1st off do not date outside of your Christian circles/ values
after all you will want them to share you same values
that pretty much rules out any non religiuos guy
and any guy who claims he is "spiritual" is onewho just wants and easy in to get in your pants
it's interesting you converted after you done all your fornification and sinning :)