I have a stepdaughter with her mother's bad attiude?

Question

Ok, I married a man w/ 14 girl. Her mother decided to have an affair w/ a convict got pregnant by him. My husband found out divorced her.even though she had a baby by another man she still wants to be w/ my husband. A year later he meets me ask me to marry him. She try to beak us up by telling her daughter to act up be mean etc. The daughter all ready has mean streak in her anyway. She listens to heavy metal all day speaks very rude to her father. Tells him to mine is own business,get out her room,throws the phone to him etc. Sometimes I feel like he;s just to soft. I know part of the reason is because the last time he spank her she told her mother who lives in vegas and she told her to call the cops. I think his ex has accepted defeat since we are married now.her child is just like her though But ck this out she choose to live w/ her dad but treats him like crap. He doesn't want her live w/ her mom because she does not want to. but she disrespectful to everybody in the hou

Answer 1

I feel sorry for both you and your husband. Here is what I would do If I were in your situation:

First of all you and your husband need to put up a united front. Once you set your rules and advise her of them, put your foot down. If she chooses to disobey, then she must suffer the consequences, and if she calls the cops, have her bags packed ready and waiting by the door when they get there.
As for the ex, we all have to put up with them on behalf of the kids, but that does not mean that you hve to be a push over and let her destroy your marriage. Let her know where you stand.
Good Luck.

Answer 2

I have two words for you... "tough love"! Give her some rules to follow. If she does not want to follow them; there are other options. Try taking away the things she values the most. If she still has an attitude, throw those items away or give them away. Is she the type that can be grounded? Ground her for a day or so. What does your husband or you do for work? Take her to work and let her feel what responsibility is all about. Talk to the department of social services. They are not always the "bad guys". They can give you advice on how to handle the situation. If they can't help you; they can lead you in the right direction. I know it is hard to rule with an iron fist. Believe me, I have a three and a half year old boy who has no respect for me. It was DSS that gave me direction on how to end his manerisms before they get out of control. My step mother had me more affraid than my father. I could not go out on weekends until I did my portion of the house cleaning. In the beginning it was a battle between us. I never realized how much of an influence she had on my upbringing until my friend's father came over. I was in the middle of polishing the furniture. He asked how they got me to clean the house because he couldn't get my friend to lift a finger. I simply turned to him and told him that it was the only way I could go outside of the house. She even had me cooking meals for my two sisters and two brothers! Don't give up; if you stick with a game plan, it WILL get better!

Answer 3

I have to disagree with the majority of the answers. Boot camp is just an out for a parent/guardian. It's just an out. Just a way that you won't have to deal with something or take a rightful stand. The only advice that I can actually give is change the subject more often.

An unruly teenager isn't unruly because they choose to. They are unruly because of the environment that they live in. They choose to do the actions that they do, but that's not exactly the person they want to be. Giving them someone to talk to, like a psychiatrist is good, but the problem is at home not out of the home. It should be found as something that can be fixed at home.

But, see, this isn't a one way street. Teenagers are learning to become adults. If you ship them off to bootcamp, you failed as an adult and the teenager didn't really learn, either. The only thing they had gotten was discipline. But, they got discipline in a form of life and the way you would live it. They were given responibility at bootcamp and were disciplined for not doing it.

I suggest taking similar steps, but don't turn your household into bootcamp. Give the teenager some responsibility. You might think that they can't handle any responsibility, but you have to understand that in two years, she could be driving if you start giving her little bits of responibility now. A little bit goes a long way. You really have to think ahead to get ahead. Think of the future when you face an unruly teenager. Think about what is best for their future and how can I put an impact on that future instead of ruin it for them.

Most people throughout their childhood recieved gifts or presents when showing how 'good' they were. If you were a 'good kid' you got a 'special treat'. You have to remember, not everyone is the same. Not everyone 'wants' to be a 'special person' or a 'good kid'. Teenagers want one thing, they want to be themselves. Once you find out who that person is inside that teenager, you'll find out that you will help their future instead of wreck it. I can tell you now, I'm 28 years of age and my parents still have not found out who I am or was. They never knew me or wanted to. I only hope you are better than that.

Become a friend to them. Realize that when you do that, you have to look at them as a person and not some 'unruly child'. You have to talk to them like you would your best friend. You are the one with the job, you'll have to take them out and do something. Show them that there is more to life than sitting in someone elses bedroom and smoking cigarettes.

Depending on what kind of person they are, it's probably best that the father made an attempt at being nice to them first and trying to be their friend. After a connection is made then the stepmother should do something similar. Just stay away from boring outings.

Ever been river rafting?

Don't send her to her mom's. That's just showing them that in their eyes, you never cared enough to find out who they are. Some people have these cascading shells around them and it is very hard to get to know them. Ever met one of those people? I bet you have, you just hadn't realized that you hadn't taken the time to get to know them. If all goes good and you put forth effort into making a new friend, six months from now I'm sure things will be better.

Answer 4

Your stepdaughter's behavior is unacceptable, but you're also in a precarious situation. I was that stepdaughter with a wicked, evil stepmother. I always resented my stepmother, and even now (I'm 25) I don't enjoy being around her. You cannot rule with an "iron fist." Try being her friend first. Even though your husband might be "too soft" with her, it is simply not your place to be the sole disciplinarian of your stepdaughter. Have a heart-to-heart with her father to voice your concerns. If her behavior is that out of control, have her arrested for delinquency and maybe that will wake her up.

Answer 5

i know it has to be tough dealing with this but if her parents would have disciplined her when she was younger she wouldnt be like this. you should talk to the father and get him to set up an appointment with a psychiatrist, if she is willing to go then let her talk to him by herself and give her a positive incentive that she doesnt usually get. if she doesnt have a cell phone get her a prepaid phone and if she acts up refuse to give her more time on it until she learns that what she did wasnt right. if she refuses to go then take something away from her. like her phone privileges. i know about things that teenagers like bcuz i am a teenager.if she starts becoming abusive then you need to call the cops on her and get them to take her to juvie for a while

Answer 6

ok he needs to put his foot down now and firmly he needs to let the child know she is the kid and he is the parent he should take things away from her to start with and if that doesnt work punish her no phone calls no company no money no outside if that doesnt work i would put her in boot camp for kids or try judge hachett the judge that helps with all cases she can probably help with your case 2 she comes on channel fox 5 she has a website i dont know it but google her name goodluck

Answer 7

send her to mom for a couple of months, dont give her the choice. I had similar with stepdaughter for years until she eventually got married and moved away.

Answer 8

first because she listens to heavy metal doesn't mean anything second i say ship er *** of t Mommy's house and show her how good she has it

Answer 9

Boot camp...just like on Maury...