My son is 3 months old. My husband and I haven't had sex since several weeks before my son's birth. Advice?

Question

I *want* to have sex again, but when it comes down to it I can't seem to get in the mood. I am very self-conscious about the baby weight and the stretch marks, as well as the changes down there. Plus, I am always busy and/or tired because of the baby. I know that having sex can actually relieve some of the stress I've been carrying, and I want that closeness with my husband (since almost all our time is baby-time!) Any advice from other moms out there?

Answer 1

First of all dont discuss your sex life on Yahoo answers! Children come on this site and read this smut too. Talk to a therapist. Only a professional psychiatrist/therapist can help you. Also talk to your husband not to the public!

Answer 2

If your husband loves you, the stretch marks and extra weight will not change that.. as a matter of fact he probably loves you more now after what you've had to go through! As far as not being "in the mood" what I found was that if I went ahead and had sex even though I wasn't "in the mood" to start, by the time we got going my mood changed. Be prepared though that the first time may be a little uncomfortable, depending on if you had an episiotomy or not. I had one with 2 of my children and sex was uncomfortable at first. With the other 4 I didn't have one and I had no problems. I understand the always busy or tired part but unless you make time for the two of you, in the long run it could hurt your relationship. Hope this helps and good luck to you!

Answer 3

I had sex 3 months after my baby was born and became pregnant again after one episode and I was breastfeeding. I didn't want to because I felt the same as you , so I think I was asleep when it happened. Breast feeding is not a birth control method. If I were to be in the mood again I would need a nanny and housekeeper and my husband would have to take me out to dinner and make me feel loved and fabulous. I think that your husband should take the initiative to help you recover from childbirth. My doctor didn't recommend sex until 4 months after the birth. Just take care of yourself and slowly start to get fit. Bike riding is great because it reduces impact on the hips etc. and taking your baby to a mother group once or twice a week helps for advice. Don't worry ...your libido will return.

Answer 4

Not a mom here but I do have some advice, if you are interested. First know that both you and your husband have gone through changes and each have your own obstacles to overcome. For one you need a time devoted to each other, a date if you will, alone. Get your mom or his to babysit or have a trusted babysitter. Find a nice restaurant and movie and just find time to enjoy being with each other again. It's a process yes but worth taking time. Also realize that you need to go out of your way to be sexy to him. In his mind you are now a mom .. find a way to be a lover now. Get you a black lacy nightie and pick a time to go to a nice store and make an appointment for a makeover or cosmetic's demo. They do them free. You might also plan to have your hair cut a different way. Surprise him with someone he hasn't met in a while .. YOU after a bath with oils and nice smelling perfume (not too heavy) treat him special and let him know that you love him and want to rekindle a romance.

He should also care enough to make sure he's conscience of his hygene and appearance. You can share with each other that you want to surprise each other and then in doing so plan the cosmetic makeover. Have him also to go out and pick a surprise for you? Might be a certain underwear he picks out, a flower, a certain restaurant. Realize also that yes men are driven by the physical and you might have some weight from the baby but also know that you still will look good to him. Pick that black lacey teddie and remember that there are cosmetics that can reduce the apearance of the marks left from birth and carrying the child. Also, even if you may not need it, plan on getting some KY Jelly or Astro Glide lubricant to help things along. Then when the mood is right things willl heat up for you I bet.

Good luck but also realize that even though you have a child doesn't mean you aren't still that beautiful woman that he fell in love with. Attitude is also contagous and can set a mood so learn to find that sexy attitude about yourself again.

That's one man's opinion and also a man who thinks that the man has as much responsibility as you do to get things back on track.

Answer 5

You need to set aside a date night, make it a night that you both have off (maybe a Saturday?) then you have your Mom or close friend or family member babysit (you could tell them why and probably get free care for your precious one) Then you have to get into the mind set, shave your legs, condition your hair, take a nap (those are always nice) put on some makeup, fix your hair, put on some purfume, some jewlery, and that killer outfit that makes you feel great or whatever you are most comfortable in, either go out to eat even to a fast food restaurant or somewhere cheap or cook dinner for the two of you at home with candle-lite or make reservations at a favorite restaurant and go out and have a good time. When you guys go into the bedroom, have some lotion out, give him a back rub and then get one for yourself. *there is no law that says that you can't ask for oral to help you get ready for some loving* chances are it won't last long anyways. Have fun, relax in each other's arms, talk about setting up a date night, even if it is spending a little time sitting outside after the baby goes to sleep, that way you can have some grownup talk.

Answer 6

You both need to go back to the people that you were before the baby. Get a family member or a baby sitter to take the baby. The baby will be better off if it is around other people. Parents learn this too late sometimes and the child has a harder time. Your husband and you could go somewhere that you had a good time and good memories and just be yourselfs. Make a date for once a week or once a month whenever you can and stay interested in what your husband is interested in and he will be more interested in you.

Answer 7

i am not a mom but i am a part time male marriage/relationship problem solver, what you are experiencing is child dominance where the child gets in the way of things, that's a normal thing what you need to do is either hire a baby sitter or a family member to take care of your kid for a week or two so you can get to a rejuvenation point, refresh yourself, go to Kama Sudra classes with your husband/spouse, try new things, once that happens, you'll be more aware of your mothers intuition that you ll make a great mother and know how to deal with things in the appropriate time, but everything your feeling is normal, nothing to be too serious about, all you need to feel about yourself is attractive, don't let your baby marks bother you im sure your spouse doesn't care what you look like, he cares for what you are and what you stand for.

Answer 8

I know what you are going through but when my husband and myself first had sex again it was in the day time and the baby was in the bassinet sleep and it was only for like 6 minutes but it was worth it.I was insecure about my stomach area but then I said well he put on just as much weight as I did during the pregnancy and he was insecure to but it worked out fine.And besides if he hasn't had any in a long time then he' not going to care what you like.He'll be happy just to be with you he's a MAN

Answer 9

I have 4 kids and it is hard sometimes to find time and when you do your so tired you pass out. Me and my husband always find time though. When the baby falls asleep try getting a mixed drink or a couple of beers to relax and seduce him. just think about something you guy`s did in the beginning of your relationship that really turn you on. Once the juices get flowing you`ll see that it`s better than it was before. And as far as your looks are concerned he`s not thinking about that he just wants his wife back that`s all. You have to make the 1st move sometimes but it`s well worth it. Go for it!!! And ignore what unknown said that`s what this site is for. No sex there!! What a jackass!!

Answer 10

(SMUT? No WONDER "Unknown" named him/herself that way - no clue whatsoever!)
It IS perfectly natural, and chances are your husband doesn't want to push you. I have to agree with the romantic dinner idea - you need some "alone" time! As for your lack of self-confidence - if it doesn't bother him, don't let it bother you! You'll get back to normal soon. Meantime, nursing really helps tighten up the muscles used during pregnancy, particularly where your bust line is concerned. AND there are a lot of OTC creams now which really help with stretch marks! In any event, believe it or not, "this too shall pass!"

Answer 11

Your husband loves you despite any stretch marks or baby fat. He is still attracted to you and thinks you are gorgeous! If you are having trouble getting in the mood, try getting a sitter, having a romantic date night (dressing uo always makes me feels sexy), DONT DRINK TOO MUCH! because it can make you unable to orgasm, and just let yourself relax. When you get home, make sure your husband understands that you need lots of slow and romantic foreplay to get into the right mood. (Also, if you do your kegels it will help tighten that area back up, so don't worry about the down there changes!) Just relax and take it slow, and I am sure you guys will love having sex again!!