2006-06-25 09:33:24 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous in Education & Reference ➔ Quotations
Reports of the precise wording vary, but at one time Lady Astor encountered Winston Churchill, and told him, "If I were your wife, I'd put poison in your tea."
He came right back with, "Madam, if I were your husband, I'd drink it!"
I don't believe anyone ever got the best of him...
2006-06-25 16:21:39 · answer #1 · answered by Riothamus Of Research ;<) 3 · 5⤊ 3⤋
Anything from Winston Churchill or Groucho Marx.
Here are a couple of GM favourites (the Churchill ones are already posted).
From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
Go, and never darken my towels again.
I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows until you come home.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
2006-06-26 12:02:21 · answer #2 · answered by Dadams 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
2. You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark?
3. When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.
4. Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives.
5. If you steal from one author, it's plagiarism; if you steal from many, it's research. Wilson Mizner
6. A woman voting for divorce is like a turkey voting for Christmas. Alice Glynn
7. Computers are useless. They can only give you answers. Pablo Picasso
2006-06-26 02:40:05 · answer #3 · answered by cuckoo747 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The woman Churchill rebuked was the redoutable Bessie Braddock, Labour MP for Liverpool, Garston.
George Bernard Shaw was approached by a society beauty at a party who said "We should have children, together, you and me, Mr Shaw! Think what wonderful children they would be, with my beauty and your brains!"
"But, madam" Shaw replied "Have you considered? What if it turned out that they had my beauty and your brains?!"
2006-06-25 16:54:51 · answer #4 · answered by brucebirchall 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If they were to take your brain, magnify it 1000 times, and drop it down the a**hole of a fly, it would roll around like a bee-bee in a boxcar.
2006-06-25 16:37:41 · answer #5 · answered by wildbill05733 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My fav of all time is the famous Winston Churchill one. A woman says
"Winston you are Drunk!"
He replies
"Madam, you are ugly but in the morning I shall be sober"
2006-06-25 16:51:07 · answer #6 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'll apologize in advance, if you're younger than 18...
The best put down I ever heard?
"Gee, it looks like a penis. Only smaller."
2006-06-25 16:38:52 · answer #7 · answered by St. Hell 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I forget the exact context I heard this in but it seems to fit this banter:
Beauty is skin deep, but ugly is to the bone.
2006-06-25 18:22:29 · answer #8 · answered by Cordelia 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I refuse to enter a battle of wits against someone who is unarmed
2006-06-26 12:55:52 · answer #9 · answered by spiegy2000 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When I was arguing with someone who was wrong. I said that I bowed to his inferior knowledge.
He thought I paid him a compliment and that he was right - but everyone else creased up!!!
2006-06-27 09:16:31 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
After holding the door open for the person behind me - who just sailed through, I said "I'm sorry, I didn't hear what you said" and she replied "I didn't say anything" I answered - "Oh, I thought you said thank you!"
2006-06-25 17:13:58 · answer #11 · answered by Only Asking 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋