Give me good jokes. 10 points for best 1.?

Answer 1

ok...its a long one

once there was 2 guys in the dessert . they had been there for weeks so they were hungry and really thirsty. Suddenly they spot a cabin , and quickly RUN to it. they knock as hard as they can hoping somebody will b there. then this old, hairy, smelly, fat, greasy lady comes out and says "what the f uck do you want?!"
one of them says "we are very very thirsty and please can you give us some water???" ...she quickly says "umm..i'll tell u what i'll give ya'll some water if one of ya'll fuc ks me"...one of the guy says "hell no im not fuc kin that bit ch" ..then she slams the door. A few minutes later the other guy knocks on the cabin and says " ok i'll tell you what, i'll f uck you but under one condition, i have to blindfold you." she agrees and she takes off her clothes. the guy desperate for water gets grossed out so he takes a corn on the cob and fuc ks her with it and throws it out the window. She says "again again! " so he fu cks her again and again he throws out the corn out the window. When she's finally satisfied she gives him the water and he runs outside to his friend and says " duude i got the water we're not going to die" then his friend responds " fu ck the water i want some more buttered corn!! "


the end

Answer 2

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank; she has the title, and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the blonde returns and repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely; but we are a little puzzled. We checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is - why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"
The blond replies....."Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"

Answer 3

Paddy loved his game of golf and whilst on a weeks holiday in England, he had of course brought his clubs with him. He called in at a local club and asked he if could have a game. He was told ‘yes’ and made his way to the first tee. There standing on the tee alone, was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. ‘Would you like to play a round with me’ she asked Paddy in a very coy voice. ‘To be sure’ says Paddy and he spent the next three hours playing the game of his life. Afterwards, she invited him into the clubhouse where she insisted on paying for a wonderful meal and as much drink as he could handle. They arranged to meet again the following day for a return match. Well, to cut a long story short, this turned out exactly the same as the previous day, with the addition that after the meal and drinks, she invited him back to her home. There, after more drink she offered him a blow*job. Ten minutes after accepting he had to admit that it was the most exceptional sexual experience of his life. Once again, they arranged to meet the next day. Enough is to say, but things followed the patter of the previous days, until she popped the question of a blow*job. Paddy replied ‘Is there any chance of a bunk-up instead’. ‘I’m sorry’ she replied ‘but I can’t - you see - I’m a transvestite’. ‘What the f--- is that’ asked Paddy. ‘You see’ she said ‘I’m really a man and not a woman’. ‘I know what you are’ shouted Paddy ‘You are a cheating f---ing bastard. For the past three days you’ve been playing off the ladies tees’.

Answer 4

umm...

what do dogs speak?
Barkenese

a blonde driver got pulled over by a blonde cop. The cop asks if she could see the drivers' license. the driver asks what a license looks like, and the cop says it is square and has your picture on it. the driver pulls out a compact mirror and hands it to the cop. the cop says :Well, if i knew you were a cop, i wouldn't have pulled you over!

Have you ever seen the movie Constipated?
It never came out.

What is the study of Back To School Clothes called?
Buy-ology

Person 1: My mom said i get to choose my new school clothes this year
Person 2: Oh Really? My dog chews mine.

Person: Dad, i'm not going to do my schoolwork this year
Dad: Why not? hard work never killed anyone.
Person: I know, i don't want to be the first victim

Answer 5

One day when the teacher walked to the black board, she noticed
someone handwritten the word 'penis' in tiny
small letters.


She turned around, scanned the class looking for the guilty
face. Finding none, she quickly erased it, and began her
class.


The next day she went into the room, and she saw, in larger
letters, the word 'penis' again on the black board.


Again, she looked around in vain for the culprit, but found
none, so she proceeded with the day's lesson.


Every morning, for about a week, she went into the classroom
and found the same word written on the board, each day's
word, larger than the previous day's word.


Finally, one day, she walked in, expecting to be greeted
by the same word on the board, but instead, found the words,


'The more you rub it, the bigger it gets!'

Answer 6

Float like a butterfly
Sting like a bee
I had sex with your mama and know it burns when I pee!

Your mom is like a cigarette I have her 40 times a day and she's killing me.

Your mom is so poor for christmas she bought a video of other people unwrapping presents.

Your nose is so big you can smell my next joke.

Your teeth are so yellow when you smile people slow down.

Your teeth are so yellow when you drink water it turns into lemonade.

Your mom is so ugly when she step on the floor rats come out shrieking and yelling for the exterminator.

Hey look at your face.

Answer 7

Two young guys are picked up by the cops for smoking dope – they appear in court on Friday. The judge says, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance rather than jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and get them to give up drugs forever. I'll see you back in court on Monday."

On Monday, the two guys are back in court. The judge says to the first one, "How did you do over the weekend?"

"Well, Your Honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever."

"Seventeen people? That's wonderful! What did you tell them?"

"I used a diagram, your Honor. I drew two circles like this - O o - and told them that the big circle is your brain before drugs and the small circle is your brain after drugs."

"That's admirable!" the judge says. He turns to the second guy. "And you, how did you do?"

"Well, your Honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever."

"One-hundred fifty six people! That's amazing! How did you manage to do that?"

"Well, I used a similar approach. I drew two circles - o O - and said, pointing to the small circle, "This is your rectum before prison..."

Answer 8

Ugliest woman in the world walks into WalMart with her two kids. The greeter says "Well, what beautiful twins!!" The mother says, "do you really think they are twins? The girl is 9 and the boy is 7..." The greeter replies, "well, I just can't believe you got l@id twice!!!"

Answer 9

well i heard this one recently , so here u go....
man & wife decide to keep a code word for havin sex n they keep it as "washing clothes"
one day man says..... i wanna wash clothes, is the machine empty
wife says - no
after sometime , wife says- machine is ready!
so man says - no thnx, i washed them by hand..!!
LOL
now tht is funny only if u understand it
so prolly i'll get 10 pts if u are able to understand this joke!

Answer 10

Why did the pervert cross the road ? Because his dingy was stuck in the chicken !!