What do I do with a disrespectful teenage girl?

Question

I have a step daughter who does not want to live with her mother but has little respect for her father. It makes me mad because he will tell her to do something and she will say no. She is very lazy,unhappy,rude,mean and evil acting. It's hard for me because I was brought up in a house of yes mam no sir. To have a child tell her father" whatever get out of my room,mine your own business". Or she will just say rude things ex. "Like don't touch me" if he tries to get a hug, get out my room and slam the door in his face, demand things and he will do it, but the day before she threw the phone to him is disstressing. I want her to go live with her mother. Because she wont dare try that with her because she wont put up with it. How do I get her to want to live with her mother?

Sorry I shold add she is 14 and I have a 14 year old daughter my self and that her mother had an affair with a convict,got pregnant by him and move to vegas to be with him. He's out of prison and they have been living together for two years. The mother regrets what she did and wanted my husband back. But of course he wasn't feeling that. We met a year and a half and all this took place. Of course the mother was telling her daughter to act out so I would not marry him but that didn't work.we are newly married 6 months she has accepted defeat. But mom has verbally abuse tongue. I mean very abuse ex. she would so something like get the f--- off the phone and get your mother f------ homework done. I'm not going to tell you that s---again. Now her daughter after living with this personaily for 11 yrs has that same rude distasteful attiude. Without the cussing though.

Sorry I shold add she is 14 and I have a 14 year old daughter my self and that her mother had an affair with a convict,got pregnant by him and move to vegas to be with him. He's out of prison and they have been living together for two years. The mother regrets what she did and wanted my husband back. But of course he wasn't feeling that. We met a year and a half and after this took place. Of course the mother was telling her daughter to act out so I would not marry him but that didn't work.we are newly married 6 months she has accepted defeat. But mom has a verbally abuse tongue. I mean very abuse ex. she would say something like" get the f--- off the phone and get your mother f------ homework don. I'm not going to tell you that s---again." Now her daughter after living with this personailty for 11 yrs has that same rude distasteful attiude. Without the cussing though.

Answer 1

same thing you do with a drunken sailor: shave her belly with a rusty razor. At least, that's how the song goes.

Answer 2

OH MY GOODNESS! I CANNOT BELIEVE SOME OF THE ANSWERS HERE! THIS POOR GIRL! Ok, if ANY ONE of you were raised like that, who do you think YOU would be? She hasn't had love. She hasn't had affection. She hasn't had someone tell her how smart she is. If you throw her to her mother she will grow up to be nothing. From what I've heard here, she doesn't seem to know how to accept attention and therefore is going to be difficult to break into being cared for, if you have the guts to try! If she orders you AND YOUR HUSBAND around, it needs to be ignored. She doesn't know it yet, but that's the last thing that she needs. She'll grow up feeling lonely and unwanted. Don't let him back off when he hugs her and she sais don't touch me. She sais 'get out of my room' you stand there and say 'i can't because i love you too much to not care how your day was'. Laugh when she gives you attitude and just say 'i love you'. I don't care if you want a fresh life with your new husband. You married a PACKAGE and you knew what was in it when you opened it. For the throwing things, and temper tantrums, remember that you're the parent and she needs to understand that aggression like that isn't acceptable. Tell her that she's better than that. Ask her to please let you know what's wrong so you can help. She has anger problems no doubt because of how she was raised with her mother. It's your job to help her, and if you don't want to treat her as your own you need to leave the picture because that's not helping.

Answer 3

First off I would empty her room of everything except her bed and clothes. No phone, radio,t.v....nothing. Then I would talk to my husband and say that you can't live like that. Then you decide what is the best course of action to reel her into line and you present a united front and then after you lay all the rules into place you tell her,"you have two options, either you follow the rules or we will pack your things and move you in with your mother." Then you stand by what you have told her. I have raised 3 daughters and I am watching my neighbor go through what you are going through. The big difference is my children were punished and had to earn back their belongings and the neighbors daughter acts like your step daughter and still gets to go to the movies with her friends on Friday night..... Why should she behave? Also, after taking away everything she will say, I'm bored. Have an age appropriate book ready to hand her.

Answer 4

First of all I tend to feel you on that level. I myself have A daughter that was exactly the same, she acted identical to your step daughter. you know the best thing her father can do is go into his daughter,s room come at her by telling her first of all he's not there for any problems but that he's only there to talk to her about A hard decision he has made.He's come to A decision that was very difficult because he loves her very much but that he can't take how she is treating him so he's decided to let her go. The other suggestion you can do is you talk to her about what she is doing and let her know that possibilities are that if she were in A group home she would'nt be getting away with what she is doing now with her parents.

Answer 5

Try putting her in counseling/psychiatric therapy. I am having the same trouble w/my own 16-year old daughter. She has been skipping school, not doing her homework, running away, lying, stealing, all sorts of things. She tells everyone she wants to go live w/her dad in Tennessee, yet her dad cant even take care of himself (he lives out of his truck), let alone take care of a 16-year old girl. I've had to put her in therapy. Her behavior has gotten so out of control and disruptive to home life (I have a 6 yr old son as well). I've been told by her therapist that some of her behavior is normal teenage rebellion (messy room, mouthy) but as for the other behavior, her therapist says it is due to her being so angry because her father & I are not together (and not getting back together ever!!). My advice to you is to try speaking to your step-daughter's mother and together coming up with a plan to have her move back w/her mom and get her into therapy. Could be many reasons why she is lashing out. Peer pressure, drugs, alcohol, sexual abuse, being bullied at school, low self-esteem, etc., could be the cause for her behavior. Under no circumstances am I condoning her behavior and absolutely you and her father should not stand for it either. Present a "united front" when dealing with her. Make sure both you, her father, & mother are on the same page in regards to disciplining her. She has to know that not only will her mother not stand for her bad behavior, but you & her father as well. Neither of you should feel guilty for doing what you both have to do to get her under control. It is not an easy thing to do, but if nothing is done, it will do her more harm than good. I want you to know you & him are not alone in this. Many parents are going through the same thing - I am one parent myself going through the same as you. Keep the faith, be strong. I was a pistol myself when I was younger. My parents didn't take any crap and got me help when I needed it. I turned out ok and now I understand what I put them through. Good Luck!

Answer 6

I've read some of these answers and first of all want you to know that for you not to have any say in a minors behavour in a committed relationship IS TOTAL BS... You are a acting adult parent in this relationship. I do not agree with beating her *** in today's world although sometimes I feel thats what they need - I just don't want to see you go to jail over it - lol. However, you are an adult figure in the house and as far as I'm concerned your the queen bee there now. Eventually she has to get a clue and submit to that or find another place to live. I'd give your man a choice to put his foot down and make this clear or risk losing you cause you simply cannot go on with all this stress and think about it - this is stress that you willingly came into in support of your man - and for people to say you have no say in it??? lol - get a clue - you do have say in it until this child is 18 years of age or they can get the f out of the house and go back to her Mom or a bootcamp like others have said.

My 11 year old has challenged me like this already and I come down hard on him for it. His mom passed away several years ago and he has some issues that need to be dealt with but I have learned that keeping him totally busy all the time keeps him out of trouble and away from some bad influences which they are really prone to now thru the teen years.

I've seen some really positive things with girls even young ones in their teen years - getting into Karate and starting to feel good about themselves while learning discipline and respect and out my way it's only like 100.00 a month. Girls wrestling is another avenue - kickboxing - they are doing all kinds of stuff now - that not only gets all their anger and aggression out but teaches them respect, discipline and team spirit when they get to tournament levels. I think she needs some direction to get her mind off off Mom & Dad's divorce and this will side track all her energy to a positive level. It will also help her feel like she is on a path that makes sense and as she feels good about herself she will change with the wind.

I wish you good luck in this frustrating situation and above all be Strong.

Answer 7

my step daughter was 14 and was acting the same way,her mom took the phone away from her once and she pushed her mom.that was a bad misteak,her mother beat the day lights out of her and then called the police on her they locked her up for about 2 months.she was begging to come home.she is a pretty good kid now.

Answer 8

If one of my kids or my step kids talked to me or my husband that way, they would get their mouth smacked, and I don't care what people think or say about it! People are too afraid of their kids anymore to actually do something about their behavior, because they threaten to call the cops or children's services. If my kids throw that at me, I tell them "here, let me dial for you!"
Smack her mouth, and don't appologize for it! It is wrong for a 14 year old to talk that way to ANY adult let alone her own parents! Tell her that you will NOT accept it, and take stuff away from her. Don't send her back to her mother, or she will end up just like her, and then what will be accomplished? She will just grow up to verbally abuse her kids too. You and your husband need to get on the same page about how you will discipline her,and if he won't do it, then step up and do it yourself! Don't take that from her!

Answer 9

I am afraid that Counseling is about the only alternative now. Child raising starts at birth, and can not be "caught up" after years of neglecting discipline. Maybe you can talk with the mother and try to convince her it is in the child's best interest if she intervenes.

Answer 10

Guess what --you DO have a say in what she does. If you are providing for her, buying her clothes, food, shelter-- you have a say. And that came from our family counselor.

Maybe try some "tough love"? Change locks on her, empty out her room when she's out and tell her she has to earn her things back. Make life as impossible for her as she's making it for you! Her dad needs to put his foot down and not budge one iota! He's gotta show her who's boss!

Answer 11

It is a very troubling age for girls -- and the fact that her father married a woman who just wants to get rid of her doesn't help.

Try showing a little understanding. You may also want to try some family counselling.