wat should i do or was i wrong?

Question

well i have daughter that is 16 and she is her father's only child.i have nver ask him for nothing until i had to get child support from him.so today i called him and ask can he help her get her car fixed cause i bought me a new car and gave her my 94 saturn ,so when i ask him to help get her car fix,he blew up said no bcause brittany did not call him and wish him happy fathers day and so on,so we went at it and i told him i will see him in court again.i just told him that he shouldn't hold that against her because when u r a teen u don't think about things like that i mean she is in high skool she have her friends and she just got her first job so give her a break but he went on and on bout she should call.but his uncle passed away last month and his family lives like 3 or 4 blocks down from us.and he did not came to see his daughter so how do u think she feels.so if any one out there can tell me how do i tell my daughter this

Answer 1

the trick is to not make everything "tit for tat". Point out to him that she is hurting as much as he is and that they need to address eachother about trouble issues between them without putting you in the middle. You are not responsible for his or her actions, they are. Sometimes nothing can be done that is rational and it must become a legal matter, however, you CAN request of the court, a situation that would force the two of them to deal with eachother themselves. Tell the court you are concerned about the relationship between the two and that you would like the court to order the two of them to get councelling together. That may be harder than the way it is now but nothing is ever easy and the outcome of that may be better in the long run than leaving things as is! This is only one thing you can do to remove yourself from the conflict between the two of them and stay out of the "bad guy" spot light. Beyond that, the only thing you can do is just be there for your daughter and defend her when all else fails. Now would be a good time to start teaching her how to manage her finances and establish her credit and all the things she will need to be able to do when she is on her own. help her my educating her and showing her how to help herself.

Answer 2

OK, it sounds like you never call your ex. He was hurt that his only daughter did not call him to say Happy Fathers Day. You should have reminded your daughter. If your daughter did not say Happy Mother's Day wouldn't you be a bit upset? Don't you hate people who call you only when they need help or something? Well that is what you did to him. Now I understand he should help out with the car because this is his daughter. But you need to give him some time from feeling a bit ignored and used. I do hope he steps up to the plate and gives his share of the money to help with the car. Good Luck and maybe have your duaghter call him once in a while so he does not feel ignored.

Answer 3

You have to try and be patient. Try not to let her see you upset and don't talk to her about what is going on, (as far as him saying No because she didn't call him and tell him happy Father's Day) I mean be for real. Is that the only reason that he would not want to help his daughter? That is just wrong. He should be happy she is still in school and working. He shouldn't hold that against her. Sorry that anyone would have to go through this. But I know it does happen.
You right about taking him back to court. He's probably not paying enough child support any way.

Answer 4

Sounds like Dad needs to grow up. When you are a true parent you love your child unconditionally as you probably know. It is unfortunate that children must be punished for the lack of intelligence ones parent has. Maybe in the future you should remind her on holidays to call. That was obviously hurtful to him and I can see why. How do you forget its father's day? Then you ask him for money? I can see why he would be this way, but again a parent should love unconditionally.
Anyways, I would just tell your daughter the truth. It could be a lesson in life that she want forget. You can't neglect someone then expect them to hand you something. Also, if it was her birthday, etc how would she feel?

Answer 5

Wow, that is possibly the longest single sentence I have read.

As long as he is paying child support each month, I don't think there's any legal recourse to force him to pay to have the car fixed. It's possible that you could get an increase in the support payments, but thats about it. It's too bad the two don't seem to be on better terms, but that's just how teenagers are sometimes. It should be up to him to be the bigger man and still take an interest in his daughter's life.

Answer 6

I think it is time to start letting your daughter and her father deal with their relationship. Sometimes without meaning to, you do more harm than good by being involved. It is hard to let your child have a relationship without your involvement in it, but I think you will see that the sooner you remove yourself from their relationship the better of your daughter will be. She will either find a strong relationship with her father or she will find out he really does not care. Either way she sounds old enough to handle it. I could go into much detail, but believe me you would not want to hear.

Answer 7

There are legal recourses you can take against him, but it depends on what state you are in. I live in Arkansas and there are expenses that the non-custodial parent can be held responsible for beyond the court ordered child support. Health and education cost being the number one things. You'll need to check with a lawyer and see what you can do.
But on another note I completely understand what you are going through.

Answer 8

the guy sounds like a re all #sshole good for you bringing up your daughter on your own without any help from him
i am a male with 2 grown up daughters and if they need my help i come running. i just cant get my head round her fathers attidude
i know at 16 it can be hard to explain this sort of thing but she sounds a sensible young lady so i would try to explain it to her gently
its his loss not haveing contact his daughter if it was me it would drive me crazy
i can only wish you both luck

Answer 9

i think you were wrong, she might be a teen and have a lot going on, but honestly is there more going on in her life or his, he just had a passing, his forgotten birthday, yes he should be pissed.

if he went to a funeral, she should have gone to see him and gave him her condolences, not the other way around HE was in mourning not her, and it's not about the money, not about you asking him for anything for her, its about a relationship "theirs"

she expects or you expect him there only for money, well that sucks, i really think you should not encourage her to act like this or make excuses for her, what ever problems you and him had or have, should not include her, don't use her to get back at him for what ever, you need to show her, to be grateful and loving towards her parents, she needs to respect and know her priorities, how would you feel if she forgot to call you on your bday?

she works that's great , she is learning responsibilities, that is great, but that is not all in life, he is the only blood father she has and will ever have, it is up to her and him to make that work out, don't encourage selfish, behavior.

Answer 10

OH PLEASE!!! ISN'T HE A FATHER EVERYDAY. ONE DAY OUT OF THE YEAR AND HE IS MAKING A BIG DEAL. GROW UP. HE IS NOT A LITTLE BOY ANYMORE. ANYWAY,HER BEING HIS ONLY CHILD SHE SHOULD NOT WANT FOR ANYTHING. CHILD SUPPORT SHOULD BE UNHEARD OF. I DO NOT FEEL YOU ARE WRONG. SHE IS YOUNG AND HAVE HER OWN LIFE. IT IS GOOD TO SEE SHE HAS A JOB SO THE NEXT TIME SOMEHTING HAPPENS WITH HER CAR OR ANYTHING ELSE FOR THAT MATTER SHE CAN SHOW HIM SHE DOES NOT NEED S*** FROM HIM, FATHER OR NOT. JUST TEACH HER HOW TO SAVE AND BUDGET. YOU ARE DOING GREAT. JUST BE STRAIGHT WITH YOUR DAUGHTER ABOUT THE SITUATION AND LET HER DECIDE ABOUT HIM AND THEIR REALTIONSHIP ON HER OWN. HE WILL BE THE ONE WITH THE REGRETS.