My son says it is hard to talk to me cause im not a guy.?

Question

Please help me to understand this. i know kids have all kinds of questions and i told him if i dont know i know some family members that do. I cried all night because as a mother i can see he is going through somthing and i cant help him cause he wont tell me am i over reacting he's only 13 and he says im overprotective also

and when i mention that i cant make his father be around and told him that it was not him that his father has issues he starts crying i want to help but i dont know how

i have no idea where his father is, i have always left the door open for his father to come in, i never ever say anything bad about his father

Answer 1

Huh?

How can you not understand? He's 13 that's what 13 year olds do. Nobody understands a 13 year old. They 'love' to believe that. All alone in the world.

Ask your mom how you were at that age. Remember the saying: "You'll understand when you are a mom."? Well this is it.

Don't worry, every kid goes through this and usually they turn out just fine. Give him some room. Not to much though, you still are his mother.

Caring is crying, you'll never get used to it but it's puberty this will pass.

Answer 2

He has a point. Males and females have a tendency to think along different lines. What does this mean?

Absolutely nothing. There is not nearly as much problems with being a single mother today than there was as little as a decade ago. A father figure is recommended, but a complete necessity. With the divorce rate as high as it is, I would be very amused at anyone that states that a child NEEDS his dad...especially if said father is abusive.

If necessary, does he have an uncle, family friend (adult) grandfather, or other male member he can talk to?

As for being overprotective, good. He'll resent it now, but so long as you allow him to grow up, he'll make it to adulthood so his own kids can accuse him of the same thing, where he will smile and possibly call you to thank you.

Answer 3

thirteen is a difficult age for even someone with the best of life/
You are not failing him. It is best he doesn't hear you crying all night because it will make him feel quilty for making you feel bad and that will make him hold things back from you.
Is there any trustful man who can mentor take some time with your son.
Kids hate it when mom over reacts. Then they complain when you don't react enough. That is part of being a teenage boy.
Actually My boys opened up to me. Let your son knows that you love him and you will respect him whether or not he shares with you or not/ How about suggesting he keep a journal. Hand him a booklet or he can keep it on the computer. He can look back over the months and see how he has matured.
Ease up Mom. He is just becoming a teenage. Think about how you word your thoughts to him, Make sure you don't put him on the definsive or be condensending to him. Treat him like he is more mature and that will encourage him to mature.
Say something to him like this. "I am so prouf of how you are maturing, I want your opinoin on something.......how can I make you more confortable when I drop you off at school" If might say. let me out of the car a block away. Just give him a smile and then do it. Little things like that aren't worth fighting about. Slowly give him more freedom. For instance if you never let him go to a movie without him, tell him if he does all his homework this week it will show how responsible he is and you will reward him by dropping him and a friend off at the movies.
For every action there is a reaction. .Teach him to act maturly because that shows he is growing up. Compliment him more than scold him. Watch your tone with him. If you are always screating at him, why would he listen?

It is hard as a mom to let go and let our little ones fly

Answer 4

Dam you idiotic responders.. jeeze.. how rude. How can she not understand??? Maybe because she hasn't been in this situation before - obviously! Freaking A.

Augh.. Anyway., There are two issues. One is he may be using these as excuses simply to not talk to you because he's going through "that age" - and he is (also that.. rebelious I hate you stage.. thinking it's your fault that dad isn't there - even if there's proof everywhere that he's to blame). The other is that he really does wish he had a dad or male role model to talk to. If I was stuck with all women and a bunch of immature boys, I'd probably go out of my mind too! LOL

Some kids may act as if they've got tons of friends and a wonderful life. Yet deep down inside, they hate life, are dealing with all sorts of problems, and are too embarassed to talk to a parent about the issues.. this leads me to...

MENTOR: What can you do? It's real easy actually. Get hold of a church .. or a local community center of some sort and ask to be enrolled in a mentor program.

I myself am a mentor. I work with an 11 yr old boy from the city that I live in. He and his mother signed up to be part of the program. It lets kids have a role model outside of the home.

It's a really great thing. We meet at least once a week for at least an hour. Everything we talk about is completely confidential. I don't tell him that he's stupid or wrong or to do this or that. What we do is give him guidance WHEN he asks for it. Sometimes I'll question him to get him to ask for help in something.

Whether he's saying he doesn't want to talk to you because he just doesn't want to talk to a parent, or if it's just that he wants a male role model.. either way, it's a beneficial relationship.

I've been wanting to try an online mentoring but haven't ventured out there yet. There is something to say for actually being there though.. going camping, throwing frisbee, training a new puppy, fishing, help with homework etc. But just having somebody to talk to sometimes is all that somebody needs.

I wish I had that as a kid - some big brother or older male to talk to. It would have really lightened the load on my shoulders as a kid.

I attended a seminar about raising children., ages., etc. The lady asked how many of you would like to revisit your entire childhood.. not one person rose their hand. Most said no way.. it was pure hell! All the pressures, fitting in, just stupid stuff, but somehow so important. It's not easy being a kid!

Answer 5

I know that this is so painful to you. I am female and I have a 13 year old grandson who comes to my house quite often. I have told him that I will talk with him about anything he wants to talk about. I just let him know that I am available. He does ask questions and I answer them truthfully. Do you remember when you were 13? There are some private things that you don't want to discuss with parents. However, if you leave the door opened to him with no pressure, he will feel free to talk. You have to be careful not to be critical though. You have probably been teaching him morals and the right way to live all along. Trust that he will remember this. Also, this is a time in his life when hormones are active. Children do go through this at this age. If he tells you that he needs to talk to a man, refer him to his dad, grandfather or your preacher. He will be ok. You need to relax and don't bug him this is so normal.

Most of all, he is probably be feeling sad because his father is not around. Don't emphasize that. He needs to feel that his father loves him even if he isn't there all of the time. The same thing happened to my son. He turned out fine.

Answer 6

I am a 52 year-old father. I get the same thing from my teen daughters. You're not odd. Accept that most children will tell their parents "You don't understand" eventually during their teen years.

You probably are overly-protective in his eyes. What else are parents supposed to do besides protect their children from the world? He's being a kid and you're being a parent.

Try to see that he has some exposure to male adults, especially male relatives.

If possible, try not to lose another night's sleep over your son's efforts to grow. Crying can be good...to a point. Losing a night's sleep doesn't help either of you.

Each of you has a role to play in your family. Don't beat yourself up if you're not the perfect mother and father to him. Just do the best that you can and ask others for help when you need it.

Answer 7

For me, the best thing to do for some case like this is rilex and be supportive whatever happened and open out your heart widely to accept everything. Forcing never been good for anyone and must remember about free will. Even he's a kids and just 13, not mean he don't know what he doing or speak just because he see's something in different point of views. So, be glad and keep pray/hope he and you will go on well.

Answer 8

My now 17 year old nephew couldn't talk to his mom about a lot (sometimes still can't). He talks with his Grandfather, his uncles and me his aunt. My husband and I are right now his biggest advisors on the dating issue. If your father is available, ask him if he would go out with your son some day, just the two of them, do something he likes to do and just talk. Maybe that would help him. Also, get an uncle (my nephew has 3 uncles) who might enjoy spending time with him to speak with him. Then also, if he has an aunt who is willing to talk with him, give him that option also. It is summer, see if they would be willing to keep him overnight sometime? My nephew's mom has learned more from us about what is going in my nephew's life this way. She too is over-protective, but then some of the kids he used to hang with are into drugs and alcohol, so being over-protective is not a bad thing. Good luck.

Answer 9

stop fussing!
stop freakin out over every detail of your son's life.
he is very very resilient. much more than you give him credit for.
accept you are NOT a bloke
accept that for some things your son needs a bloke!
if your son says you are overprotective there is a darn good chance you are overprotective. loosen up a little
so if his dad does not have contact for whatever reason I suggest you locate his dad and either ask him directly or get someone he trusts to ask him directly to please have some time with his son. If this fails you could try just simply leaving your son on his fathers doorstep or just back off and give the kid some space.
either way your son isn't going to die just because his mother isn't a bloke!

Answer 10

You want to make sure that you and son have a good relationship, not this elusive father. So deal with the relationship on a two person relationship, not a triangle. Mom, boys go through this at this time in their lives. Don't press it, just let him know that he can come to you with anything, create that relationship. Let him get away with a few things you did not before, of course the things that won't hurt him. Just, allow something you haven't before.