I have this friend who is a guy and yes, we really are just friends (even though I hate saying *just* friends, I think friends are never *just* friends). We are both 20 by the way. We get along very well, have the same interests etc. and I'm happy to have him as a friend. Except that... Sometimes I develop this little crush on him and can't help thinking how good couple we would make. But then, I don't think that we could go back to being friends if we first went out together and then broke up. I'd very much like it to be possible but I just don't believe in it (something to do with the fact that my parents have been very much divorced since I was very small. Now they couldn't even be in the same room for two minutes. So, I think our friendship is too valuable to be put in risk for something that probably wouldn't last anyway and I'm just going to shut up about my occasional feelings. I honestly don't know how he feels about these things ...what do i do?
2006-06-25 04:23:42 · 13 answers · asked by sarahie x 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Well, a friend is better a boyfriend than just a lover. you should try talking to him, or seeing if a friend of yours would talk to him to find out if he does harbour any feelings for you. A good boyfriend is one that was a friend before becoming intimate, so this guy has already fulfilled half the requirements. Talk to him! Maybe flirt with him a little, to see how he responds. Does he have any other girls in his life? If he doesn't, then maybe he's waiting for you! If he does, maybe he just doesn't want his attraction to you to show. Either way, talk to him.
My best friend and I were kind of like you and your guy friend. One day we started holding hands, and next thing we knew, we were going out and in love with each other. Sometimes you have to risk a little to get something more.
Good luck!
2006-06-25 04:30:22 · answer #1 · answered by Breakdancer Girl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
thats a difficult situation you got there... I had a similar situation way back when except that im a guy... As I was on High School, I had a bestfriend and we were close friends and we understand each other very much. Time goes by, I had this feelings for her and after we graduated from college I told her that I love her and she was shocked! Actually I have been keeping it from her for years... I can say that it was the right decision that I told her how I feel. Were still together till now and going stronger everyday and we want to spend the rest our lives together forever...
If you love him so much, tell him even though the risk is too much to take... Tell him before its too late.. You don't want to live your life saying to yourself "what if told him?"... Things could change but the reward could be much bigger than you ever expected... Good luck...:-)
2006-06-25 11:47:03 · answer #2 · answered by one-of-a-kind 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is something I have learned both from practical experience and from talking with my guy friends (and I'm more than twice your age).
Guys..well, they assess every woman they meet in terms of "doable or not doable." I guarantee he has already thought about this with you. However, in order to be friends only, most need to put aside the strong biological drive to have sex with you. So they put you into the "friend" zone. Once there, they rarely will consider putting you back into "girlfriend" zone.
So the odds are that he isn't game, and from what guys have told me, if a guy wants to put you into that zone, he won't be shy about it. Sooo if he hasn't made that move, it probably isn't going to happen.
(Read the book: He's Just Not that Into You..a really great way to better understand how dudes work)
As to your feelings, they are completely understandable because a really good friend is very much an attractive attribute in a mate.
You can talk to him about it, but tread carefully or you may risk the relationship.
And warning..the WORST thing you can do for your heart is fall into the "friends with benefits" classifcation. Once there, it never progresses to relationship love, and you'll be forever hurt that his feelings are not mutual.
2006-06-25 11:31:56 · answer #3 · answered by Lori A 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you two are THAT close, I'm willing to bet he's had the same thoughts. TALK TO HIM ABOUT IT. See what he thinks. My husband and I were best buds for 3 years before we realized how ridiculous it was to keep coming to each other with our man/woman problems when the perfect solution was sitting right across from us. It has lasted 20 years in September. We knew each other so well that there was no fear in getting involved. It was like the natural next step. When we talked about it possibly ruining our friendship we both realized it would just deepen it.
As far as breaking up goes, why would you? You KNOW each other, right? My parents divorced as well. But, sometimes, when it comes to your heart, you have to take a chance or grow old alone. Your only 20, so you can take it slow but by all means, bring it up to him.
Imagine that he really is THE one and you miss the opportunity--won't you wonder for the rest of your life what it would have been like if you had just had the guts to bring it up? Skipped chances are the only regrets in life, just bring it up for discussion. See what he thinks and go from there.
If he has the same fears, he'll be honest and you will continue to be friends. If he thinks you guys have a chance of making it, you might have your soul mate right in front of your eyes and a story to tell your kids--who knows?
But, I think your crazy if you don't at least broach the subject with him because you will regret it for the rest of your life. Let me know how it goes--good luck....
Hope it works for you like it did for me because loving your best friend is the easiest love in the world!!!
2006-06-25 11:49:31 · answer #4 · answered by deborah b 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a very similar situation on my hands. I'm "just" friends with a man I've known now for about 17 years. I totally was blown away the first time I met him, he's such a wonderful person. Anyway, everyone else knew how I felt about him but I needed to be 100% sure myself, so one night when it wound down to just the two of us, I spilled my guts. It was hard, not to mention embarrassing, but I'm SO glad I did finally do it because from that moment on I knew we were just super friends (even though I still think we'd be perfect together in so many ways) and I've come to accept that. He's too wonderful to lose as a friend for me to be stupid and immature and act like well, if you don't like me like I like you, then forget you. I really think you should have a nice heart to heart with him, at least you won't be driving yourself nuts wondering, right? Best of luck! :)
2006-06-25 11:41:42 · answer #5 · answered by luvwhitelilacs 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just talk to him about how you feel without putting any pressure or expectations on him and see what he says!!! If you two are true friends like you say, it won't affect your relationship if he doesn't feel the same way!!! Speak your mind so you have no regrets!!!!!!!!! Good luck!!!
2006-06-25 11:38:02 · answer #6 · answered by star 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well actually if u really like him and he likes u yall should go out eveen though u think that it mmight nt b wat u think. Bcuz after all after yall become a couple and break up u should say outloud what bout us just being friends and they usually go along with that by saying that's ok i can handle that
2006-06-25 11:27:30 · answer #7 · answered by lilnikki_2010spongebob 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You seem to have a good head on your shoulders. If you are as good of friends as you say, just talk to him. Maybe he feels similar to what you feel.
2006-06-25 11:30:42 · answer #8 · answered by itwasme 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
who says you will get together break and up be hatefull to each other? thats for you 2 to decided and if you decided to still be close and friendly then you will be close and firendly
2006-06-25 11:28:38 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think its love and congrats,just tell him before its too late,try ur luck ,bye
2006-06-25 11:26:43 · answer #10 · answered by raja rock 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋