Is it better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all?

Question

sigh, im wrangling with the question.... i used to think the easy answer was loved and lost but now after i've fallen in love i have a new perspective. the pain is so much more real.

Answer 1

I think the following excerpt will shed more light on the subject:
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"...When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams...
as the north wind lays waste the garden.

For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you.
Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height
And caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.

Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire,
that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast.

All these things shall love do unto you
That you may know the secrets of your heart,
And in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.

But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness
And pass out of love's threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh,
But not all of your laughter,
And weep, but not all of your tears..."

- Kahlil Gibran
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Now make your own choice, as this is a personal question only you can answer.

Answer 2

Breakups hurt like HELL! Been there, hope I don't do it again....sigh...

You need to take the risk or you won't ever find the right person.

But there are things you can do that increase the odds of success.

Look for people that have common interests and goals. Love can be blind but soon as the blinders wear off you have to deal with what you see, so try to see problems sooner rather than later and instead of expecting them to change - move on before you are in too deep.

Keep yourself. This sounds simple, but it is far too easy to get so caught up in the fire of a new relationship that you begin to neglect other friendships and your other interests. This is a bad idea for two reasons:
1. Because then your "love" is your everything and it hurts that much worse if it ends.
and...just as importantly
2. Because when you cease to be who you were when you met, you cease to be the same interesting person. You need to stay interesting and independent as both make you more attractive.

So yes, it is better to have loved and lost. Not just because if you don't try it, you'll never find what you want, but because it adds perspective. You get a lot better idea of what you want and what you don't by experience.

Keep the faith. The right person is out there. When you'll meet, no one knows...but you will.

In the meantime keep it light until you meet someone worthy of the risk.

Answer 3

Loved and lost is much better than to go through life always wondering what you've missed. Yes, the pain can be unbearable if it doesn't work out, but all the great things of being in love are worth it. It's a wonderful feeling to be in love; the excitement, the joy, the warm feelings about yourself and the other person. If love wasn't so good, people wouldn't always be searching for it.

Answer 4

Yes. It is better to have loved and to have lost, than to have never loved at all. What you need to do when you feel the pain is to replace those thoughts with the good times you had with that person. Block out all the bad times and thoughts that you had. Also, move on with your life to find new "love" or new "types of love". There is love in all kinds of relationships such as friends, mother, father, children, spouses, mates, etc. There are all kinds of love. You don't say what your specific situation is or 'what type' of relationship from the ones I have listed. If you had I probably could have helped you more.

Answer 5

the pain might be unbearable... but think about the happy memories u were able to create for yourself. think back to the time when u were really happy with him, and tell yourself it was worth it. every chapter of your life holds a different lesson. learn that lesson and then tell yourself its time to move on. the thing is, not everyone was made to be in another person's life forever. some just come in a make it a happier place at a particular time. now its time for u to find something else to colour your life. after all, break ups are merely new opportunities to find someone better. imagine, if he wasn't the one, think how much more perfect the one would be. just be strong. u'll find happiness again.

and yes, its better to have loved and lost than to hav never loved at all.

Answer 6

life is a mix of pain and joy feelings, listen to me life dont give everything without taking its part of this joy
i will tell u something if u didnt felt love ever u wont ever know how much the people who love feels but now u do
look to the bright side when u felt love and u live in love im sure u was the happiest person ever so dont be upset that u lost u lover cuz u will find someone else to respect u and give u all the respect u want this is life as much as it give as much it takes everything should be balanced ;)

Answer 7

I think its better to have loved and lost then to never have loved at all because at least you got a chance at experiencing what some people ever will, true love. Even though you might've lost your "love" at least you can look back and remember how good it felt to be in love, and know that such great feelings for someone actually exist, and maybe you'll be able to find those feelings again for someone else one day.

Answer 8

I've loved & lost, and I can tell you that after feeling what true love is really like, there's no way I would ever give up having felt that, even though I know the hurt that followed was unbearable.

Answer 9

i think so. if you never fell in love then lost, how would you know that it wouldn't have worked out. there's a saying that i really like... something like "To love and win is the best thing. To love and lose, the next best." and its true. just keep being positive, you'll find someone for you!

Answer 10

I liked the poem, Stop:

"...When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams...
as the north wind lays waste the garden.

For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you.
Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height
And caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.

Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire,
that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast.

All these things shall love do unto you
That you may know the secrets of your heart,
And in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.

But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness
And pass out of love's threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh,
But not all of your laughter,
And weep, but not all of your tears..."

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Is the pain of love worth it.

The question itself implies that we have a choice in love. Which of course we dont. It happens when it happens, and sometimes it just doesnt work out.

To be angry with the "Gods" --why would you bring all of this to me, only to take it all away? Such great pain. Profound sadness.

I dont think theres a soul alive who hasnt been there. Not that it makes it any easier.

Is it better though. To have experienced the great joy of love, despite the resulting pain?

I think the answer has to be yes. And, many are wounded, haunted so, and simply do not survive it.

Still. My answer is yes.

Love. Its the height of human emotion. Whether we admit it or not, or maybe so many of us have forgotten, its the essence of what it means to be human. Theres no other function of humanity greater than that of love.
You cannot earn enough money, solve enough problems, be successful in enough endeavors, to ever compensate or compare to the value of love.

Love. Its the pinnacle of human experience. To never have fallen in love is to miss out on the most important part of human life.

I liked the quote, because its says--sure, without having loved, you might laugh. You may cry.

But. Never will you experience the infinity of joy and laughter of which you are capeable as a human being, yet the infinite sadness of having lost at love.

Just a few words, a few thoughts to complete this post.

In one of George Micheals songs, he says, "I'll never dance this way again."

And, in a movie, someone was once consulted about having lost a true love; that they would never ever find such love again. And, the confidant said "yes, youre right. you have to let this love go. and, no, you'll never find or have this particular love again. But, that doesnt mean you wont fall in love again. Because, you will. Love will come again. Its never the same, always different."

As infinite as the pain may be, once in love, a deep trough, endless the emotion, never to be forgotten.
Difficult to imagine. But, given time, and faith, ...you must trust. You will love again.