My toddler has been HORRIBLE since I brought the baby home last week?

Question

My son is three years old and can be hard to manage at times, but he's been worse since the baby has been here. I find myself in tears because everyone who's been helping me has been disciplining him and it seems like the baby is getting more love than he is. Now he has pink eye so I constantly have to get onto him about being in the baby's face. He loves his brother, but I'm afraid that he'll soon hate him. I'm so confused. any suggestions?

FYI: The attentions is there. I've been allowing my toddler to sleep in my bed (which I have never done before), he's also been getting extra love from me becasue his eyes are "sick", and I allow him to help with anything he's interested in. I think he's more upset that EVERYONE is disciplining him and most times it's about stuff I really don't care about. And too because the others seem not to love him as much as they used to.

Answer 1

It is very common for children to be jealous and mean to the newborn. He was the center of your world for 3 years and now he has to share mommy. Make sure you take time everyday to show you're love. When baby is sleeping, read him a story, do
an art project (make a Froot Loop necklace), and things that show he is the "big boy" (he can help mommy make dinner, help with the baby...getting a diaper, let him pick out baby's outfit...)

Help him to gain confidence by saying things like "You did that by yourself. Look how high you can climb! You used so may colors on your picture!" Let him know that you notice him. This is a great way to show attention and love.

Tell him that he is so lucky because he is a big brother (maybe even get him a big brother shirt). He can do so much more than a baby because he is older. If he keeps getting messages like these, he should start to feel more confident in his new world.

Answer 2

Yeah, kids do this. He just feels a little jealous. After all, he was the center of your world his whole life before the new baby came!

Get some alone time with him every day. If you're single, get some help so you can do this, or do it around the baby's nap time. Get some books to read with him, there are so many wonderful ones out there about being a big brother. Take out his baby photo album, remind him that he was a baby once too and show him how special he was. Remind him that the baby can't do things alone yet, but he can. And when he doesn't have pink eye, he might even want to be helpful. Even if it's just handing you a diaper.
Things will calm down soon enough. And then they'll fight about everything again when they both can talk. And it'll always be the other one's fault.
I have 5 children right now - I make sure that each of them know how loved they are, in any way that I can. When it's a hectic day, we do things as a group together. Concentrate on the things that make him special, things he likes. When the baby gets older, do the same.

Answer 3

Don't worry...it gets better!! Little man may be suffering from a little bit of jealousy, not to mention not feeling well! My son was almost 2 when I brought his little brother home and it was a challenge for only a week or so. The best advice I have is to make sure that you (and everyone else, and don't be afraid to speak up) are giving him lots of attention about being a new BIG brother. Make him feel special! Offer him to help with small things like getting the diaper for the baby or throwing the old one away if possible. What ever he can help with will make him feel "important." One idea that I try to do with my friends or family is whenever there is an older child is making sure that they also get some kind of a new surprise of some kind. With the new baby, and all the new stuff the baby is getting not to mention all the attention, he will feel included if he gets recognized too! Good Luck & Congrats on the newest edition!!

Answer 4

Immagine what you would feel like if one day your husband told you that he loved you so much and loved being married so much that he has decided he wants to bring home a new wife. Talk about angry and jealous. Toddlers can have a difficult time with a new baby. They don't know how to express their jealousy and hurt feelings in any other way than acting out. If you want to help him then tell those helping you out not to discipline him that is your job.
Also , when I brought our new baby home , I put the baby down when she really didn't need anything and I focused on my son. I also gave him a little present(wrapped and everything) and said it was from his new sister and another small gift and told him it was a congratulations gift for being a new big brother. I referred to the baby as "Our" new baby. I let him help care for her by getting diapers , holding the bottle , patting her back so he felt important and needed and I babied him a little for about a week. Once he felt secure in the fact he hadn't been replaced and he was loved then his behavior calmed down and everything was fine.

Answer 5

This line alone reflects how your toddler feels ... "He has pink eye so I constantly have to get onto him about being in the baby's face."

Your son has pink eye. Your son needs help getting over pink eye. It isn't all about the baby, you know. You are depriving your son of your attention and this is what he needs to feel just as loved. Sibling rivalry arises from a competition to get the parent's attention.

A great suggestion is as follows: if you have a significant other, you need to tell him/her to take your son for some activity once a week that's just the two of them. Nobody else gets to go ... it's "their thing." Again, once a week, you need to figure out some activity for just you and your son. Something that only the two of you and nobody else will do. This also means that you won't do it with other people. For instance, if you pick bowling, you can't then go bowling with your best friend or your mom. It's supposed to make it clear to your son that it's your very special thing that you don't want to do with anyone else but him.

Some great ideas for activities are: bowling, dinosaur museum, flying a kite, picnic, playing checkers, doing a puzzle together, etc. The thing is, the activity must be away from the baby and the rest of the house and family.

Secondly, what do you mean "everyone" who's been helping you has been disciplining him? Who's everyone? If you suddenly have tons of people coming and going to see the baby and "help you" then your son's life is majorly upset. Kids need stability. It's always wonderful when friends can help out and lord knows, we all need it, but you don't need to create this kind of "who's coming next? who's going to be here tomorrow?" kind of instability for this boy. If you require help, you can lean on two of your friends and the rest can take turns when your son is away for his "activities."

Additionally, if your mom is involved (or someone else who you feel you can make demands to without being rude) please ask her to bring your son a book or box of crayons every now and again.

Finally, when someone's looking after your baby, nestle your son in your lap. Play with his hair when you're talking to your friend about the million things you have to say about a new baby. Make sure you and your significant other make time for him every day.

It's hard work and it requires a lot of thought -- but I do believe that this is the definition of being a parent, anyhow. Bonne chance!

Answer 6

He's experiencing some jealousy which is normal considering he was an only child for 3 years and is used to being the center of attention. Just make sure to give your toddler some one-on-one time so he doesn't feel left out. For instance, have someone watch the baby for an hour or so and take your 3 year old to the park or out for ice cream.

Hope this helps.

Answer 7

Dear mother of these lovely kids,

I might be able to answer this question even though I aint a father yet! I understand child psychology to a good extent and whatever you mentioned is pretty normal and happens to one in 3 cases! A child (toddler in your case) is pretty possessive of his belongings; and that includes the love that he's been getting from parents, relatives and every other stranger that sqeezes his cheeks!! Since the baby arrived, ofcourse, and rightfully so, it's been getting more attention, love, affection from all those same people who love your toddler! Ofcourse, the toddler gets possessive and starts to feel insecure just like grown ups!
SOLUTION: When with the baby, make your toddler touch the baby's hands, cheeks, chin and keep telling him that the baby is his younger sibling and that they both will be playing games togehter when the baby grows to his age! Also, make the baby touch the toddler using your hands, this gives the toddler a feeling of association with the new kid!
DONT....I repeat DONT wade away your toddler if he comes near the baby or tries to be pranky. Infact, when he comes near, hug him and tell him to touch the baby on the hand or leg or the cheeks, check his responses.. you'll notice pretty interesting changes in your toddler's behaviour!

I hope this helps..if it does.. don't forget to passs on 10 points!

Answer 8

Absolutely just jealousy. Definitely need so spend time with just your 3yo son. Also, include him as much as possible with the baby. Getting diapers, wipes, etc. Let him help make meals, play games. Make it a happy thing that he is the big brother. A picture of the two of them in his room. A t-shirt and a ribbon that says he's the big brother. The boy just wants attention even negative attention. He needs to feel special still. Do not leave him alone in a room with the baby yet though. He could want to help too much, or even shows signs of anger toward the baby. Just spend time with the 3yo and he will outgrow it.

Answer 9

I was worried about that when I brought my 2nd child home. What helped us was for me to spend some one on one time with my son. I didn't have the problem of others disciplining my son though. Depending on what he is doing, I would request that they take him aside and play with him instead. He is acting out because he feels left out.

BTW, my son LOVES my daughter. I think its just the change and that the baby really is getting more attention than he is. Hope this helps.

Answer 10

He is just feeling the "bite" of not being the baby anymore. It's natural for him to be confused, curious, anxious, and down right annoyed. Did you explain to him in your pregnancy what it means to be a big brother? Did you include him in your doctors visits so he understood there will be a new baby coming? Let him help you in small ways. Have him bring you diapers and lotions. Have him help you a bathtime with the baby. This way he will feel included, and not excluded or pushed to the side.