Should I as a parent insist that my chilren go visit their grandma?

Question

I have 4 children a boy 21 and 3 girls, 16, 10, and 7. This is a very touchy subject for me. Because i love all my children and also love my mother/ their grandma with all my heart. Grandma is 53 years old. She worked hard for many years and has recently received diability for bad hips knees and arthritis. She is on lots of pain pills which i think cause her to be moody but she says its just because she doesnt feel good. One minute she is as kind as can be and the next, watch out. She might call you bad names or get in your face and wanna fight with you. She says she is sorry and this only happens because she doesnt feel good. I think maybe she has a bipolar disorder going on but she says NO! Any way the 2 oldest kids dont want to visit because of this, and the younger ones are starting to feel the same. She feels so bad beause they dont want to stop and visit. Should i tell my kids to go anyway or let them do as they feel comfortable with? I undersatnd their side as well as hers.

Answer 1

Yes they need to know other relatives, and why don't you go with them.

Answer 2

That is a very hard situation. I would make them go but make sure you go with to watch what happens. I know from experience that pain killers make you WAY crabby. I would bring the younger ones there, the older ones should understand and want to go at least the 21 year old. You have to teach them that family needs you even when you aren't yourself. If they don't learn that what are you going to do when old and need their help? I would sit and explain to both ( mom and kids) the situation. Tell your kids that even tho Grandma is mean right know she needs them, I bet they would make it better if they went a little more often, your mom is probably getting lonely being sick so much. Have you talked to your mom directly about the kids? Sounds like you have, talk to her Dr and tell him or her about the mood swings he won't be able to give you info on her unless she has said its ok but you can talk to him about her. She won't it doesn't sound like. Maybe even have a whole family discussion with her and the kids that way they could voice what they feel and so could she explain her side. Sometimes family's aren't close enough to do that but as much as you love all of them you have to make them get together and do this. Communication is key with the kids, mom, and hopefully if you can the DR. Good luck and I hope your mom is ok

Answer 3

Oh wow! I have about the same situation with my kids(15,13,& 9).The problem with my mother is she only wants to talk about her interest.When I say only her interest I really mean she has cast aside almost everything in her life.She is all into Energy healing,which by the way I totally belive in.But thats all she talks about.She even forgot my oldest daughters birthday.When we told her about it,she came up with a really lame excuse and didn't even apologize for the mistake.You can imagine how my 15 year old feels about this.My 2 oldest don't want to go over there when shes home.They are just so tired of it all.I love my mother and have tried to talk to her about all this.I don't want to cause any hurt feelings,but the way she is acting is hurting many of my family members....Anyway, I sat down with my girls and had a open discussion with them.I cannot see forcing them to go over there.It hurts them,as well as me,that things are the way they are,but when they have gone ,I've had to deal with them for the next three days or more because they just get hurt more So in the last few days we have decided that they won't be visiting for awhile.I want my children to be happy.This disrupts our lives so much.I figured the hurt is going to be there no matter what.Why make it worse by making them go.Maybe,hopefully,if they don't see her for awhile she will be ready to talk,listen and understand how this hurts us all.I want my mother back so badly.I'm glad she has other interests,I just need her to see how others are feeling.Okay...I didn't mean to make this all about me.But writing this to you has helped me a whole lot.Im so sorry for whats going on with you,but thank you so much.Has your mother talked to her doctor and told him about the side effects of her meds?Is she on an anti-deppresant?That might would help.I truley hope things get better for you!If nothing else,your question really helped me.Although the situations are a little differant,I was able to put things into a differant perspective.THANK YOU!! Best Wishes!♥

Answer 4

Nope!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Please don't make the same Mistake I did just last night. My daughter didn't really want to go to my parents house yesterday but I told her she would be fine and as it turns out she was not fine and I had to go pick her up. Your mother sounds alot like mine. But the problem is that we have allowed them to treat us rudely because they are "old and sick". Well I don't know about you but I have Fibromyalgia and feel pretty bad most of the time but If I said half the rude and inconsiderate stuff my mother has said to my daughter and me I would pray that someone would smack me back to reality! Children are a gift from God and should be treated as such!! I would(and did last night) tell my mom If she could not treat my children with respect then maybe I should keep my kids at home for a while until she can learn how to do this. Iknow that is alittle harsh but who else is going to protect you children but you. Remember you are dealing with impressionable young minds! They are watching your every move! If you let Granny run over them then they may think its okay to let everyone else do it too. As a parent you can't afford that!!!!!!!!!!! I hope I helped and will pray you make the right choice!!!!!

Answer 5

I am a grandmother myself, I turn 60 in 3 weeks, and my grandchildren live too far away to visit more than once a year... That is a heaviness in my heart...
Talk to your children, and help them to see that no matter how grouchy she feels because of pain and poor health, in the long run those visits will still remain in her heart.
Don't have long visits, maybe a "Hi grandma, we're on our way to....and just wanted to give you a hug!". It all depends how close you live to her, and how easy it is to get to and from where she lives.
Don't insist too hard or force them to visit, but try and convince them that we all get there someday, and ask them how they would feel if their kids and grandkids just "walked out on them". (and how you would feel yourself if they did it to you). At this point in their young lives that may not mean too much, but if they are smart kids, they will see what you mean and have more patience with her.

And remember we gave them our hand to help them learn how to walk on their own, and it is only fair that sometimes they do the same for us when age makes it hard for us to walk on our own...

Love and affection is not a cure for age and illness, but it is the best salve for the hurt and loneliness!
And keep trying to convince your Mom that she needs medical help, and go to the doctor with her if necessary. An adequate treatment might make her less grouchy and more like the mom that brought you up.

Answer 6

Grandparents are an important part of your childs life. They are not going to be here forever, cherish the time you have with them while they are here. I understand how you feel, my dad is the same way. We laid down some ground rules and started out the visits with short trips like a few hours. Now they are to the point where they are staying all night one weekend a month. You love your parents , but as a parents yourself you want to protect your children. It is a hard decision. Be adimint with your decisions and explain your reasoning two both parties , it makes it easier for them to understand, whether they agree with your decisions or not. Good Luck.

Answer 7

This would be a good indication of how your children will react to you and your ailments in their your old age. Unfortunately I don't think there is much you can do about it. Forcing kids to do something they don't want to will only increase there resistance... The "good" thing is that your mum probably understands (though it is difficult for her to accept it) why the kids don't want to visit. Drop the subject and make sure your mum gets all the love she needs from u! That's the best u can do; and hopefully it'll be enough! Strenght and good luck!!!

Answer 8

Well look at it this way,would you go to see someone who might snap on you at the drop of a hat or the wrong word said?

Well I know I would not and I would not subject my children to such behavior as well,for I would not make my children do something I would not do myself.

A solution to this would be to try and go see her as a family,all of you together,then if things don't work out and she does start trouble once again,just leave,and don't go back,and if you think she has a medical problem then I suggest you try to get her the help she needs.

Answer 9

Why don't you all go out for a monthly luncheon that way u will be in a public place and will be able to make an excuse to get away well at least the kids will be able to this way everyone wins

Your mum should see a Dr with you to explain whats happening

Answer 10

YES - they should visit their grandma! Some of my best memories are of my grandfather, who told me stories of my family's heritage, how my great-grandfather came as a young boy and built up a grocery store by working hard. If my children could have known him, they would have respected him as much as I did.
My grandmother is now in a nursing home, and my children love her as much as I do. She was a single mother who worked hard to take care of her children. My children visit her, to remind her that she is a very special person, and will always be loved.

Answer 11

You only have 2 choices....
One, let them make their own choice. If they are scared of her, its unfair to keep dragging them to see her.
Or two. Go with them, and leave as soon as she gets mean. Tell her she's being mean, and its time to go. Then get up and leave. Explain to your kids that the woman she is today isn't who raised you. She has problems and refuses to get help. But as your mother, you love her and want them to know her.
Either way, forcing a person sucks, regardless of age. Leave the 21 year old alone. Its your call on the younger three. But put yourself in their shoes. Is it really fair to them to force them to be around a verbally abusive woman?