Advice? I need help with my mother!?

Question

My mother & I have never gotten along. We r complete opposites. I am 20 and I'm ready 2 move out. B4 you guys start saying that I'm acting up because of my age this is a day in my life.

My mother gets mad when I go out and 12 am is too late for someone 2 come in. The other day I went to the mall and when I got home she started to beat me with a stick.

I lost my virginity at 19 with a guy I been with for 2 years and not only did she break that relationship up, she consistently calls me a ****.

My mother has figured out my passwords, read my emails, gone through my stuff, rippped up my clothes that she didn't approve.

we have 2 go 2 church at the church that she attends and there is no such thing as freedom of religion.

My father (the sane one) let me have his car, while he's gone (travels alot) and my mother has stolen the car keys.

I try to please my mother but nothing works, she has said she will disown me if I move out. I want 2 go but I don't want her 2 hate me.

My father who I am close to believes that I should stick it out, but he doesn't get it. I don't want to hurt him either, what do I do?

Answer 1

It sounds like you have to make a choice: Are you going to be yourself for the rest of your life, or will your identity be founded on your relationship with your mother?

If you choose the first one, move out ASAP and get some help to deal with the craziness you'll discover hasn't disappeared as quickly as your mother.

If you choose the second, accept that your life will remain basically the same for the rest of your life.

Answer 2

You are 20 yrs old, if your mother is treating you like this, and I will assume that this is how she has treated you pretty much since day one, she will keep on doing so unless you put a stop to it. so it is up to you. If you wish to find a fair measure of happiness, you will have to come to terms with your mom, and state it flat out you are going to live your life your way, so she can either change her ways and continue to have a relationship with her daughter, or she will no longer have a relationship with her daughter. She is counting on you not wanting to risk being disowned, so she will have her own personal whipping post. My guess is, that something happened to her when she was young, and for whatever reason she is coming down on you because of it, maybe she thinks she is preventing something similar happening to you, or she is venting her rage and frustration at that event and her inability to prevent it from happening to her, or to fix whatever it was that did happen? Then again that could be the wrong reasons altogether, your best bet, would be to first get the two of you into see a counselor of some sort, and if not, try at least, to get her to go, and if that does not work, you go, for that, at least, will give you a professionals opinion, and not an armchair Dear Abby, such as myself. Whatever happens, I wish you good luck, and I hope the two of you can find a course that will let you remain friends at least, if not mother and daughter. Just remember to have faith in yourself and your resolve.

Answer 3

LOL same situation here bro. Just got out of the military and moved back in with the folks. Heres the skinny. To fix this you would probably need a lot of family counseling. Your only other choice it to move out. Dont react to all of her statements cus the fact is you'll move out, she will be pissed and prolly not talk for a couple months, then you all will get along better than ever before.

Answer 4

Sounds like she doesn't like you at all to beat you with a stick. Move out if your able and maybe she will respect you more when she has no control on how you live your life. I'm a mother of four kids, my oldest is 32. I would never ever dream of treating any of my kids like your mother treats you. Move out. Become your own person, and don't worry about if she hates you or not. Love yourself, take care of you, and if your mother really loves you she will come around to meet your terms with YOUR LIFE!

Answer 5

You know what u are not a child anymore. I know u love ur mom and all but u are grown and she is crazy to treat u the way that she does. Get the hell out of there. if she does disown u then oh well she will get over sooner ans=d later. She will miss u to the point that maybe u guys will become really close one day.

Answer 6

your mother sounds like shes "a few fries short of a happy meal" if I were you I would stop letting her live your life for you.. your 20!! you can do whatever you want! I moved out when I was 17 because I didnt really get along with my mom and dad either and I am very happy now! me and my parents have a great relationship now too.. I think its time for youto grow up....

Answer 7

I think you need to get out of the house if your mother hits you with a stick
When I was 16, my mother hit me with a wrench, I walked out and did not tell her where I was.
Thank god, a day later when I went to my grandmother's house, she let me stay for almost a year.
I think it might give the relationship to heal if you stepped out for a little while. Don't close the door on the relationship when you leave.

Answer 8

Your 20 years old. I'm 23 and if my mother treated me like that I'd call the cops. You ran adult. Leave. Your mother is bad. Pure and simple. She's crazy. Move out and don't leave a forwarding address.

Answer 9

If you dont move out your hurting yourself, your mother, and your father by putting him in the middle of it, maybe moving out will allow your mother to see that your a big girl and able to do things on your own. Yea move on out, then try to talk things out later with the mother

Answer 10

Your father is in DENIAL!!!
Your MOTHER needs Psychiatric help.
YOU need to either MOVE OUT and move out now or file a Police report on your mother! Tough Love here!