Getting married in a month, found out she cheated, she's crying and begging for forgiveness, HELP ME ANYONE~!

Question

Been with her for 6 yrs and we were suppose to get married in less than a month, we are apart right now in different states since I am going to school and will be done soon, she states she just kissed, give love bites and felt each other but nothing else, She is very stressed at her job and it's hard being alone without me and was weak and states she made the biggest mistake and is begging for forgiveness and does not want me to leave, She ended that fling and is flying here to see me today even though I told her I may not want to be with her anymore, but she is still coming, I am so hurt, I couldn't believe she had done this to me, I never felt pain like this in my life... I really don't know what to do, should I give forgive her? she said she'd do anything but I am to hurt... Please help, I am so confused, what should I say when she gets here? How should I handle this? Is there hope or move on (like "along came Polly"?) Please advise....

Answer 1

First of all ask the age old question,what if the shoe was on the other foot.If you both are making wedding plans,then you are very serious about your relationship.Look,everything takes work,so,she made a mistake,the most important question is do you love her?.And i suspect that you do.When she get's there,sit down fix some dinner,a little wine if you drink,if not,then whatever you have.You've been together for 6yrs,think about what you are doing before you throw it all away because of a stupid mistake.I'm sure you've done something you wasn't proud of.Both of you get together,hold each other's hand,pray with one another,and be sincere when you do it.Ask God for directions in your soon to be marriage,and in your heart.I know that you are hurt right now,but staying angry will not solve a thing.Sit down talk it out.It's not going to be solved in a day,a month or even a year.Trust has been broke,but with time everything can be mended.Don't throw 6yrs away.It seems as though you have a good relationship,work on it,stick it out.Remember,put God as your main focus,because if you don't you won't ever get anything settled.I'm praying for you both.

Answer 2

Sorry..I'm not a young thing and I know that love does not conquer all. You have valid reasons to be distrusting and whether or not you want to give her a second chance is a decision only you can make.

What to do? Take a big step backwards. At a minimum, call off the wedding.

You two have been living in different states and at this age, people change very quickly. You two should live in the same city and date for a while to see if you are still compatible and if you can regain your trust for her.

The fear of being alone can send one into a panic at the thought of losing someone (her flight is certainly making her panic obvious).

You can also say "no" if that's what you choose.

I think that calling off the wedding is a must. One month from now is just too soon, and the pressure will step up for you to go through with it. Speaking from experience, NOT cancelling a wedding you have doubts about just because it is happening and you don't want to disappoint people is a very bad idea.

It is important that when you get married, all is right and you are sure about your decision.

As to breaking up with her altogether, you alone will have to decide, but perhaps you should take a break to think about it. A break means a break. NO talking about it, no seeing her and definitely no sex until you've had some time to clear your head. Odds are this will take a few weeks or months at a minimum.

She will be freaked out at the thought and will do what she can to talk you out of it, for fear of losing you. You will need to stand firm and tell her that time completely apart is the only way you can BOTH be sure one way or the other. And if you decide to try again, it can't be at the point of a wedding. You will need to take that step back and date for a while to be sure.

Answer 3

Balance, every thing in balance. You have a right to be hurt. You have asked for a suggestion and this is mine.

Postpone the wedding. If you really want to see where this could go with her, see a counselor together. Get into marriage counseling. Pray together and apart. Communication is the key but be sure to give your selves time to heal. Trust has been broken, and IF there is hope there needs to be a rebuilding of trust.

But here is a question I have for you, and you don't have to answer. Did the two of you have sex before you are married? This sets a foundation of disrespect and distrust between a man and a woman. You both may love each other very much but it does tear down a relationship. Now there is a trust gap. And it is showing up here.

She failed. Have you ever failed? So maybe not in this way, but all failure is failure and causes death in relationships. And All failure must be dealt with in a similar fashion if there is to be restoration.

What ever the case for your own sanity you will need to forgive her. However if you intend to try and restore what has been broken then the process of restoration begins. The strongest things to restoration is praying together and being brutally honest with each other. If you're interested in this process let me know and I will look up some stuff for you to get you on the right track.

Answer 4

Hi Sean, I can understand your situation but you too need to understand one thing i.e., we all are humans and we do end up making mistakes . Its not a big deal . What matters is how we react to it ? Do we owe it & also take the responsibility of correcting it? I am not trying to justify her behaviour. Its for you to decide . If you can really forgive her and will not have any doubts please do so . But if this thing is going to haunt you whenever you will see her then you know what to do ?
Once a mistake is done doesnt mean that it will be repeated . Maybe she has learnt from this . Maybe she was actually under stress & got carried away. If you believe that she really loves you, be emotionally available to her now & she will be there for you forever .
What would you have done if this would have happened after marriage ? Do you really think all married couples are always committed ? If something goes wrong ,we try to fix it first and not junk it . Its mind that matters more and not the body . When mind pictures something its not supposed to ,we try to concentrate on something better . Your girl did that. Its your turn now .
Listen to your heart & follow your mind . Do what will make you happy eventually .

Answer 5

Here is the big question: How did you originally find out that she cheated on you? Did she make one stupid mistake in her life, feel terrible, eaten alive with guilt and SHE called or told you in person(before you heard from anyone else. Or did you hear rumors about the cheating and confront her and she fessed up. BIG DIFFERENCE

If she made one msitake given the circumstances, don't let your hurt and and other emotions ruin your chance at a lifetime of true love. She is the woman for you. In fact,as hard as this may be to believe right now (and ifi and only if she told you the truth w/o any other motivation than guilt and wanting to be honest with you) THIS MAY HAVE BEEN THE BEST THING THAT COULD HAVE EVER HAPPENED TO THE TWO OF YOU. she is so guilt ridden and knows what damage cheating will do to a relationship/marriage. if she is in this much agony after telling you IDOUBT SHE WILL EVER EVER JEOPORDIZE THE SANCTITY OF YOUR MARRIAGE VOWS. SHE LEAREND A VALABLE LESSON.

now this is a different story if this fondling etc. occured in front of several mtual freinds and it was bound to get back to you anyway, so she came clean b4 you had chance to hear from others.

Ultiamtely you have to be able to truly forgive, we may never forget. But if you do forgive and agre to marry then you have to be wiiling to move past this, you cannot bring it upevery time you argue, if you are going to go crazy with jealousy every tiem she speaks to another man or if you will never trust her, then do not get marrried, only get married if you are willling to forive, put it past you and move on, don't dwell in the past, live in the present and for the future

Answer 6

You have a month before the wedding. See how things go over the next few days or first couple of weeks and if you are still not sure, postpone the wedding for a couple of months and see how you feel then. The worst thing is that you will keep recalling it but if you do get married, forgive and move on. Just be happy. If you really love each other, you will overcome this trial.

Answer 7

I wouldn't forgive her...there is NEVER an excuse to cheat. I don;t care if she was stressed and far away from you. What if further down the road you need to go away on business or something...then what? or what if she is stressed in the future with kids or something...then what? if she cant handle stress then get help, dont cheat. and if she cheated then how can you trust when she says she wont do it again or that she didnt actually have sex? i could never cheat on my husband.

OMG...I just read some of these answers and they are PATHETIC! cut her some slack my a$$! I would like to see what some of these girls would say if it was there man cheating on them! Stress is no excuse to cheat...humans making mistakes is no excuse to cheat...and as for the person who said about loyalty in marriage...YES...people should always be loyal in marriage or else leave. If you feel the need to be with someone else then do sho, but leave the person you are with because you obviously dont need them. I agree with the person who said marriage is 3 times the work as bf/gf. ive been married just over a year now. i just turned 21 and my husband is 23. we find it tough all the time, but together we work through everything. can she really be there to work though things with you? I dont think so becuase she cant even work through this distance with you. and to see a marriage counsellor before marriage tells you something...you are ready to marry eachother.

Answer 8

cheating especially during a period so close to a wedding date is about the worst she could have done to you...there is nothing she can do that will hurt more than what you feel now..if you do take her back, psychologically, she will know that she can fail and make mistakes and you will still take her back.

I married my girlfriend of 6 years just 3 weeks ago. Already i am discovering how special marriage is and couldn't be happier, but at the sametime i realize that its nothing like the movies, but takes a lot more work..in fact twice..3 times more the work than a normal boyfriend/girl friend relationship. With that in mind, can you really you see her by your side no matter the situation/problem's in your lives? if not, its best to move on.

Answer 9

Before you are married, you should be madly in love and excited about one another and devoted to one another and hot for one another only. If those things don't exist before the wedding, they will not come into being after you are married and have the stress and responsibility of being a family. I know you want me to say love conquers all, but it does not. Break up with her. Go your separate ways. Maybe, faced with life without you, she will mend her ways and live like a nun until you take her back. Or, more likely, she will hook up with someone else. Either way, you will have avoided making a committment your fiance does not seem prepared for. It may feel embarrassing to stop the wedding so close to the date, but, as a parent, I can assure you that I would 1000 times rather my daughter (or son!) changed her mind in the aisle of the church and wasted all that money than waste one minute married to the wrong person. And your girlfriend sounds like the wrong person for you.

Answer 10

If it was the first time in six years that she cheated than forgive her. It was a like she said a mistake. So close to the wedding and stressed at work she probably got scared and needed to make sure that getting married was what she wanted. I hope things work out for you. Keep in mind thought that you should only forgive her if you can really forget.