What do you think about a woman who just gives up on a marriage when the going gets tough to appease own self.

Question

I havent always been the greatest husband in the world and after 17 yrs of marriage my wife got involved somehow with someone at work and thru me out of the picture all together. We are Christians and I can see in her face today that she knows deep pown that she is out of the will of God but continues to be deceived. I did not cheat on her. i just wasnt always there when I should have been. I love her very much and she wont even call me or comunicate with me. I have 2 kids with her whom I take to church every wednesday and sunday. She has stopped going to church all together and doesnt pray or read with the kids anymore. I am not giving up on her like she has givin up on me. I dont care if I have to fast and pray for 40 days in a row. i believe God can save her soul and deliver her from this garden of eden experience of being deceived that she is going thru. Any comments or advice for me? Thanks....Chris from Texas....or call 210-724-9853 with any council or prayer.

Answer 1

All right, I must admit you have made your point very clear!
Likewise your wording is quite sound.
Perhaps we must give it a second thought and
Elaborate the other way around as well
Really do you want to get it right?

Answer 2

I have seen so much divorce and I have felt a lot of the pain.
I see why you are upset and I think it is great you are handling it with patience and prayer. Since there were no horrible events leading up to her leaving, I think that there is a great chance for reconciliation and I think that it is the best thing for not only the kids, but for the family as a whole. If she does come back (And she might.....I have seen it happen after a year up to 4 years) make sure that you show her just how much you do love her and that you treat her the way she feels she needs to be treated emotionally. Sometimes men do not understand what women think they are missing, because they think different.
In the meantime................for some reason...........trying to contact her constantly or be right there every time she turns a corner during breakup, seems to make things worse. Let her know how you feel and that you are waiting and then give it to God. ~ I think after that many years and having had two children you certainly are normal to want to wait. It is worth it either way. You would not be ready to move on partner wise right now anyway. Keep busy.
I think your wife is confused and trying to find her own identity. And I think she will. Maybe she got overwhelmed and felt under appreciated for whatever reason. May God Bless you all and I hope it all works out. I think it may take time, but believe me.....she cannot erase that many years from her memory that easily without looking back either. Eventually she will be thinking that way too. Give her space.
If she comes back that means that the other man was a mistake that she felt she made for whatever reason. If she is sorry in the end for that, you will have to accept it as that.

Answer 3

Keep praying for her, for your kids and for yourself. Don't put limits on God or try to set a timetable for Him (40 days, although don't fast longer than that, it will kill you probably) Why did it take her leaving for you to wake up and realize that you aren't the greatest husband ever? I'm sorry but as a woman there was something missing that doesn't make it your "fault" and it CERTAINLY doesn't make her right because that isn't the way to handle it if you're not feeling content, but there is no growth without pain. Let God work on you now at this time, pray for her but let Him help you change yourself. If it His will for you to be back together then so it will be, I believe marriage is for life and maybe that's how it will go for you, but if not then commit yourself to becoming a better person and Christian, live for God and let Him show you what comes next, either as a single person or be better for a different woman in the future if that is to be. This is probably not the most popular answer or what you wanted to hear but I hope you will gain something from reading it anyway. God bless you, I pray it will all work out for you Chris and for your family, too. How old are your kids?

Answer 4

I don't believe you love her. I don't even believe you even know who she is. I was raised in a southern Christian Church and I'll tell you one thing. I swore I would never marry a 'good church going man'. Women were meant to be helpmetes not slaves, equal partners, not subserviant appendages. All this pius talk about her soul is nothing but a smoke screen. You are looking for absolution for your own transgressions against her and your family and using the people here to do it.

Shame on you. Your wife was a person in her own right and as her husband you had a responsibility to tend to her needs, not just treat her like some appendage to your own life.

Look at how Christ treated his Bride, the Church. He constantly looked out for what was best for the Church, protecting the church, driving out the money changers. He encouraged the Church in every good thing. Even going so far as to lay down his life for her sins (as well as the sins of all who look to him).

Expecting your wife to become a non-entity, who only existed to follow your commands, keep your house, raise your children with no support from you was wrong.

LET HER GO. Doesn't the poor woman deserve someone who will treat her the way she deserves to be treated?

Pray for your own transgressions, learn from this. Stop hounding her.

Answer 5

Ashamed to say, I too threw away a family (husband, 11yr. old son, and a 2 yr. old baby) for personal pleasure, (drugs, partying, other men, etc) At the time, I wasn't a Christian, and the going wasn't tough because my husband had a very good job on the railroad. I broke his heart, and hurt my children. Of course, the life I chose eventually caused me to hit rock bottom, and in a life threatening situation, I turned to Jesus, who saved me and put me on the right path. By the time I realized what I had lost, it was too late. My hubby married someone else (who turned out even worse than me...lasted less than a year.) I remarried someone else on the rebound, but still loved him. I comtemplated leaving this husband, to try to get back my family, but then he (my children's father) died.

The point is: The grass is NOT greener on the other side, and I believe your wife will realize that,...especially since she started out as a Christian. I believe that God will continue to gently admonish her and put a conviction on her heart. You've received promises from Him as a Christian, and He won't let you down, and I believe He doesn't want to lose her either. Just keep praying and He WILL deliver. Important that you forgive her though, and don't throw it in her face, ever. God Bless You Chris. I will certainly pray for you and her.

Answer 6

I am sorry. Nothing I can say or do but pray for you. The bible is clear God hates divorce. Not because it's "against the law." but because of the pain it causes the children he loves. However, I know this is painful to think about right now, but should it come to this Jesus does make allowance when marital unfaithfulness has happened. So if your wife has cheated then you are released, not from loving her and your children, but from the "legal" obligation to try to continue. However Jesus heart is that there could always be a chance for reconciliation.

Answer 7

From a man's perspective, I would find such a woman thoughtful, honest and gracious for two (2) reasons. First, she's corrected what she perceived to be a poor match; and, secondly she provided you with an opportunity to move on with your life and grow with your children before it became worse. I found it curious that you would want God to save her soul instead of bringing her back to you and your children. Your energy needs to be directed toward being the best father you can possibly be for your children and should include professional help for grieving her loss, healing and becoming an inspiration to them. As you can see, your desperation is not working for you. Finally, plan on 40 ways to nourish your kids and never say anything negative about their mother. Positive thoughts and actions will help answer your prayers but only you can make it work. Good luck.

Answer 8

Hey Chris, wow, that is very sad to hear. My advice is to talk to her, and confront her with what she has done. Pray with the elders in your church that the Holy spirit would convict her heart, and that she would repent. The thing is though, that she may realize that she has sinned, but as you said, she is deceived. Her own selfish desires may consume her and blind her from the truth, and if this is the case, then show her God's love and your own. God may bring her back, and he may not. I pray he does, because it's very hard to raise kids on your own. I will be praying for you, that everything works out well. Good luck

Answer 9

You said it yourself, you weren't there when you should have been and you haven't been the greatest husband. How many years has this been going on before she cheated on you? Communication between the two of you broke down many years ago before this occurred.

It's was not a wise choice for her to cheat. She should have told you straight out what she needed from you instead of cheating. My guess is that you weren't giving her what she felt she needed from you, so she took the easy way out.

Fasting and praying won't get her back or change the situation. You can't change the past. She has to deal with her sins, and you have to deal with yours. Ask God for forgiveness of your sins and don't focus on what you think are hers. She has to deal with those herself. This can be a learning experience for you, to learn what you did wrong in the situation and to be a better husband to someone else if you get married again in the future.

Answer 10

What do YOU think about the kind of husband who, when he runs into trouble in his marriage, asks for help from complete strangers on the internet and EVEN posts his telephone number!
Prayer and fasting aren't going to help my poor friend, what you need is some common sense, and to realize you need to THINK before you do things. Think about the consequences logically. If I was a mean person, I'd post your name & address, but I'm not and I won't. Just so you understand I'm trying to help, not hurt, I will reveal that you posted a T-mobile number in San Antonio.

If it is your routine habit to take actions without considering consequences, perhaps that explains why your wife is unhappy. Put a little less faith in God and take a little more responsibility for your personal actions!

As Bruce Williams might say, I do wish you well...

Answer 11

Chis, you are right to pray for her. I was divorced over nine years ago and My ex chose the wrong paths on a daily basis. i got him going to church but he just used it as way to impress the good people and not to find the word of God and apply it. he lied, he stole he cheated and for seven years I fasted, prayed and all but begged God to help him. One day I had a dream that while i was argueing with him Angels and demons fought around him and I and as I use Gods word the angel grew stonger and when he would curse at me and yell his demons grew stonger. back and forth. One day we were really fussing and I told him about the dream. His answer. Well now don't you feel better just knowing that. i said are you going to turn your life over to God for our families sake he said No. So I read the bible and found the passage "Love is patient... Love kind, Love is not boasting.. Love never fails.." Man can not serve two masters..... good and evil cannot reside under the same roof." I think the lord expects to do all we can and in the end if we can't win them over to the lords side then it will be their judgement from God. I found peace and I have my children and he is gone. After my divorce I found a true christian man who cares for my children and adopted them and trys to teach them the gospel. My ex chose his path and I did all I could to save him. I thinks that is all heavenly father expects from you. Once you have exausted all your efforts. let her go, move on and teach your children to be better. Good luck and God Bless.