Over Possessive?

Question

I will admit that I am very over-possesive when it comes to my girlfriend. When she goes out, I have to know who she's going with, what exactly she is doing, if any boys are coming along, etc...

I know I shouldn't be so worried, but my worst fear is losing her to someone else. She keeps assuring me that she isn't like that, but no matter what she tells me, I can't believe her, even though she has never lied to me.

I always knew of this problem but never really thought much of it until she finally left me. I asked her why she left me and she said she wanted her own space and that I tie her down.

I love her with all of my heart and I keep trying to get her back, or at least asking her to give me a second chance when she has decided what she wants. She gives me a maybe and I can't live with that. I get that "if I can't have her, no one can", which leads straight back to being over possessive.

Should I consider some sort of counseling to get over my fears of being cheated on?

Answer 1

well, that is a problem I can very well relate to.. I have this boyfriend who is as over possessive as you.. he would even go to the extent of knowing what clothes I wear on a daily basis.. who I talk to at work.. and crazy things like that..he more than once threatened to kill me with his bare hands just because I sometimes failed to answer his calls, he loves me I know and I love him as much, but really.. this is a problem we have between us.. well, am lucky he's so far away and could not get his hands on me, otherwise, am sure I'd be dead by now.. hi hi hi

Answer 2

Possessive Meaning

Answer 3

Yes U will lose her if u don't stop being this way. U need help because for u to be this over possessive means something is going on with you from within. Did u not get the attention u needed or wanted growing up& did someone close like ur mom or dad leave when u were a child or is it that u just think this is the way guy should be when it comes to they're g/f?


U should get help because u could also become violate

If u don't want to have women to keep leaving u because of u being this way, then u should correct your ways.

Answer 4

Check this out... Things like this usually have nothing to do with your fears of being cheated on. It sounds like insecurity. Granted it's easy to get paranoid when your heart is deeply invovled, love requires faith and trust. What are you lying to yourself about? Would you want to be with you if you were a girl (stated awkwardly)? Sounds like you have no confidence in yourself because you have no reason to distrust her. You might want to consider stopping trying to get back with her, it won't happen and if it does it will be for the wrong reasons. We girls can sense insecurity. We might use it for some time to boost our own confidence or dwell together, but a confident woman or girl does not want to be with an insecure man. Your paranoia shows mistrust, and if its not that... what is it? Most likely you gotta like yourself before anyone will seriously like you. I don't think your problem is about being cheated on, or her. Counseling may not be necessary, but will not hurt. Bottom line- YOU! Get happy! Be somebody! Let go! There is an end buddy, though it may feel like it never ends... hope i could be of help. Chances are you already know all of this, don't you? In your heart it is there, you just got to accept it now.

Answer 5

I wouldn't necesarrily say go for counseling, but being over possesive is not the best quality, as you understand. I have seen a good number of relations come to a horrible end from this, and believe me, if she really loves you, it hurts her more than you.

I can see that you want to change that over-possesive part of you, but are having problems doing it yourself. What might be a good idea is talking to her, asking her back again, but saying that you know that you can be over possesive, and you want her to help you get over that, that you need her help in it.

Now, as far as how, there are SO many ways for you to get over it, and many ways she could help. One is to bring those people over to you/you meet them somewhere, get to know them a little and then have her leave. That way you know who they are. How about YOU go out with a bunch of friends, heavy on girls, and think about her feeling the same way as you (kind of a reverse psychology). Or go out with them as an individual in a group, not a couple, dissasosiate your relationship with the outing. Ask her to call you once or twice, every couple of hours or so, just to say "hey", but DO NOT call her for no reason (and don't make one up, she'll know). Go with things like that, it'll work

I really hope this helps in some way.

Answer 6

I was exactly the same for years, my wife hated my overtly possesive nature, but i loved her so so much. I feared loosing her, she was too beautiful and men looked at her all the time, they all wanted her. After a long time together and because i wanted to be her perfect man, i gave her what she wanted and crushed my own insecure feelings. Within a month she had two lovers andwithin a year, she left me. She wanted me back once all the men had used and abused her and then left her, but i had moved on and found a new love. Ironicaly, the tables are now turned, i am not at all possesive, but my new love treats me like her prisoner, she is far more possesive and jealous than i ever was, and you know what? i love it, i know that my own possesivness was a product of love and i know that my new girl loves me more than life. understand your insecurity. Tony in love.

Answer 7

RE:
Over Possessive?
I will admit that I am very over-possesive when it comes to my girlfriend. When she goes out, I have to know who she's going with, what exactly she is doing, if any boys are coming along, etc...

I know I shouldn't be so worried, but my worst fear is losing her to someone else. She keeps...

Answer 8

I think you need some self medication as in you need to get over this yourself. This is a good time to learn from your mistakes. You have to tell yourself that if you keep this up, you're going to end up alone. This nasty habit caused a nice girl to break up with you so you need to fix the habit before you can get with anyone else.

Answer 9

Yes , you should. Obviously it is something that is keeping you from living a normal life. If you dont help yourself you will probably end up being a very lonely person. There is nothing wrong with getting therapy. I would respect a person who admits his faults and takes the first step , than one who denies and trips over and over.

Answer 10

i don't think you necessarily need counseling but i think you need to work on your self esteem. i also think you need to just leave her alone, as hard as that may be for you. your insecurity and possessiveness is what pushed her away. i too was in that type of situation, my ex-fiance was insecure and possessive and he would threaten me that if i even looked in the same direction as another guy he would kill the guy. i had to leave him because of it. i figured one day he may follow through on one of his threats so i ended it. work on your insecurities and give her space and maybe things will work out.