Any good Jokes?

Question

I need some jokes to cheer me up

Answer 1

go to jokes.com
they have some pretty good ones!

I like this one:

So there is a University of South Carolina Football Player, a Clemson University Football Player, and a Florida State Football player in a car. Now Who is driving?
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The Cop!!! :)

Answer 2

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

Answer 3

Your so fat you squeezed air

Your so fat your belly button has an echo.

Your so fat when you stood in front of the TV, I missed 3 episodes of EXTRA.

They might be lame but I hope you at least laughed. Cheer up dear.

Answer 4

Two Old Ladies walking down the street,
one says mildred I smell hair burning,and
Mildred replies, Maybe we're walking too fast.

Answer 5

Yo Mama's So Fat... Noah's Ark

Yo mama's so fat, when she tried boarding Noah's Ark, Noah yelled out the window, ''We only need one of those!'

the joke off of the show called yo mama.

Answer 6

A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband is at
work.

Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the
bedroom closet to watch.

The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the
closet,not
realizing that the little boy is in there already.

The little boy says, "Dark in here."

The man says, "Yes, it is."

Boy - "I have a baseball."

Man - "That's nice."

Boy - "Want to buy it?"

Man - "No, thanks"

Boy - "My dad's outside."

Man - "OK, how much?"

Boy - "$250"

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and
the lover are in the closet together.

Boy - "Dark in here."

Man - "Yes, it is."

Boy - "I have a baseball glove."

The lover remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"

Boy - "$750"

Man - "Fine."

A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove, let's
go outside and have a game of catch."

The boy says, "I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove."

The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"

Boy - "$1,000"

The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like

that.... that is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to
take you to church and make you confess."

They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the

confession booth and he closes the door.

The boy says, "Dark in here."

The priest says, "Don't start that sh*t again."

Answer 7

on Friday (when priests are not allowed to eat meat)
a priest went to the fish market and asked "what kind of fish do you have today?" the salesman said "dam fish" the priest said "how dare you speak like that in front of me i am a man of the lord!" the sales man says "no no they catch it in the dam, that's why they call it dam fish" so the priest buys some and goes home to his family and says to his wife "honey i got some dam fish" she says "how dare you speak like that we are a family of the lord" he says "no no they catch it in the dam, that's why they call it dam fish" so at diner he says to his wife could you pass the dam fish and his son says " right on pop pass the f***ing potatoes

Answer 8

Why is it dangerous to go into the jungle after dark?






Because elephants jump out of trees!








Why are alligators flat?








Because they went into the jungle after dark!!!

Answer 9

I posted the same question earlier today... come in and see some good ones people posted for me!!! :D Enjoy!

Answer 10

Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A: A blonde parade.