This woman is always trying to cause my husband and I problems.My Husband left for Iraq a couple of weeks ago and it has been hell since. She is always trying to bring worry on him and I always try to prevent it because he doesn't need worry on him right now. But today she did it. She had a problem with her insurance agency and came to my home complaining. There's nothing I or my husband can do. She starts griping and griping and she would'nt shut up. So she finally just said that she was going to talk to my Husband about it(who is in NJ on his way to Iraq)and I told her that I didn't want him bothered with it. So she said that she was his mother and she'll do it anyway she wants to. So of course I said I was his wife and she has no business bothering him with it. Am I wrong or is that ***** crazy? I foreworned him of what she was about to do. Of course she did it!She went ahead and told him but it was a totally different story. He does'nt believe her but still she did it.Will it stop?
2006-06-24 12:46:21 · 8 answers · asked by marianne 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Have your husband phone his mother and explain that he has enough worries and problems of his own going off to war and doesn't need to worry about her. Get him to put his foot down, firmly. Also, have him inform her that you have your own problems and do not need to have her bitching.
2006-06-24 12:52:35 · answer #1 · answered by older woman 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie, don't put your husband between you and his mother. He is not going to be able to handle the pulling between the two of you. I take it his father is either passed away or she is divorced. In single parent households it is not unusual for the son to become the man of the house, even if they are too young for that position.
To her you are seen as an interloper who stole some of her stability. To you she is a clingy mother. What would be best for your husband would be if you made an effort to become her friend... and while he is over seas would be an excellent time to do it. She can be a great help to you or she can be the biggest thorn in your side for the rest of your married life. It is up to you.
Get her talking about your husband and the things she remembers that he did as a child. Tell her you want to learn to make a favorite dish of his that "only momma makes that way". Look at her life with as unbiased an eye as you can manage. If you had been through the life she had, how do you suppose it would have effected you? Sometimes viewing things from the other camps perspective gives you a whole new arsenal to utilize.
Remember, you both love him. Try to find a common ground and start pulling together. I have seen so many marriages or families torn apart because the wife and the mother-in-law thought they were in a battle for the son/husbands loyalty and attention. Don't let your relationship suffer this kind of stress. You are the woman. Be the peace maker.
Two things I learned in dealing with these types of issues is, "you catch more flies with honey", "it is hard to be nasty to a person who is determined to be nice back", and "don't badmouth your mother in law to your husband.... he will be forced to defend her, even if he doesn't agree with her". Let him have to defend you to her. This is also true in divorce situatioins. Never bad mouth the other parent to the children. It puts serious stress on the children and they feel forced to defend the absent parent... and will actually prefer the parent who does not bad mouth because they don't always feel pulled to pieces. It works the same way with a warring wife and mother. The man is put in a constantly uncomfortable place, and soon is avoiding both of you.
Think about it. Be the better person. You may be suprised at how your relationship with her will totally change.
2006-06-24 13:25:27 · answer #2 · answered by diane_b_33594 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No -- it will not stop for a very long time. I though I had the m-i-l from hell but speaking with all my friends we all deal with the same stuff.
I guess it is a personal competition between Mother and daughters in laws. Most of the time the D-I-L try to please and and get their husband's mother's approval but I guess it is the M-I-L that just are extremely bitchy.
Let go by the side ways. Life is too short to worry over that crap. Let her fret all she wants and pay no mind to her.
You have the right idea by not wanting to over-burden your husband with more than what he already has.
~Good luck
2006-06-24 13:00:26 · answer #3 · answered by olivia6799 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, I am blessed with a pain in the a**, selfish mother-in-law too. I used to care what she thought, and about the drastic things she was going to do, but I gave up. I can't be bothered even talking to her anymore, cuz all she does is complain. I know this sounds bad, but your husband needs to start fighting his own battles and telling his mom enough is enough. If he doesn't want to talk to her then he shouldn't answer the phone. Even though your intentions are good, she sees it as she is his mother and she knows what's best. If he does what she asks after you told her no, then she has won and he let her.
2006-06-24 13:03:03 · answer #4 · answered by MysticHerring 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my family went through a similar situation when my brother went to iraq. his wife felt that all communication with him should be monitored by her. although we did not ever tell him ANYTHING that would have upset him, she felt as if she had the right to tell us what we could and couldn't say to him, which caused a spat with my whole family, because we were his family long before her, and we loved him just as much as she did. of course, just like you, when the arguing started, SHE was the one who told my brother all about it and got him all stressed out, not us.
so, yes, it's a little ridiculous that your mother-in-law would bother your husband with something like insurance in a time like that, but i don't think that justifies you calling her an 'evil woman'. she is your husband's mother and deserves to be respected. for one thing, if you told me 'i don't want him bothered with it,' i'd also tell you to kiss my a.s.s., because being his wife doesn't give you reign over his life, he doesn't need you to control his family relations, and having a wife doesn't mean that the rest of his family is not still as important as it always was. and just like the illustration i used with my brother and sister-in-law, if you really don't want your husband bothered with things like this, why did you tell him?? and have you considered that his mom probably felt she had to justify herself after you took it upon yourself to tell him the whole story!
it is really hard when a loved is deployed, no matter his/her relationship to you, and emotions tend to run high. maybe if you could try to think of it in terms of 'what if this were my son?' and let up on the dictator routine since your husand is a grown man, and ask your husband's mom try to see things a little more from your view-point you could all keep peaceful relations.
2006-06-24 13:14:21 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
he's an enabler. through staying such as his sorry butt, you're too. He has to go back to a decision on. i'd ask him to bypass to a wedding ceremony counselor. If he refuses, or refuse to take heed to the counselor, then divorce him. in the intervening time, you need to assemble as a lot info adverse to him and his relations. In court docket, it really is not any longer what you realize, yet what you could instruct. Did you document a police document once you've been assaulted? in case you probably did, then perfect. save copies of texts, notes, voice mails, etc, something. in case you percentage a joint bank account, then save the statements that exhibits he's paying her expenditures and by no skill yours. once the decide places baby help on his butt, he gained't have the money to pay her expenditures. HA! HA! Then the harassment receives a lot worse. get waiting to save a log. carry your head up intense. the in uncomplicated phrases reason to be ashamed is that if what they say is real. If no individual else will take her in, then trust me, they don't trust what she says. in the experience that they furnish you with body of innovations, then provide it properly decrease back. Your husband would have fathered the youngsters yet he's not being a real farther. he's not a good husband both. All of you'd be more advantageous off in the experience that they stayed out of your existence. if you're no longer getting info of what you're saying, his relations might want to target to sue for visitation. in case you could instruct they're a adverse impact on the youngsters/you, a decide will be a lot less in all probability to provide any visitation at their position or in the experience that they are contemporary. you would have the decide exclude them from seeing the youngsters. you want an outstanding divorce lawyer. Time to coach your self. in the experience that they call and threaten you, document a police document. verify your state regulations on recording telephone conversations, or commonplace in individual conversations. Do something you could to instruct what you're saying and to guard the youngsters. that's your pastime as a determine.
2016-11-15 05:24:05 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sadly it will not stop and no you are not wrong for doing what you did. You did what was best for you husband, and apparently she didnt respect that. If she cant respect you when he is gone, you should tell her that she should come back to the house until you husband comes back home.
2006-06-24 12:52:24 · answer #7 · answered by baby_luv 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Move to another town cut some ties with her, change your telephone # get a cell phone in order for her to contact you guys, and stop listen to everything she says and be happy. I pray for a safe return for your husband, may ALLA keep him in his hands at all times.
2006-06-24 13:57:13 · answer #8 · answered by Fannie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋