My aunt and uncle live on the east coast and whenever they come out for a visit, they don't tell us beforehand. Usually it's a phone call like "oh, we're in town and we want to come see you today." If we don't see them during their visit, they go back home and tell other relatives "we went all the way out there and didn't even get to see them."
And now my cousins (their grown children) do the same thing. I know a simple meal or meeting isn't too much to ask (after all, we could say no), but it's very annoying. Like my cousin called us this morning, they arrived last night. She wanted to come see us tomorrow (we said we had plans). So then my cousin said "well, what about Monday or Tuesday" (considering we have to work all day and they are staying 30+ miles away), that's not an option either.
We've told them before, oh maybe next time you could let us know ahead of time. We're not even that close - and if it were me, I wouldn't even bother to let them know I was in town.
2006-06-24 12:24:35 · 11 answers · asked by Cookie Bandit 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Well, they aren't likely to change, since you have already asked them to let you know ahead of time and they haven't.
Here are some ways to handle it:
If it's not too inconvenient, meet them somewhere for a meal. If it is a strain for you (financially) to meet them for a meal, tell them you would love to meet them for lunch, but you don't have the money right now ... lol ... maybe they will spring for it! Or meet over coffee.
My choice would be this: When they call, I would say, oh, I really wish you had let me know you were going to be here, I would have set aside some time for you, but as it is, we have plans. Do have a good time while you are here and a safe trip home.
It could be that they feel a sense of duty in calling you. That they don't feel close enough to plan for seeing you, but would feel guilty if they were in your area and didn';t at least call. Then, that makes them feel like they have performed their "family duty". As for what they tell people when they get back home, it could be just a way of putting it on you, again to allay guilt, rather than themselves for failling to plan, or maybe not caring that much themselves to get together!
2006-06-24 12:55:38 · answer #1 · answered by Pichi 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell them a definite NO. They are being rude and inconsiderate by dropping in at the last minute. If they have time to plan a trip and make that same trip, they have time to call ahead and let you know. I do not tolerate this behaviour in my own children and wouldn't from others. As far as them complaining to other family members, well there is the golden rule. Do it to them a few times and let them know how it feels. Besides the other people they are complaining to already know what their doing and either approve of it or don't. Either way you shouldn't let it bother you. Do what is right for your family and home. That is first.
2006-06-24 13:27:38 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell them how you feel, say well if you would call in advance we could make plans, but if you expect me to drop everything last minute for you then the answer is NO. I'm sure they do the same thing to the other family members too. Who cares if you dont see them- they are cousins... I've got cousins I've only seen maybe a dozen times in my life. TRUE family are the people who love you and respect you- these people obviously dont!
2006-06-24 13:11:15 · answer #3 · answered by ChrissyLicious 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I am a single mom and when I go visit relatives and Im late it's for a good reason! Your relatives don't owe you anything. You should be happy they want to come and see you. It wouldn't hurt you to drop a couple days from work to spend some time with them. I am single and I only make 9.69 an hour but I would still spend th e time.
2006-06-24 12:43:38 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I grew up in a very close family. Dropping by isn't a problem. I always keep my Uncle's favorite meal on hand. (Friend chicken, mashed potatoes and cream gravy, Corn on the cob and raisin pie) He drops by even without calling. He is such the wanderlust. Spaghetti is fast and cheap to prepare and jarred sauce is a staple in my pantry as well. My family gets mad if we were in town and didn't see them.
2006-06-24 13:23:49 · answer #5 · answered by miss_anna529 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One day you could invite them for a dinner,whether it be home cooked or going out,it sounds like going out is better,meet them half way!it seems like they are trying to reach out and become close,maybe write a letter once a week,or a phone call,robin
2006-06-24 12:33:41 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Accomodate them if you can, maybe for a meal/dinner. If not just telll them you have other commitments. Afterall they are not that close to you right? No need to feel bad offending them if they don't have the courtesy to call beforehand.
2006-06-24 19:56:27 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
To quote Ann Landers, "no one can walk on you if you don't lay down". If you don't want to see them, just say no, you don't have to have an excuse, just a polite sorry that would not fit our schedule is all it takes. After a few times they will get the hint.
2006-07-01 07:12:02 · answer #8 · answered by riddletricia 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I swear I have/had the same problem.There's this thing called caller i.d. when they call don't answr,let the machine get it.Yeah I know it sounds cruel,but hey,you don't want to be bothered and they don't want to hear you tell them "no".That way when they get back home and call you up to say "hey you know we were just down that way and tried to call to let you know" you can say that you were out of town and didn't get the message.Or you can just say NOOOOOO...(SMILE)
2006-06-24 12:34:21 · answer #9 · answered by xrosskountry 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
kick them to the kerb
2006-06-24 12:57:13 · answer #10 · answered by sarahgracie18 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋