should i forgive my sister?

Question

iam fighting with my sister and havent been able to get over the fact that she chose to have a abortion(not only am i strongly aginst abortion because pregnacy is preventable)but i hada child that died and that crushed me but she chose this herself i dont knnow what to think or if i should forgive her anyone have aany advice?

Answer 1

Forgiveness is for the forgiver, and not the forgiven.

Not forgiving her is tearing you apart.

The consequence of her action will tear her apart, but that was her choice.

Forgiving and forgetting does not mean that she will not suffer the consequence of you not speaking to her because you don't want to be reminded of your loss.

But let this be a comfort to you: Know that your child and her child are now in the arms of God, and I wouldn't want to take anyone away from there.

Answer 2

It was her choice. I think you need to respect that.

First, let me explain why abortion isn't illegal. In the United States, a person can't be charged with a crime unless it is proven that the person harmed another person. Now, the question is when does life begin? You can sit there and speculate or turn to religion all you want, but the law doesn't allow for speculation or religion, it requires truth. Since the truth is still unknown as to when life begins, we have to be safe and say that the unborn baby is not an individual life, but is part of the mother until a certain time (the certain time is, in most states, when the child has the ability to live on its own outside the mother's womb). Until that time, it is considered part of the mother (again, because of what the law requires... but what the law requires is also what allows us to not just be thrown in jail if we didn't do anything wrong, so we have to consider all angles on this).

Now, that's what the law requires. As for you and your sister, again, it's an individual choice as to when life begins. Now, I'm about as conservative as they come, but for the time being I support the right to abortion because of the legal principles (I'm also a law student, so my take on it is a bit different than the average person's, but feeds the rest of this post). You obviously consider the fetus a life. Your sister might not. Because your sister doesn't, and because the law says that it is unclear whether or not it is, you should probably respect your sister's choice. I'm not saying you should agree with it, or like it, but you should respect it.

There are some other things you might want to consider. Like, what kind of life would this baby have? I know a lot of people say to give the child up to adoption, but do you have any idea what type of process that is? That take a huge, long, traumatic tole on the children that go through it. And keeping the child when its not wanted isn't good for the child. Of course, keeping the child when the parents aren't ready isn't good, either, neither is bringing a child into a home that can't afford it. See where I'm going. I'm sure these are all things your sister probably considered, even if you don't see it.

Do what you want, forgive her, don't, think poorly of her, think highly of her, whatever, just know that she's your sister, and that she made a choice based on her own personal beliefs, something that we should probably respect, even if we don't agree with them.

Answer 3

I think (my opinion) the main reason why you are fighting with your sister is due to your child dying, which is still causing your emotional distress. Actually, if you forgive yourself (most parents blame themselves when their child dies) for the death of your child you will forgive your sister for having an abortion. Even though you are strongly against the abortion, your opinion of what your sister did is "she killed a child'. I'm quite sure you have made it known to your sister your feelings about her abortion, now, it is time to have a heart to heart talk with your sister about the death of your child, and maybe, just maybe, by talking to your sister about it, the two of you will find a way to become even closer as sisters. Your sister may not be aware of all the stress you are going through because of your loss. Even though there are many ways to prevent pregnancies, your sister probably wasn't ready to be a mother. Give each other the opportunity the explain and express your feeling and at least the two of you can learn to express your different views and still remain sisters. Also, could you have been thinking when your nephew or niece was born, you could be his or her second mother because you want so desparately to make up for your loss? In time each of you will understand each other, but, the two of you have to work it out together, keep other friends and family out of the situation. Outside influences can sometime create a worst situation.

Answer 4

I suppose one thing you really should do before making any more decisons on this is: Ask yourself what will be the long term benefits to you by continuing to show animosity towards your sister? If it lasts a lifetime, will that have done what you wanted it to do or given you a feeling that you did the right thing and you're glad you did it? You have a very valid point, but you each grew up with different values, just as the rest of the world did. I believe eventually it will be better to end your bitterness, but not give up your believes or values, and continue a mature relationship with your sister. Whole countries war against each other as a result of things that started out as differences of opinion. The wars never accomplish much on the world scale either.

Answer 5

Here is my opinion. I do not believe in abortion. I lost my first 3 children. How old is your sister? There are other alternatives to abortion , like adoption. But I also believe in a persons right to choose. There are certain cases in which I believe abortion is OK. Like a rape pregnancy. Or children having children. She just may be to young to have kids and all the responsibility that comes with it.
You may not have to agree with your sisters choice, but she is your sister and just maybe she need you to be there for her. Do you think that this decision was easy for her. It is something that will be on her conscience for the rest of her life. Yes forgive her and be supportive of her.

Answer 6

Everyone has his or her faults in life. Sometimes, people make decisions which they think will benefit them, and they do not necesarily consider other's feelings. But the fact is that she is your family. You should support her, even though you disagree with her decision, you should be there for her to comfort her through the emotional and physical distress of having an abortion. Eventually, down the road, you can tell her about your feelings. I once heard of a story where a wife came to the door of her cabin and saw her husband grappling with a ferrocious bear. It was a fight to the death and the husband yelled to his wife "do something." the wife asked what she could do and the husband said "you could at least say something encouraging." Not wanting to take sides in this fight, the wife yelled "Go it, husband. Go it, bear." You should be that way with your sister; support her in either decision she choses and not take sides against her. Good luck to you.

Answer 7

Forgive her.
You didn't go into why she is having the abortion but whatever the reason is be a great sister and give love and support. We know that you do not believe in abortion but that is something she will have to deal with. At this time she needs you, don't turn your back on her.

Answer 8

Well, this is a tough situation to be in. I feel the same way as you. I totally agree. I think that you should try and look past her mistake; try to work past it. Just remember, it was hard for you, and it will be hard for her as well. She may have done it willfully but the loss is the same. She will need someone there for her, and even though you may not agree with her decision, in the end you are still sisters, and it seems like you really care about her. It may be wrong, but if anything, that only makes the situation more difficult. She is going to have emotional, physical, and moral pain. You should be there for her. You don't have to be okay with it, but you should still try to help her. It sounds like she needs someone that really loves her in her life right now.

Answer 9

You have no choice but to forgive her because at the end of the day, when everything is said and done, it's still HER decision and not yours.

As much as you think you would be there to help support her and a baby, you still would not be the mother of that child. And, if she's not ready to be a mother, then you can't force her to be.

Sorry for your loss, but you can't force your value system on your sister.

Answer 10

You cant live your sisters life, her choices are her own and her choice to have that abortion in no way affects you and it should never have affected your relationship with her. You should have voiced your concern and displeasure with it then you should have told her that no matter what her choice you would love and nothing she did would affect that. However much it upset you I can guarantee that she was way more upset by it. No one takes abortion lightly. You were totally wrong for letting this destroy your relationship. Pregnancy is preventable but it still happens. We can't force motherhood on those who aren't ready for it. My sister got pregnant while in birth control. she wanted an abortion but did not because our parents told her not to they guilt ed her into keeping the baby, one never wanted and still does not.