how do u control your 3 year old?

Question

i have a boyfriend who has a 3 year old daughter and it is so hard to get her under control she kicks and slaps and bites people includeing me and she screams, throws things. pop on the behind, timeouts, takeing things away just won't work she'll even say things like i don't want you or i don't love you or why don't you go home but then she'll do the opoisit. i really don't know how to handle stuff like that and im asking for advice what to do. i love her to death and i do everything that i can for her but she still misbehaves and also i really don't know how to get her potty trained iv'e used techniques that i was used and other peoples but she just don't want to be how do u do this?

i know but i don't disapline her ill either get his mom or him to do it but they did give me permission to disapline when she is doing someting wrong but i don't hit her i tell her we don't hit or anything she asks me to take her somewhere and ill tell her no uve got to learn we don't hit people cuz if u do u don't get to do what u want to do but i do say it nice and polite. plus her mother don't want nothing to do with her she dropped her off at his and his parents door step when she wasn't even one yet

and her dad does disapline her but he works i know i didn't mention this but me and him are 18 well ill be 18 in a week and ahalf and i know how to take care of kids ive been around them all my life but not like this and i don't understand how a mother can do this to her child i mean she don't so nothing with her and i know it ain't my responsibillity but i feel like it is cause im in his and her life i treat her equal to everyone.

Answer 1

Talk about a turf war?

This is up to your BF to handle. In time (preferably a short time) he can make her understand that her place in his heart and attention is safe and not threatened by you.

If he likes watching the contest and thinks it's funny, DTMFA.

Answer 2

You have to realize one thing: this is NOT your daughter, so it is not your responsibility to discipline her or to potty train her. You didn't say where her mother is or who she's living with, so I'm not exactly sure how to answer your question.
Her dad needs to step up and start disciplining her. She's three and there's a lot going on in her life that she doesn't understand. Like YOU! You're not her mother, and she knows it and she's rebelling against you. If she's being bounced back and forth between her parents, that's hard on her too. When she's with her dad, she's doing to push every button she knows, try his limits and test everything and everyone.
If she's living with her mom most of the time and her dad only has visitation, then you don't know what the home environment is there and what kind of discipline she gets there. Your boyfriend and the mother have to get together and agree on how this little girl is going to be raised. She can't be treated one way during the week, then another when she's with her dad. It's not fair to her.
And the potty training thing. It will come! She's got a lot on her plate right now, and peeing in the toilet is not all that important to her. Don't push it!

Answer 3

When my children were young and tried those tactics, I just laughed at them, and told them keep to keep it up, that it was funny. When they found out that they weren't going to get their way, but they also weren't getting attention, they decided it wasn't worth the effort and just quit. I would tell them "Oh, come on you can scream louder than that, you can hit harder, you can stomp and yell even more" they would try for a while and then just stop. I was able to take all 5 of my children any place and have them behave, and even have people comment on how well behaved my children were. As for the potty training, it begins with making sure she is never wet. Once she is used to being dry at all times she will hate the feeling of being wet, and will be more accepting of going to the potty. Praise, praise, praise her when she gets it right, and don't scold or punish her for accidents. Just give her dry clothes and say "oops, we had an accident, lets try again." All of this is going to take a tremendous amount of time. And you must be consistent, you can't do it one day and then not follow up on the next day. If children have constancy in their lives they are much happier and better behaved. They need to know that there will always be someone there, and that they are loved. It sounds as if this little girl is afraid and is acting out because of this. Good luck to you.

Answer 4

I've been in a similar situation. It is not easy. You must have the Patience of Jobe!! Although I am not sure of the child's living arrangements, she must learn to feel secure and she must know where home is. If she is being taken from place to place with many different rules, she still must have one place to call home. This should be security for her as she gets used to it. Don't sweat the small stuff, meaning, work on a few things at a time. I know the potty training seems important, but I think you will find that if she eventually becomes secure, she will be ready to give and receive love and probably potty train herself. If you spend more time with her than anyone, know that she is hurting, and she needs a sounding board and if you are strong enough, you can be that sounding board. This usually makes for a strong long term relationship. Hopefully you and your boyfriend are planning on sticking together long term, because it sounds like she could use the security. Unfortunately, you must realize you cannot control someone, they have to want to!!!! Good Luck and God Bless You All!!!!

Answer 5

Seems there is a jealousy issue here. Make sure that Daddy is spending more one on one time with his daughter, without you around. This will help her to feel that she isn't being replaced as the number one female in Daddy's life. She was, afterall, there first. At least, that is the way her 3 year old mind sees it.
Second, there is a book called 1,2,3 Magic which I have found very helpful. Isolation works when you have a child acting out for attention. You should have a time out spot, ours is at the bottom of the stairs, which is away from everyone and everthing going on in the house. If she refuses to stay on the time out spot for the alotted time (Number of minutes for her age, so 3 minutes) then take away her favorite toy tv or etc. until she complies. If she still refuses, sit there with her and hold her there if you have to. Don't do physical harm, just restrain. Never give in. Children are tenacious and as soon as you make an exception to a rule, she knows that rules are made to be broken, not followed. Screaming, hitting and biting should be labelled as "unacceptable behaviour" and should be punishable with time out. Make sure you are not displaying those behaviours yourself, thus setting the example. Above all, praise her when you catch her doing GOOD things as much as you possibly can. This will help build her self esteem and end the cycle of negative attention. Good Luck.

Answer 6

Children have to learn how to control themselves and, you, being the adult are the teacher. My children learned as early as 18 months that undesired behavior was going to land them in the corner for 1 minute per year old that they were. I never hit them or spanked them, totally disrespectful. But there is a lot more t parenting than administering time outs. Proper amount of sleep, naps are very important, diet, appropriate play. Also, know that your child is not entertained by going to dinner or movies or doing adult type things. They will misbehave because they are bored. And often you will need to remind them over and over again. This child sounds like she may have been under disciplined so your patience is really going to be tested. If you put her in the corner and she screams and throws a fit, do not give attention, remove yourself from the room, let her vent her frustration. Read some good books on child rearing. Parenting is a life long job. Certainly requires more thought and education than you can get here. Good luck. Study now, because the teen years are coming. Don't forget to love the child, to praise good behavior, to fondly tell her from time to time that you like her and other times to tell her that you love her.

Answer 7

how do u control your 3 year old?
i have a boyfriend who has a 3 year old daughter and it is so hard to get her under control she kicks and slaps and bites people includeing me and she screams, throws things. pop on the behind, timeouts, takeing things away just won't work she'll even say things like i don't want you or i don't love you or why don't you go home but then she'll do the opoisit. i really don't know how to handle stuff like that and im asking for advice what to do. i love her to death and i do everything that i can for her but she still misbehaves and also i really don't know how to get her potty trained iv'e used techniques that i was used and other peoples but she just don't want to be how do u do this?.............................





tell her if she is really good she can have a treat if she is bad she dose not get one

Answer 8

I think you should have a serious talk with your b/f and tell him that you love his daughter, but you just don't know what to do to keep her under control. It also causes undue stress upon you as well. He needs to help you with this. During the day is fine to try and potty train her, but when he comes home from work he should take over his fatherly duties.

She to me sounds like a very angry child. If within a reasonable time she does not stop doing this, a trip to the Dr. might not be a bad idea. Get her tested for ADHD possibly. Children with that disorder act like that. There is medication for that. Just be careful to pick a good dr. Research it first before you take her to just any dr. (if all else fails).

You are so young to have this responsibility. If she was your own it would be different. She is not yours and at that age it is a lot to take on. Take care of your health as well, this will affect you.

Answer 9

Potty training: I also tried everything to train my daughter but it seemed she enjoyed being changed- so I didn't. I left her dirty for a whole day- she pleaded to go to toilet after that.
Aggressive behaviour: this is pyschological. Maybe your boyfriend's ex is telling her mean things about you. You should get your boyfriend and his daughter to sit down and discuss where this anger is coming from. She is probably afraid you are taking her daddy away from her.
Also, try ignoring her behaviour. Everytime she screams or hits, just walk away. It could be just an attention-seeking device. Only give her attention when she does the right things, and ignore all the bad- no matter how bad. It'll take time but she'll get the point.

Answer 10

Have you tried taking her off all sugars and sweeteners. They really can make a child act this way. You don't say, but what is her diet like? If she's eating junk her energy will spike and crash and so will her moods. Keep her away from all violence and forms of violence like spanking and TV. That just teaches her to be violent. Another thing, NEVER give in to a temper tamtrum, no matter how tempting. It will always backfire. Also, when my child was 3 she'd act that way when she got overly tired. Kids need more sleep that we realize at times.

About the potty training, she's likely being stubborn because she knows you want her to do it. Find ways to show her why its important to her. I hope this helps.

Answer 11

Well, I don't know if you can. I think you really have to control yourself. I found with my grandson that dialog doesn't work (just say it once) and you sure can't put them in a room by themselves until they get over their "spell." I think you have to choose your battles. Make it a habit of giving her options/choices whenever you can about what she will wear, eat, etc. ; do you want to wear the red or blue shirt, do you want green beans or corn, do you want your sandles or tennis shoes, so she feels she has control over something. It got to be such a fight over naps that I finally had to give that up and then he'd fall asleep on the couch watching a Barney video. Don't let anything be a surprise to the child. Tell her exactly what is coming next, from getting dressed to going out. Smother her will love. Don't let her get hungry and don't give her a lot of junk food with preservatives. It will get better. I would also have a sit-down strike with my Grandson. I'd sit and pretend to read the paper until he would settle down and do what I asked him to do. I'd say there wouldn't be anything fun for him to do until he did so and so--no nagging, no repeating what you said. He's 4 1/2 now and behavior is much improved. The naughty mat works now, though he seldom needs it. He can still be mean, though. I ask him why he's doing so and so and how much it hurts.I lift you both up in prayer. I cried many tears.