Is this worth my time?!?

Question

Alright. There has been no sex between me and this guy since 2001. I met my husband in 2002. Let's start there.

I met him in 1995. We moved in together in '96, bought a trailer home in '97, were going to get married in '98, but he moved out. We dated on and off for the next three years, wound up being platonic roommates at one point, and he stood up in our wedding in '03.

Since our wedding, he asks us for rides all the time. We were over there nursing his heating problems when it was 30 below zero. He stayed with us when his power was out during a storm. We've taken him food on several occasions.

We've hit some financial difficulties and have resorted to "payday advance." We've had situations where we've borrowed the money from him to make our payments, readvanced, and put the money back in his account almost immediately. He left a message for us saying this this is too much of a hassle for him. How would you respond?

Answer 1

I would tell him that when he needed us we were right there for him, just the same as if he needed us now. It shouldn't be any different when the tables turn. Friends help friends out especially in their time of need, and if he feels that way after you talked to him just tell him that he burned his bridges and if he needs you again you will ignore his call for help. Because that's not fair to you guys.

Answer 2

In all fairness, perhaps you need to "cut the ties that bind". Based on your statement, you have repaid your debt to this man and have, in kindness, allowed him to stay with you; also, you have assisted him with home repair. I say all scores are settled. Neither party owes the other party any longer. If this has become a "hassle" for him, he is indicating that he wants it to end. My response would be polite. I would tell him nicely that I appreciate all he has done during our time of financial duress and we certainly appreciate the loans. I would then let him know that since this is emotionally difficult for him, thus being a hassle, I would no longer be a trouble to him. At that point, he would surely understand that you have just given your exit speech. As to financial difficulties, I have stood in your shoes so I know what I am talking about and not giving you empty words. Now, I don't know your location or the cost of living and I don't know if you and your husband both work or if you have kids. But I can say that my husband and myself are just at the tail end of being in dire financial straights. We have kids to feed, one car payment, and a mountain of medical bills. Plus we have attorney fees costing $1,100 a month due to my husband's daughter getting into serious trouble. She has straightened up, thankfully. I get Social Security because I am disabled. And it is not a "mock" disability, either. I don't make much. My husband works his tail off but our bills exceed our resources (we live in a high price city and would like to move after his elderly mother passes away). What we had to do was cut out the fat, so to speak. We don't eat out, I make his lunch every day for work, we shop the sales, we didn't renew our two cell phone contract. We got a pay by the minute phone because it's only for emergencies anyway. My husband is working an extra day a week to clear up the financial mess and I have made a bit of money doing paralegal work. We haven't been able to take a vacation and we even cut off the cable and bought an antenna. Maybe these are some ways to cut back for you, too. It was hard on us (it was so bad we almost split up but my values don't lean to divorce over hard times), but we are almost thru the fire. I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 3

Ok, stop spending so much money. Pay the guy back. If this "other guy" is causing friction between you and your husband, break whatever you have with him off and tell him you will be his friend and nothing else. You are married. Stop playing the single woman in distress. It is unfair to your husband, the guy, and you.

Answer 4

I can understand both sides of the problem. This may sound childish but I would cut ties with this guy and borrow money from someone else. The fact that he can't even tell you in person says that he doesn't want too much to do with you. Let it go...let him go....

Answer 5

Everything you have written about him,. SAY THAT TO HIM. Tell him the truth, and how you really feel. Leave no detail out. Just saying will get you somewhere. SAY WHAT YOU HAVE SAID TO US ON HERE. It means allot.

Answer 6

You already know the answer to your question...