Dirty Jokes Please, Funniest Joke is 10 pts?

Answer 1

A husband is at home watching a cricket match when his wife interrupts: “Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? It’s been flickering for weeks now.”

He looks at her and says angrily. “Fix the light? Now does it look like I have Electrician printed on my forehead? I don’t think so.”

“Well then, could you fix the fridge door? It won’t close right.” To which he replied - “Fix the fridge door? Does it look like I have fridge technician written on my forehead? I don’t think so.”

“Fine,” she says “Then you could at least fix the steps to the front door? They’re about to break.”

“I’m not a darn carpenter and I don’t want to fix the steps,” he says. “Does it look like I have carpenter written on my forehead? Don’t think so. I’ve had enough of you. I’m going to the bar!!!”

So he goes to the bar and drinks for a couple of hours. He starts feeling guilty about the way he treated his wife, and decides to go home and help out.

As he walks into the house he notices the steps are already fixed. As he enters the house, he sees the hall light is working. As he goes to get a beer, he notices the fridge door is fixed.

“Honey, how’d all this get fixed?”

She said, “Well, when you left I sat outside and cried, just then a nice young man asked me what was wrong, and I told him. He offered to do all the repairs, and all I had to do was either going to bed with him or bake a cake.”

He said, “So what kind of cake did you bake him?”

She replied, “Hellooooo…. Do you see Monginis Bakery written on my forehead?”

Answer 2

The blonde and the lawyer

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, ""I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa. ""Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, ""Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00."" This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. ""What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer.

Okay says the lawyer, your turn. She asks the lawyer, ""What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"" The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00. The blonde says, ""Thank you,"" and turns back to get some more sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, ""Well, what's the answer? ""Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.
SORRY ITS SO LONG

Answer 3

Two women are walking through a zoo... They come across the gorilla and notice that the male guerrilla has a massive erection. The women are fascinated by this. One of the women just can't bear it any longer and she reaches into the cage to touch it. The guerrilla grabs her, drags her into the cage and scre*s her for 2hours, non-stop, while the zoo attendants helplessly stand by.... When he's done, the gorilla throws the woman out of the cage. An ambulance is called and the woman is taken away to the hospital. A few days later, her friend visits her in the hospital and asks,
- Are you hurt?
- AM I HURT? She shouts, Wouldn't you be? He hasn't called... He hasn't written...Not even an sms!

Answer 4

If Billy Jack was trapped on your roof would you help Billy Jack off?

Why did the little Greek boy run away from home? He didn't like the way he was being reared.
Why did he return home?He couldn't bear to leave his brothers behind.

Answer 5

Girls Night Out

Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out. Both were very faithful and loving wives, however they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers.
Incredibly drunk and walking home, they needed to pee. So they decided to stop in a nearby cemetery. Having nothing to wipe with, one of them thought she would take off her panties and use them.
Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them, but was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that. After the girls did their business they proceeded to go home.
The next day one of the women's husbands was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said "These damn girl's nights out have got to stop. I'm starting to suspect the worst. My wife came home with no panties!"
"That's nothing" said the other husband, "Mine came back with a card stuck between the crack of her butt that said "From all of us at the Fire Station. We'll never forget you."

Answer 6

two men in a sauna. The first one says to the second one, "do you want to see a magic trick?" Second guy says, "sure." "ok< face away from me and get down on your hands and knees." Second guy turns around and gets down on all fours. "there, says the first one." Does that feel like you've got a thumb up your ***?' "yes." The first guy waves both of his hands in the air, "Magic!"

Answer 7

Q: How did the blonde get pregnet by a mexican?

A: Because the teacher told her to go home and do her essay

Answer 8

The girl was getting married so she decided to have a tattoo. She told the tattooist 'I want a butterfly on each cheek of my bum'. He replied 'Sorry, I am no good at butterflies, but I do good Bees'. The girl agreed to have one on each cheek. On the night of her honeymoon, she stood naked in front of her new husband, turned around and bent down. She asked him 'Do you like my tattoo'. 'Yes' replied her husband, 'but who the hell is B o B........'

Answer 9

What's the difference between a blond and a mosquito??? A mosquito stops sucking when you smack it.

http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblues/

Answer 10

ther was an old man who lived in a hollow and saw a young girl that he would fallow he told her his d*c* was 15 inches she said oh **** thats hard to swallow!!