old b/f about to be released from prison?

Question

the love of my life.off and on b/f for 14 years. hes been in prison for the last 7. ive been clean from dugs all this time. weve exchanges letters and phone calls at least 3 times a week. in the letters he proposed marriage, and has expressed to my his feelings of always been in love with me. we talked of our life together constantly. now that his release date is getting closer, i feel him backing off and our relationship seems to be totally cooling off. (On his end.) When i asked him about this he told me he felt that i was "pressuring) him. I never in this time provided him with money or anything and he has never asked me to. our relation ship began when i was in my 20's and now i am 40. i am afraid he thinks i might look differant or old or ? I have never visited him in prison because of the distance. he gave my address as a release address but i dont know now if that is the case. he does still want me to pick him up but he" doesnt want to commit to anything til he is out?"

thanks to all of you and may the Lord bless every one of you. first, he was in prison for drugs. second my life has changed in everyway. i am self employed with a thriving buisness. I have the love and respect back of all my children and am the proud gramma of 4.5 grandkids!! i am 40 and he is 40. but women AGE and men age gracefully. that is just my insecurity talking? i even have a savings account to have botox bfore his release! is that insecure or what? i dont know that his life has changed from the inside out, or just cuz he is in prison. i dont know if he will fit in with my life yet. as for other relationships, ive had 4 since my sobriety. but a part of my heart has hung on to this man all these years and i think i just have to know," What could have been" As for the marriage proposal, God just held me back on going there and marrying him. i will not go back to the life we had out there. I simply wont. my life is awesome today and my achievments to great thanxs to all!!!

Answer 1

First of all, congratulations on your clean time!
If he has been in prison for 7 years, he is probably extremely nervous about what he will be facing when he gets out. It's easy to maintain a relationship while you are sitting idle, but now he is gonna have to live in the real world and he is gonna be obligated to find a job (no easy task after a conviction), satisfy probation/parole people, and most importantly try to live a lifestyle total foreign to him. He obviously shouldn't be around old friends or old hangouts and all of that is very overwhelming.
If you truly want to have a relationship with him I suggest that you are totally supportive and undemanding of him the first month or so. If he makes good choices, things should go well.
I'm sure his behavior isn't really about you, he's more than likely nervous, and any real man would feel funny about having to rely on his woman for support for how ever long it takes to get it together. So just kinda follow his lead at first, but if you see bad choices, END IT immediately. The return to prison rate on parole rate is outrageous, because of the pressure.

Good Luck to Ya'll, hope everything goes well, and your reunion is awesome.!!!!

Answer 2

looks like for him you were a time pass as long as he was in the prison! If he is changing now before he gets out i think its better that you do not get involved with him... you would 40 not 20 anymore for sure he should know that and how old is he? He should be happy that you been there for him all this time but that's not what it looks like... and if he does not want commitment than why did he even proposed to you.... to keep you talking to him?
i have a question for you now in these past decade you did not find another man on this planet who has not criminal history and who will appreciate you for who your not use you!! you would have been married with kids of your own by now have you thought of that?
Anyways he wants you to pick him up though another place where he is just using you!! After you pick him up and drop him wherever he will never look back!! Have you thought it that way ever? There are 2 sides to a coin and same applies to humans!

Answer 3

I work in a prison and often times men will use women for money or just someone correspond with to pass the time. in your case letting him use you address for his release paper work could have been all he wanted. The address they use had to be a good, drug free place to say with a person that his no criminal record. But think about this, Prison changes people and after 7 years he may no be the man that you once had feeling for. A person just getting out has a tough road ahead of them do you really want to be burden with all that. There is a hole lot that goes in in there that most men will never tell you about, and if you think you know him people change in there and do things that you could never conceive. Fell free to e-mail me and we can talk more about it

Answer 4

I would say there is a possibility that he needed your attention and the hope you provided of life as a free man while he was in prison. And now that he is almost done with his term he's wondering if maybe he might want to live a little bit before he ties himself back down.

It might have a little something to do with the time thats passed and wondering who you've become, but that will be sorted out when you pick him up.

I do believe in a man changing after being in prison, so long as this was his first offense and he is completely and totally committed to changing his life, and can prove it by being a functional member of society. All that aside, i would say always be careful until you know him for who he is now, and always allow yourself to view him and his lifestyle objectively. You dont want to be with a man who cant be with you because he's trying to be a criminal.

I would say for you to express to him that you understand he might be nervous about following through with your relationship, especially so soon after gaining his life back, and that you're still and always in love with him, but you're willing to take things slower, and start the dating and wooing process over again upon his release.

That way he will not feel pressured, and you can voice you feelings, fears and opinions.

Answer 5

Do YOU want to pick up where you left off, and why'd he go to prison? 7 years is a long time, and usually a sentence like that is for something fairly serious. How has your life been different in the time you've been apart, do you think it would be a good thing to get back together, has he changed? Have you? Maybe what you should to is take some time to consider carefully, you have your own life right now, does he still fit?

Answer 6

He's gonna need time....getting out of prison is a change, and all changes need adjusting to.....he's not unsure of you, he's unsure of himself....give him his space and don't pressure him or talk to him about anything concerning your relationship together.
Have more confidence in yourself about the way you look...and remember, it was you that kept him hanging in there all those years.....now matter how much you've changed, it won't be drastic, and he knows about the age effects on people. He loves your soul, your heart.......u were his life boat remember.
Just maintain your peace, and let him come around when he's ready.....Good Luck

Answer 7

Well, I have not been with my old b/f that long and he is in prison. But one thing I have witnessed with men who get out of jail is that they want their freedom. He may love you and want to be with you but he wants his freedom too. So, when he gets out let him go out and have his fun because he has been locked down for 7 years. If you guys are met to be together you will. But If he begins to use drugs leave him alone you have worked hard to get clean and dont let a man come and mess up what you have worked hard for.

Answer 8

He wants to leave his options open in case he's not attracted to you... He's playing it safe. Leave him at the prison that's probably the best place for him...

Answer 9

wait and see when he gets outs, you'll notice that he is different. he might not be the same person you loved 14 years ago

Answer 10

Wait and see what happens Good Luck