does any one know any good blond jokes??

Question

i need some plz!!!!

Answer 1

why does the blonde climb to the glass wall??
to see whats in the other side....
how do you get a twinkle in a blondes eye???
shine a flashlight in her ear..
Q. Why is it harder to make a blonde snowman, compared to a brunette snowman?
A. You have to hollow out the head!

Q: What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
A: "Are you sure it's mine?"

Q: What is the difference between a pregnant blonde and a lightbulb?
A: You can unscrew a lightbulb.
Q: What do blondes and beer bottles have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.

Q. How do you know that a blonde has sent you a fax?
A. There's a stamp in the corner of the fax!

Q. Why won't pharmacists hire blondes as secrataries?
A. They keep on breaking those bottles in the typewriter!

Q. How do you get a blonde to laugh on Saturday?
A. Tell her a joke on Tuesday!

Q. What did a blonde get on her SAT test?
A. Nail Polish

Q. What do you call a blonde who lives in Alaska?
A. A Frosted Flake.
Two dumb blondes were walking through the woods and they came to some tracks. The first dumb blond said "These look like deer tracks," and the other one said, "No, they look like moose tracks." They argued and argued for a while and they were still arguing when the train hit them.

Two dumb blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. They tried and tried to get the door open, but they couldn't. The girl with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath, and her friend said anxiously, "Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down."
hope you laugh a lot....plz give me those 10 points....i need them

Answer 2

Sometimes being a blonde isn't easy, especially if you're cooking...

MONDAY
It's fun to cook for Bob. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls.

TUESDAY
Bob wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without dressing. So I didn't dress. What a surprise when Bob brought a friend home for supper.

WEDNESDAY
A good day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It seemed kinda of silly but I took a bath. I can't say it improved the rice any.

THURSDAY
Today Bob asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. Which is what led up to Bob asking me why I was rolling around in the garden.

FRIDAY
I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put all ingredients in bowl and beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I got back, everything was the same as when I left.

SATURDAY
Bob did the shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday (oh boy). For some reason Bob keeps counting to ten.

SUNDAY
Bob's folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast. All I could find was hamburger. Suddenly I had a flash of genius. I put the hamburger in the oven and set the controls for roast. It still came out hamburger, much to my disappointment.

GOOD NIGHT DEAR DIARY
This has been a very exciting week. I am eager for tomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe on Bob. If we could just get a bigger oven, I would like to surprise him with Chocolate Moose.

Answer 3

A blonde walked into a library and said, "Can I have a burger and fries?"
The librarian said, "Sorry, this is a library."
So the blonde whispered, "Can I have a burger and fries?"
* * *
Did you hear about the blonde who got a pair of water-skis?
She's still looking for a lake with a slope.
* * *
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"
* * *
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them."
A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?
"The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: "W"
* * *
A blonde was driving down the highway to Disneyland when she saw a sign that said 'DISNEYLAND LEFT'. After thinking for a minute, she said to herself, "Oh well!" and turned around and drove home.
On her way home the same blonde drove past another sign that said 'CLEAN RESTROOMS - 8 MILES'. By the time she drove eight miles, she had cleaned 43 restrooms.
* * *
Two blondes were walking down the street. One of the blondes noticed a compact laying on the ground. She picks it up, looks into the mirror, and says to the other blonde, "wow, this person really looks familiar".
The other blonde takes the compact, looks into it and says, "You dummy! That's me."

and that all folks

Answer 4

One day a blonde buys two horses but she can't tell them apart so she calls up her friend and says," I got these two horses but I can't tell them apart. What should I do?" Her friend says try tying a ribbon in one of your horses tails." The next day the blonde calls back and says," It didn't work the ribbon came out. What now." So her friend says," Try spray painting one of your horses manes." The blonde calls back the next day and says,"The spray paint washed out." So her friend says,"I am all out of ideas." So the next day the blonde calls back and says,"I just figured out that the white horse is ten inches taller than the black horse!"

So, there was this blonde who wanted to buy her husband this REALLY nice gift for Valentine's day. So she decided to go around the neighborhood, asking them if they had anything that they would want her to do, and she would do it. So the first house she went to was the Anderson's. She rang their doorbell and said, Hello Mr. Anderson! Sorry to bother you, but i was wondering if you needed any chores being done, and i would be more the happy to do them for you. You see, I am trying to raise money for-Enough said , said Mr Anderson. It would be great if you would paint my porch!! there is paint in the garadge! Mrs.Anderson then said to her husband, do you think she knows that the porch goes all around the house? i mean, that may be a lot of paint. "Well sure! She was standing on the porch anyway!" Said Mr.Anderson. "it might take a while, but I am sure we have enough paint!"
In only 20 minutes she came back and said " Im finished!! And there is paint left over."
Mr. Anderson said, " Did you paint the whole porch?"
Yah. And by the way, ....Thats a Porsche, not a porch.."

This blonde walks into a hardware store and asks the guy at the cashier,"Can I buy that microwave?" He replies,"No im sorry we don't sell to blondes." So she goes home and dies her hair green.She goes back and asks" Can I buy that microwave?" "No im sorry we don't sell to blondes" So goes home and does the same thing with burnette, red, and blue. The last time she goes in she says "How do you always know who I am?" He replies "Because thats a T.V."

Answer 5

ya mom.... umm
theres two blondes adn theyre sitting at a table with neil armstrong and he was bragging about how he went to the moon. one of the blondes said theyre going to the sun, so neil said "thats impossible its way too hot" so the other blonde said "dont worry we'll go at night!"

theres a blonde who goes into a store and asks the clerk if she could buy a television, the clerk said "sorry no dumb blondes allowed" so she returned the next day and asked if she could buy the tv again. the clerk said "no dumb blondes allowed... and by the way its not a tv its a microwave"....

this blonde was working on a puzzle. she really wanted to finish it because it would make a picture of a tiger. she couldnt do it, so she called up her boyfriend and asked him to help her. when he came over he looked at her and the "puzzle" and then back again and impatietly sighed, " alright honey, lets put the frosted flakes back into the box and try a 'real' puzzle"

Answer 6

One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.

The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.

He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.

Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.

The blonde started laughing.

This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.

This time the blonde laughed even harder.

Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.

The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny.

The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"

Answer 7

very humorous lol blonde version of who desires to be a millionaire: quickest finger question: positioned those Rocky video clips so as beginning with the earliest.....Rocky one million,Rocky 2,Rocky 3,Rocky 4 those 2 blonde ladies drove to Disneyland.They observed an indication that pronounced "Disneyland Left" so as that they went left and went back living house. they chanced on 2 blonde ladies frozen to dying of their vehicle on the force-in movie theatre. They went to confirm "Closed For The winter". why cant blondes make kool-help they cant confirm how they get 8 cups water in the koolaid packet scientific expert (utilising a stethoscope): "massive breaths." Blond: Yeth. and that i'm no longer even thickteen yet how did the blonde get sq. boobs she forgot to take the kleenix out of the container this blonde ladys buddy became particularly injured and mandatory to circulate to the wellness middle for scientific interest.So she ultimately have been given her to the emrgency.So the nurse on the er asked her why didnt she purely cal "911"? The blonde woman pronounced"properly i couldnt locate the "11" button." 2 blondes are strolling in the woods whilst one spots tracks and says, "whats up look, undergo tracks!" to which the different blonde replies, "no those are deer tracks!" they argue for about an hour. next morning, information headlines examine:2 blondes, killed by utilising practice.

Answer 8

A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. The doctor asked her what had happened to her ears and she answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But. what happened to your other ear?" "The son of a ***** called back."
___________________________
A blonde goes into a laundry mat and asks to have her sweater cleaned. The laundromat attendant doesn't hear her correctly and says, "come again?" The blonde blushes slightly and giggles, "oh, no it's just mustard this time."
___________________________
A blonde walks into a doctor's office and tells the doctor she's broken every
single bone in her body. "That's impossible!" says the doctor.
The blonde says, "No, it's really true. Look!" She then touches her leg with
her index finger and screams "Ouch!" Then she touches her arm and yells
"Eeeeoooow!" Finally she touches her ribs and can barely maintain her
composure as the tears start to roll down her face. She says, "See, I told
you I broke every bone in my body."
The doctor rubs his chin, then conducts a thorough examination. "Well, miss,"
he tells her, "I've got some good news and some bad news. The good news is,
you haven't broken every bone in your body. The bad news is, you've broken
your finger."
___________________________
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person. Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general and all in the name of humor!" The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells, "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little **** on your knee."
_______________________
This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.

While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.

Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is ok. She replies yes.

He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said....

!!FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS!!

~~~~~~~~~~~*hope these help*~~~~~~~~~~~~

Answer 9

i do! hehe, i'm blonde! okay, there's this blonde taking a complicated algebra test, and the problem is one of those triangles, that u have to find the value of the variable. The problem said 'FIND X', so the blonde, (smart as she is) circled the X on the triangle, and wrote HERE IT IS with an arrow pointing to it! rofl!

Answer 10

what do you call a blonde with pig tails? A ******* with handlebars.
How did the blond explain how his helicopter crashed?
He said it was getting cold, so he turned off the ceiling fan.
How can you tell if a blonde has been using your lawnmower?
The green WELCOME mat is ripped all to shreds.
How can you tell if a blonde has been using your computer?
You have slobber all over the screen.