have you ever let go of your beloved because of your parents?

Question

I'm 22, living alone, soon moving out to other city for studying and not independent financialy.
my mom hates my gf and doesn't tolerate my relationship (homosexual) and is determined to do everything to destroy what's between me and my gf. I don't know what to do. I don't want to leave my gf and still I can't treat my mom jst as I didn't care about her and what she thinks... :(
have anyone be in such or similar situation with your family/parents? what did you do?

Answer 1

Yea, I was in that situation before. I finally just had to let go because I couldn't live my life without my mom being there for me. It sucked a lot because we had been together for almost 2.5 years. I just didn't know what else to do either. All I can really suggest is try to talk it out with her. Does she hate her personally or hate her because of the homosexual relationship? Explain to her that homosexual relationships are very accepted in society nowadays (at least way more than when she was growing up) and that you really love this girl but you love her too. Tell her a lot about how you love her and respect her but she should love and respect you too and that she should be supporting you. (A mini guilt trip isn't so bad). I tried to explain that to my mom, and she kinda "dealt with it" after awhile even though she didn't approve. My last bf was much bigger than me, with real long hair (all the way down his back) and he wore all black most of the time. She didn't even know him because she refused to talk to him, yet swore she could tell me what kind of person he was and how he was going to beat and rape me, and yada yada yada even though he was really the sweetest guy ever. Parents just don't understand sometimes and just want you to be like they were when they were kids. Try to come to an agreement. Good luck!!!

PS: Don't do what everyone else is saying and "get a boyfriend," do what makes you happy. You can't live a lie.

Answer 2

I have not been in this specific situation with my family but I have been in others of social background. Basically my mother trying to force certain social standards on me that were HER standards and not my own. Everyone has their own views and standards for a reason...because they are independant beings. Unfortunately in some cases it's possible that such colliding views can change or even end fundamental relationships which is never good. Then again being anyone other than who YOU are is never a good thing either!It is a question of " where your highest values lie". Family or individuality. Sometimes and VERY painfully, you can not have both...that is just life. But if you give up being who and what you are once, you will do it the rest of your life. That is not worth it. Do not let ANYONE else make your choices for you. You are YOU, not them. Just be yourself and let others make their own choices, as painful as that might be. It really means you are strong enough to be true to yourself when others are not. Love is partly about acceptance of differences. Love your family anyway, even if things do not go well on that front. They will still love you despite what ever choices they make.

Answer 3

If you are not independent financially your mom has you over a barrel. Gain your financial independence as soon as you can. Then you can make your own decisions. In the meantime talk to your girlfriend about your situation. Make sure she knows how you feel about her but that you are to some extent- trapped. Maybe she will wait for you. Maybe she will also try to become independent if she hasn't already.

Good luck with your move to the new city. Study hard so that you can take control of your life.

Answer 4

There will come a day when your parents will be history. You have to live for your future and do what is in your heart as they did when they were young. I'm sure their parents had some problems with their romance and they had to make choices just like you do now. You can remind them that in giving your decisions support instead of putting space between you a better bond can be formed. The love between two people is there to give strength to face problems of life and share the joys. Only the two in love know the full depth of things. They are trying to protect you and using old values in your case. Sexual preference is your choice not theirs and life for all of you will be fuller if they realize you are now an adult and need to live your life. They should be glad there are not drug problems or promiscuity problems.

Answer 5

The parents raise the children and then LET GO! You can't have her living your life for you. If she can't accept you as you are, unconditionally (like a parent is supposed to) then offer an ultimatum to her. She cares more about how you appear to the rest of the world than your happiness. Your girlfriend loves you for who you are. Let her know if she can't accept you then it's her your going to leave. She'll miss out on the rest of your life, any kids you might have, love and support in her own age. If she's so centered on thinking of herself maybe this will put it in a new light. It will be very painful emotionally and financially but you have to put you first. She doesn't have to accept your lifestyle just you, her daughter.

Answer 6

I know that your mom may be looking out for your best interest, and not doing this for her own selfish reasons. But you have to live your own life and be happy. That does not mean disrespect your mom but you can not live your life for someone else. If you are not happy and you are always doing what other people ask of you or want you to do then is that really fulfilling you? You have to talk to your mom and tell her that you don't want her to feel like you do not care but to let you be happy and live your own life, that does not mean that you don't care what she thinks. As long as you are happy and you gf is not doing anything to disrespect you then your mom should be happy for you. And just be there when you need her to be.

Answer 7

Your 22. I think your old enough to make your own mind up on this matter. No matter what you do your parents are never going to be 100% happy. As long as you and your gf are happy let that be enough. Sometimes you have to stop trying to please everybody and just please yourself. Explain to your mother that this is what is going to happen, be straight to the point don't enter into an argument and leave it at that. She may not agree with you initially but given time being your mother she should come around when she sees how happy you are. I say follow your heart your too old to follow your mothers rules. Just let her know you love her no matter what happens.

Answer 8

I have had that problem with ONE OF MY OLD GIRLFRIENDS [I'm NOT GAY}. I went out with them despite of what my parents thought of it. I put it to them real simple. I did not tell them who the should have been with and they need to realize that it is my life and I have to make my own choices about how I choose to live it They can not do it for me and visa verse It took a whole but the manage got through to them eventually and they quit hassling me about her Eventually they learned to accept her and found out that she was really a good person all along which I already knew from the start

Answer 9

mean your mom close mind..... See my mom is homosexual she has been since high school to now and she finally told me when i was 26 years old I knew abut told her that if you happy with women that fine and she got mad and one year later she finally told me she is.

What I am saying is that if your mother can't stand this... How long you know yoru girlfriend? and do what best for you and not do what best for your mom. and If your mom not happy.. oh well you are 22 years old and make your own choice.. once make that chocie and your mother have to accpet that.

Answer 10

I haven`t been in such a situation. If you really love her and she makes you happy then do what your heart says. If your mom really loves you then why wouldn`t she let you be happy