2006-06-24 01:02:49 · 20 answers · asked by elephantstone82 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I send you lots of supportive wishes. This happened to me with my mother.
I guess it depends on how old you are - if you are very young, it is more difficult, because you need your mother in a more practical way and probably live with her.
Two things I would say:
1. Most moms do their best. Most moms get it wrong! The reason your mom is controlling is probably because she is insecure and that's how she was treated by her mom. So give her the benfit of the doubt. As you grow older, there will be more understanding between you. There is with me and my mom.
2. This will get better. When you feel ready and are old enough to leave home, you can be independent of your mom and see her when you want to and not when you don't. Just keep reminding yourself that you are NOT small, you are a great person, and hold your head up.
Try to talk with your mom. Reassure her that you do hear her and that you know she is doing her best for you, but tell her that sometimes she makes you feel small.
I hope this helps.
2006-06-24 01:14:16 · answer #1 · answered by Suzita 6 · 5⤊ 0⤋
One of the hardest things for anyone to understand and deal with is this...no one can make you feel anything. You control how you feel. If you feel inadequate, then you will feel small.
Your mother is not putting a gun to your head and telling you to feel that way. You are allowing her words to affect you adversely.
Your response depends on your age. If you are underage and living on her support, then what you call controlling and making you feel small may be the typical teenager's reaction to mature direction.
If you are not underage, why are you allowing this kind of treatment? If you are self-supporting, tell your mother you no longer need her to "mother" you and that you would prefer to have her as a friend. However, if she still continues to try and control your life, tell her that's enough.
It's hard and she may stop talking to you for a while, but it's worth it. If she's done her job right, she will have raised an independent person and can rejoice in that fact.
2006-06-24 08:11:05 · answer #2 · answered by Blue 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Don't yell at your mother or talk back to her. The more you do that, the more she will think you are still little and you don't know what you are doing. The best way to deal with this is to actually make her feel she can trust you and rely on you. Also, try setting down with her and ask her a mature question about her, for example:
"How do you deal with work and motherhood at the same time?" or "Are there politics involved at your job?"
The point of the mature question is to make her feel that you are grown up.
2006-06-24 08:10:36 · answer #3 · answered by princemo4 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't control your mother. Not till she's in a nursing home.
You have to start a life of your own. Become an individual. Avoid negative input. Even if this means only visiting your mother on holidays. And then just ignore remarks that annoy you.
BLUE nailed it while I was typing. Go back and read his answer again.
2006-06-24 08:12:12 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't stop your mother from doing anything! You can't change her. The only thing you can do is change the subject when talking to her, keep the conversation short, make an excuse for having to leave, etc. Your mother sounds like my mother. I moved 2000 miles away from her and I talk to her 10 mins every other day. This was the only way to get away from what she was doing to me and it was one of the best decisions of my life. Don't let her put a guilt trip on you! This is YOUR life! She's already lived hers and it's not your fault that she's bitter. You need to minimize your contact w/her as much as possible. Good Luck!
2006-06-24 08:16:37 · answer #5 · answered by mom of 5 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are going to have to make boundaries she isn't alloud to cross and not let her manipulate you into moving them this may make her say "Well fine, humph I'm never talking to you again and remeber you drove me away and your horrible for this and if we dont' speak ever ever again it's your fault and if I die you will feel guilty" This is an attempt to manipulate you into giving in by giving you false guilt...Kindly return the reply "Mom I love you, I will always love you but I am not your little one any more and you cannot control my life any more I am an adult. I wish to keep the lnes of communication open but I will no longer allow you to manipulate me and you must accept this." The hardest thing for you will be sticking to your guns.
2006-06-24 08:10:46 · answer #6 · answered by xx_muggles_xx 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just talk to her and tell her how you feel. You don't need to push. She'll understand if you just let it out normally. After all, a mother knows her kid best.
2006-06-24 08:28:23 · answer #7 · answered by Hunter 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ask if you can talk to her properly!
explain to her how she is making you feel, and that its msking you feel really down, you dont want her to tell you what to do, controlling you, or making you feel really small and what both of you can do to make sure the relationship gets better!
If all that fails....scream at her & leave home!!!
2006-06-24 08:11:09 · answer #8 · answered by splight 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her that you feel upset with her behaviour, she probably doesnt know shes doing it, and will be sorry she upsets you. If she doesnt agree that shes doing it and continues to annoy you with her behaviour, either try to ignore her if you have to live there or if you are old enough, maybe its time to think about getting your own place.
2006-06-27 12:41:21 · answer #9 · answered by kelly d 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Regulate the amount of access she has to you. Take charge of your life including thinking deeply and wisely about how you would like people to respect you. Reward her good behaviour with your presence. Punish her unwanted behaviour with your lack of response.
xGood luckx
2006-06-24 08:08:38 · answer #10 · answered by Teardrop 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋