any one can give funny sexy jokes?

Answer 1

i just received this joke from a text message..

there is this boyfriend and girlfriend..
bf: "hon, let's do 69!"
gf: "what is 69?"
bf: "it's easy.."

then they positioned theirselves..
while in that position, the boy farted 4 times..

then the girl reacted and said "omg! i cant do this anymore! i cant take anymore the remaining 65!"

lolz..

Answer 2

Yes.

Mailman's Last Day

It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.

When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope.

At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars.
The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.

At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee.

She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door (which she closed behind him), and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.

When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice.

When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee.

As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge.

"All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?"

"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you."

He said, "F__k him, give him a dollar."

The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea."

Answer 3

Murphy's Law in Sex

1.The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to leave her with no hard feelings.

2.Nothing improves with age.

3.No matter how many times you've had it, if it's offered take it, because it'll never be quite the same again.

4.Sex has no calories.

5.Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.

6.There is no remedy for sex but more sex.

7.Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got.

8.No sex with anyone in the same office.

9.Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches you are going to get or how long it is going to last.

10.A man in the house is worth two in the street.

11.If you get them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.

12.Virginity can be cured.

13.When a man's wife learns to understand him, she usually stops listening to him.

14.Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.

15.The qualities that most attract a woman to a man are usually the same ones she can't stand years later.

Answer 4

A man walks into the bar and notices a cute blonde reading a book. He orders her a drink and the bartender sets it in front of her. She doesn’t notice this and just keeps reading.

Frustrated, the guy walks over to her and says, “Excuse me, but I just ordered you a drink and it’s still sitting there.”

She says, “Oh, I’m sorry. I guess I was so busy reading this book about sexuality around the world. It says here that American Indian men have the longest peni$es and Mexican men have the widest fattest peni$es.

By the way, my name’s Michelle, what’s yours?”

The guy says, “Tonto Gonzalez.”

Answer 5

Take your links where ever you go with LINKSHELF.COM





A Pearl Necklace

A young woman was taking an afternoon nap on her birthday.
After she woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for my birthday. What do you think it means?"
"You'll know tonight." he said.
That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it--only to find a book entitled:
"The meaning of dreams".

Answer 6

this is the story of birabal & tansen

once tansen was sitting alone in gardon ,birbal walks to him & asks 'dear y u so upset'
he says"u see i'm not able to sleep 4 many days"
bbl asks 'y so'
he says 'it's stupid to say but i want to lick RANI'S boobs'
bbl says 'i can help u but it will cost u 100 gold coins'
& they made a deal
next day when rani went to take bath bbl put's a itching powder in her bra
rani goes mad with itching & asks akabar to help her
akabar take advice from his doctor who himself was un able to find the cause of itching

finally akabar ask birable to help

he says"my lord this is arare itching & can be cured only by saliva of most musical man in country"

so tansen was called

he licks & sucks & fullfill all his wishs with rani's boobs

then birbal asks him about his money & tansen refuses so..



next day

birbal put the same powder in akabar's underware

Answer 7

2 friends were camping out one night, when all of the sudden one of them jumps up screaming,
"A SNAKE JUST BIT ME ON THE TIP OF MY PENIS!!".
The other friend said, "don't worry, I am going to town to find a doctor, I will be right back!".
So he goes to town, and finally finds a doctor.
"Doctor!! My friend just got bit by a snake!!!" the friend says.
"It's ok", the doctor says, "all you have to do is suck the poison out.".
The friend says thank you, and runs back to the camp site. The injured friends asks, "WHAT DID THE DOCTOR SAY? WHAT DID HE SAY?"
,the other friend replies, "doctor said you gonna die!"

☺

An old maid wanted to travel by bus to the pet cemetery with the remains of her cat. As she boarded the bus, she whispered to the driver, I have a dead pu$$y.

The driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him and said, "Sit with my wife. You two have a lot in common.