I just broke up with my boyfriend a few days ago. We have known each other for years and started dating 4 1/2 months ago. After 2 months he went to AZ (we're from CA) for school. Everything was great until he started school 2 weeks after he moved. Since then he has been acting weird and started smoking pot again since all his friends at school do it around him. He is stressing about money. He stated that we couldn't date because he is too stressed and I am too far away. I offered to move out there but he said he doesn't want to be tied down. My boyfriend has never been like this, he is one of those guys (and been since high school) who wants to get married and have kids and now he is going through this phase. Should I stay by his side until he figures things out or should I drop the friendship/relationship? Is he just like this because of the guys he's around? HELP!!!
2006-06-23 17:40:59 · 24 answers · asked by Natasha 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He is 25, we aren't a bunch 18 year olds. I have lived in the real world for the past 8 years.
2006-06-23 17:48:12 · update #1
The smoking pot started about a week and a half ago. His best friend moved out there with him and he is a huge pothead and didn't respect his wishes about the weed. He says he loves me but he isn't sure what is going on right now. He isn't working because his parents were going to pay his bills so he could concentrate on school but one parent flaked, that's why he is stressing about money. He hasn't bought weed (yet) because his friend has a bunch to last them. From what I have been told.
2006-06-23 17:57:21 · update #2
About the tied down part - he said he didn't want to be in a relationship - tied down with anyone - not me specific. He needs to figure out what to with his life right now.
2006-06-23 18:02:12 · update #3
He is getting to live his life, not only without parents but he has a whole new freedom he has never had before. I bet is he just has to get some things out of his system. I would let him go. Put things on hold to let you two live life apart for a while. From the sound of how strong you guys are everything will be fine. The saying, "Love is like a butterfly, let it go and if it is meant to be it will come back" is truer then ever in this senario. He is learning and seeing alot of new things and probably wondering if there is something else he should be doing with his life. He will experement with different things, realize nothing is better then what he has at home and come back. It is nothing agianst you, it's just someting people have to do sometimes. If he doesn't do it now, he may do it later and it could ruin your relatioship forever. My husband decieded to do it a couple of months AFTER we married, and if it weren't for me realizing what he was going through, I'd have left him. I almost did regardless. But I decieded to see if he had really come to the truth that it was me he wanted, he had and 5 yrs later, we're doing great. But it caused a lot of unnessary strain and stress on the realationship. If you really love him and want it to work, let him do what he needs and don't hold anything agianst him later. He'll come back. Good luck
2006-06-23 17:56:47 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he doesn't want to be in the relationship anymore. He probably wants to see other people and wants to let you down easy. But the whole smoking pot thing makes me think he's just too high to give a s*** about anything.
2006-06-24 00:44:32 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since you've known eachother for years, I'm sure he doesn't want to hurt you, but it also sounds like he really doesn't want anything to do that involves a serious relationship right now. He's told you straight out that he doesn't want to be tied down. There's no reason you can't still be friends, but if someone else comes along that you like....go for it! I'm sure you'll be happy you did. Good luck in whatever you choose
2006-06-24 00:50:19 · answer #3 · answered by trueblond195 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i been though this 2 but he lived on the west side and i live on the south side and it was kinda like what ur going though but he didnt smoke it was basketball he was so full wit basketball he never had time for us now u ask what he maen he dont want to be tied down did he mean he didnt wonna be tied down wit u ask him that but u and him need to sit down and talk u pull him 2 the side and talk 2 him and tell him that ur hear for him and let him know hes not by his self on this and he dont have to somke cuz his boyz doing it the best think 2 do is tell him how u feel
2006-06-24 01:00:17 · answer #4 · answered by tiffany h 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Distance is a MOTH*!many say with relations,Mmmmmmmmmm!Girlfriend!sorry it happens to not just you!been there done that?P-pressure!Pot!Stressing!?This is his deal,the guy done got a taste of awhole new out look on life for now,where he feels there isn,t enough room for the girlfriend stuff alot more oppotunity,alot more happenings,which is going on around him!I have nothin against the pot thang,but seems like his focust is off abit!with the so called friends and his schooling?Honey,bout right now!He,s like a kid in the candy store!Phase?Somewhat?cause he,s finding self abit more(him)weighing out the options not only with you or what you shared!all what he wishes to do ,kids etc?Cool it may not be with you ever thought?so,if you desire to be his finantial burden and not getting what your heart deserves or treated by him(respect)even at a distance!which he makes clear he isn,t feelin such right now?I would be that woman and break it down to him,look if that,s what you want cool and when you have time for me if haven,t found someone else by then,handle yo!bizzness!holla when you can!?stayin by his side for what he,isn,t willin to stay by yourside!?no girl it,s not because of the guys,?Drop that Zero and find you a HERO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!stay strong in your choice but hun you deserve one(guy)whom loves you no matter what?sleep on it!and you,ll get over it!TRUST!!!!!!!!
2006-06-24 01:08:32 · answer #5 · answered by sheena s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie it's time to break up. 18 year old guys are seldom ready for serious relationships and even more seldom committed to long distance relationships. Make yourself happy. Find a guy you like who lives in your area.
It may be just a phase, but it will probably last until he's 25 (conservatively).
2006-06-24 00:46:27 · answer #6 · answered by yLime 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Natasha, sooner or later you'll find out anyway, so let me be the one to tell you. I'm sleeping with your boyfriend.
no no no no, I'm just kidding. Just a little ice breaker there. !! However, it does sound like he wants his freedom from a relationship. Drop him like the pig that he is, and stay closer to home. You'll find in the long run, that this will be your best choice. Good luck.
Gosh, I wish I was 25 again.!!!
2006-06-24 00:47:31 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you think he's worth it, stay with him. he could really use someone like you it sounds. he needs to realize that what he is doing is not good at all (smoking pot). but if he really doesn't want to be with you, the best thing you could do is to respect his wishes and just be a good friend. maybe someday he'll look back and wish to be more than friends with you. just be supportive of him i guess.
2006-06-24 00:44:16 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you answered your own question.....he is going through this phase....he is not with you now and hes as free as a bird.
Sorry to tell you that...but its the truth
If you LOVE him go after him...
if you justify him just as your boyfriend....move on.
If he can not figure out why he is broke (cause of the pot) he needs his head examend...if u dont smoke it...dont be around it!
Coming from one that was on alot worse than pot....your can influence another...thats not good.
I wish u the best.
Follow your heart....but not his ways.
2006-06-24 00:51:28 · answer #9 · answered by BEENSAVEDTODAY? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no way, he can't blame how he's acting on who he's hanging out with. he's choosing to hang with them. in life you only do what you truly want to do. and that means he truly doesn't want to keep up his relationship and nice side, and he does want to smoke pot and act poor and stupid. you deserve somebody who is stable and doesn't treat you like a styrofoam cup. you're so loyal and thoughtful to even care and think this through, you definitely deserve better than somebody who puts his current wants over your established relationship.
2006-06-24 00:47:30 · answer #10 · answered by Hot Lips 4077 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋