Uninviting Bridesmaids?

Question

I'm engaged to be married in about 1 year. My fiance has settled on having 4 bridesmaids. Originally, she had asked several of her friends and a relative, but initially one friend declined. Later on, she asked my sister, who has already accepted. Well, in the last week, she told me that her friend who originally declined now may be available. So, she told me that she would probably want to remove my sister from the wedding party. I told her I didn't like the sound of that. But, then she told me that we could just have her sing a solo instead. Maybe, she insisted, my sister would consider this a more important role in the wedding? I still wasn't very cool with the idea, but I decided to let it drop for the time being. However, the more I think about it, the more I think it just seems a bit tacky. I'm afraid it will hurt my sisters feelings, and won't endear my fiance to the family either. Am I making too big of a deal over nothing?

By the way, she has two relatives in the wedding party. So, her side of the family is well represented.

Answer 1

That sounds very rude and inconsiderate to me. If she asked your sister then she asked her so she should stay. She can just let her friend know that the spot has been filled because she declined. I dunno man, but to me she is already setting a bad example for married life if she can't even stay true to her word and cant even show respect for your family. Looks like you got some thinking to do. Good luck.

Answer 2

I don't think you're making too big of a deal about this at all. This is your SISTER we're talking about - someone that you'll always have some connection with, not just a friend or even some other relative. I don't understand why your fiancee can't just have 5 bridesmaids. When I got married, I didn't even consider leaving out my fiance's sisters. It was a given that they'd be my bridesmaids. I agree that this would probably hurt your sister's feelings, and I think you should explain that to your fiance. Here's a chance to start working on some of that conflict resolution you'll have to deal with in your marriage! ;o) I'm hoping that if you just explain the situation to your fiancee that she'll agree with your side of it. I can't think of any good reason to take the chances of hurting your sister's feelings like that. Good luck! And congrats!

Answer 3

Definitely not an easy situation to deal with. One question: is anyone from her side of the family on your side (ie. a brother is a groomsman)? If so, the courteous thing would be for her to keep your sister in the wedding party. If there are concerns about your family liking her, it's definitely a bad idea for her to drop your sister and this needs to be pointed out to her.

Personally, she shouldn't drop your sister. This friend had a chance and said no - she's too late. It's not like she's not invited to attend the wedding.

Answer 4

I don't blame you for feeling the way you do. When the friend decided she wanted to be in the wedding your fiance should of told her that she was sorry but she had some one else. You don't ask some one then latter on drop them. That is not only tacky, but not nice either. You need to talk to her about how you feel about this matter. But if your fiance insist on having the friend it would be nice to let your sister be apart by singing.

Answer 5

you're not making a big deal at all...your fiancee' is being REALLY tacky. the friend declined...so she should not be included as a bridesmaid..your sister was already asked and accepted...your future wife wanting to cut her out of this important day is kinda heartless, not a good way to start a relationship with your family..it's your wedding too, you should tell your fiancee how you feel..if you don't you'll end up resenting her.

Answer 6

If I was the bride I will tell the person who declined that the "position has been filled' (politely) but then ask that person if they would be able to do a reading during the ceremony if that person is really special to me. But I would find something for that person to do in wedding even if it is handing out programs. It is rude to ask someone who has made the commitment to be in the wedding that they are not able to stand in the wedding party.

Answer 7

Weddings & funerals tend to bring out "the not so nice" in people. But you are right on track. It would be ultra inconsiderate for your bride to remove your sister. Have another bridesmaid added to the party if it's that important to her. Talk with her & just lay all the cards out on the table. Be honest. Contrary to popular beliefs, the wedding is not JUST about the bride.

Answer 8

That is a really bad idea on your fiance's part. If my brother disinvited me from being in his wedding I would have been crushed. It was very important to me to be a bridesmaid in his wedding and singing a solo wouldn't cut it. I have to tell you, I would have been really ticked off and probably this would have caused a serious fight in our family. Your fiance needs to tell her friend no or just add another bridesmaid and have 5.

Answer 9

I totally agree with you George. Tacky! Not to mention rude. Her friend had the opportunity the first time she asked and she declined. She'll have to stick with her decision of including your sister now. What a terrible way to start off in a new family...

Trying to strong arm your sister into singing a solo is just poor etiquette, and worse, it shows how fickle your bride-to-be is.
Good luck.

Answer 10

Ouch, sounds like someone is gonna get hurt. Put family in front of friends, espeically friends who declined. Tell the drop out friend about the situation and let her know that while she is very important she has been replaced by the bro's sis. While this puts you in a difficult place, you really should pursuade your bride to be of this conclusion. It seems like it is best for everyone.