How am I supposed to keep my mother from filing custody of my daughter when I move out at 29 with level head?

Question

I am 29 years old I have a way to keep getting better in life. I met the love of my life and I am moving in with him. I was pregnant when I moved back in with my mom and dad. They helped out through it all. I show gratitude and appreciation but now it is time I moved on with my own life. I didn't let them meet the b/f yet because he is out of town on his own family matters. Can't exactly have them meet him when he is gone. His grandfather is dying soon and they show no regaurd to the fact that it is out of state. I am for sure that I am going to make my life easier when I am able to have someone I love and trust watch my 6 month old while I have to work. I can't do that here because my parents work 10 to 12 hours a day and that gives me little to no time to do anything and be home to babysit the other two children of 5 year and 10 months old. They pretty much consume all of my time 5 days a week for 10 hours a day and on top of that it frees me up to take online college courses. Help?

Answer 1

Your mom can file all she wants, but unless you are on drugs, or your boyfriend is a pedophile, or either one of you is an abuser, she won't get your daughter. She has to prove you a bad parent. No court will give a child to the grandparents unless the mother is dead or totally incompetent.

Answer 2

April,

You cannot keep anyone from filing for custody if they wish. It is a request to the court and anyone can ask for it at any time. But whether they would be successful is an entirely different matter.

From personal experience I would say that courts are pretty lousy at deciding family problems. Somebody always loses and it is most often the child.

So my advice to you would be to approach your parents as a responsible adult and both ACKKNOWLEDGE and ADDRESS all of their concerns about your daughter's well-being. Even if you do not understand or agree with their concerns you should definitely acknowledge and address them. That is just what responsible adults in families do so don't be tempted to withold or maneuver. They will not likely bother filing at all if they feel they can trust your judgment.

It is not impossible, but it is highly unlikely that your parents concerns are 100% unfounded. They are adults with a lot of experience, even more than you, and their viewpoints can be valuable to you even if you don't agree with them. Don't throw the baby out with the bath water here by ignoring what they are trying to communicate to you.

I would also caution you that for most people "the love of your life" isn't. Take care not to make any decisions that are too radical concerning your daughter's life. She only gets one chance to grow up happy and there are a lot more ways to screw that up for her than there are to get it right.

Good luck to you on your new relationship with... your parents.

WK

Answer 3

You sound like an intelligent and responsible young lady. It sounds like you only want happiness for you and your child!

I speak from experience when I say that grandmothers and mothers do not always think alike. I shun my own daughters for behavior that is slightly (okay, sometimes more than slightly) familiar to my own when I was raising my children.

My feeling is that your mother made her own mistakes, and she wants to prevent you from making like or worse mistakes. Perhaps she is taking the wrong approach (been known to do that myself), but I bet she has the best intentions for both you and your child.

It is time for you and Mom to sit down and have a long DISCUSSION. Make a pact not to argue. Each of you should have a notepad, so you can make notes while the other one talks, but do not interrupt! I suspect that you do not clearly understand Mom's feelings and motivations. I suspect that Mom does not clearly understand your feelings and motivations.

You are looking at 3 generations of women here (eventually). That is something to be treasured. You two just need to sit down and have an honest and rational talk. Don't point fingers. Don't place blame. Just sit down and say, 'Moma, I do not like this friction between us. Please help me understand why you feel the way you do." LISTEN to her. If you hold your tongue and listen to her, she will be willing to listen to you.

Even if you still disagree, end the discussion with a hug.

My mother dropped dead with no warning (she was in perfect health) 12 years ago. You do NOT want to have an unresolved conflict if that happens to your mother or to you.

Answer 4

i am assuming from what u wrote the other two children are not yours , am i correct ? the only way ur mom or anyone else can take ur child is for u to b unfit , the child is being abused or neglected . if this can't b proved then u have nothing 2 worry about , it isn't against the law or child protective services 2 live with a man . it's time u had ur life & let mom & dad have theirs no matter what mom says . happiness to ur future .

Answer 5

Just because your mom files doesn't mean she'll get what she wants.The courts do not rip families apart for no reason.

Could it be that your mom is just trying to control you and by you moving out,she'll try anything to keep you there.I'm just thinking here.

Answer 6

Unless your mother can prove you are unfit they can't take your child away from you.