Does anyone know any good jokes?

Question

Make me Laugh

Answer 1

What did one cannibal said to the other cannibal while eating a clown? --Does this meat taste funny to you?!!

Answer 2

I have 2...

#1
Zen HotDog

So the Zen master steps up to the hot dog cart and says: "Make me one with everything."

The hot dog vendor fixes a hot dog and hands it to the Zen master, who pays with a $20 bill.

The hot dog vendor puts the bill in the cash drawer and closes the drawer.

"Where's my change?" asks the Zen master.

And the hot dog vendor responds...

"Change must come from within."


#2
A hillbilly walked into an attorney's office wanting to file for
divorce
Attorney: "May I help you
Hillbilly: "Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorces".
Attorney: "Well do you have any grounds?"
Hillbilly: "Yea, I got about a hundred acres."
Attorney: "No, you don't understand, do you have a case?"
Hillbilly: "No, I don't have a Case, but I have a John Deere."
Attorney: "I mean, do you have a grudge?"
Hillbilly: "Yea, I got a grudge. That's where I park my John Deere."
Attorney: "No sir, I mean do you have a suit?"
Hillbilly: "Yes sir, I got a suit, I wear it to church on Sundays."
Attorney: "Well sir, does your wife beat you up or anything?"
Hillbilly: "No sir, we both get up about 4:30 in the morning."
Attorney: "Well, is she a ****** or anything?!?!?!?"
Hillbilly: "No she's a little white gal, but our last child was."
Hillbilly: "That's why I want this dayvorce."

Answer 3

A robber was breaking into a house when he goes to grab something and he hears someone say Jesus is watching you. So he goes to grab something again and he hears someone say Jesus is watching you. So he looks around and sees a parrot and says hey parrot are you the one saying that. The parrot res pond's saying yes and the robber says what's your name.
The parrot says Robert the robber says what idiot would name a parrot Robert. The parrot laughs and says...The same idiot tht would name a pitt-bull jesus

Answer 4

i just received this joke from a text message..

there is this boyfriend and girlfriend..
bf: "hon, let's do 69!"
gf: "what is 69?"
bf: "it's easy.."

then they positioned theirselves..
while in that position, the boy farted 4 times..

then the girl reacted and said "omg! i cant do this anymore! i cant take anymore the remaining 65!"

lolz..

Answer 5

one day this guy went to the baseball game he had a pet rooster instead of calling it a rooster he called it a c*ck like in old days he couldnt get into the ballpark with his c*ck so he stuffed it into his shorts and they let him in he ended up sitting by this woman with popcorn in her lap that was on her cell with her friend and then he remembered his c*ck so he unbuttoned his shorts so it could breathe and stretch the woman started talking to her friend about the c*ck and her friend was like my husband has a c*ck and she said no way ive never seen it and seen most of the stuff he has she was like youve seen one youve seen them all what is so special abt this guys c*ck the woman replied he has his head in my lap and is eating my popcorn......

Answer 6

heres a joke ''A blind man was walking down the street and then he passed by a fish market and said hello ladies''.

Answer 7

3 guys walk into a bar

One ducks

Answer 8

God's leftovers:

Seems God was just about done creating the universe, had a couple of left-over things left in his bag of creations, so he stopped by to visit Adam and Eve in the Garden. He told the couple that one of the things he had to give away was the ability to stand up and pee. "It's a very handy thing," God told the couple who he found hanging around under an apple tree. "I was wondering if either one of you wanted that ability." Adam popped a cork!! He jumped up and begged, "Oh, give that to me! I'd love to be able to do that! It seems the sort of thing a Man should do. Oh please, oh please, oh please, let me have that ability. I'd be so great! When I'm working in the garden or naming the animals, I could just let it rip, I'd be sooooo cool. Oh please, God, let it be me who you give that gift to, let me stand and pee, oh please........." On and on he went like an excited little boy (who had to pee ).

Eve just smiled and shook her head at the display. She told God that if Adam really wanted it so badly, and it sure seemed to be the sort of thing that would make him happy, she really wouldn't mind if Adam were the one given the ability to stand up and pee. And so it was. And it was...........well, good. "Fine," God said, looking back into his bag of left-over gifts. "What's left here? Oh yes, multiple orgasms..."

Answer 9

A guy walks into a bar. Ouch.

Answer 10

a man and his best friend are checking out his new rifle with a scope. his friend says i can see your neighbors house. your wife is over there cheating. the man says shoot her in the head and him in the privates. his buddy says i can get that with one shot