sometimes I am mean to her and say alot of things that I dont mean, I say them b/c some things she says really hurts my feelings...but in the long run I make things worse and end up hurting our relationship more than fixing it...what should I do and what do you think I need to try to control my temper...??
2006-06-23 13:58:28 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
If you feel like you have to yell at your fiance because of the things she says to you or does, then you tell her "I love you but I can't talk to you until you calm down or I calm down" then leave the room. Don't sit there and start arguing with her just leave! Don't slam the door, otherwise it makes the other person think that you're mad. So close the door normally. Lock the door if you have to. Don't come out until everything and everyone calms down. Because when you are not calm, you're not yourselves and end up hurting each each other. Then when you're both calm, listen to whatever the other person has to say first, without interrupting, and then when it's your turn to talk ask the other person's permission if they could hear your side without interrupting. Also, avoid calling each other names! And avoid yelling or raising your voice because if you do that, the other person might be tempted to do the same. And instead of complaining to other person like "YOU did this or YOU did that..." because by saying "YOU" it sounds like you're attacking the other person. Instead, say something like "This is what I think or This is the way I see it" . For example. Say you came home one night and the dishes are piled up in the sink and dinner isn't cooked and you're tired and hungry. Instead of complaining to your wife and saying "I'm hungry! Why didn't YOU cook something? Why didn't YOU do the dishes this place is a pigstye!" say something like "Honey do you need some help? It looks like this place needs some work in the kitchen department LOL"
Another scenario. ..let's say your wife comes home late at night and you're wondering where she's been. Instead of saying "Where the hell YOU been? I've been worried sick!" say something like "Is everything all right? I was worried about you since I wasn't informed that you were going to be late". Another scenario. Say you're wife bought a $200 dress or purse. Instead of saying "What the f***k did YOU spend all that money for without asking me?!" say something like "That sure is an expensive dress. What's the occassion? I hope you're aware that money is tight this month." Now do you get the picture?
2006-06-23 16:42:39 · answer #1 · answered by choosinghappiness 5 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Whoa wait up a minute are you getting cold feet cause this is probably the number one stresser. So saying things that you don't mean can actually be what you really are feeling right now. Maybe you two could call off the wedding and have a little chat on the way you to talk to each other. I mean this will be how it is for the rest of your life do you really want to have that kind of relationship forever. Remember forever is a really long time. Marriage should be a life time commitment. I'm not married and am not ready cause of the way we treat each other and so far nothings changed him or myself. Although I am reading a really good book to try and improve my side of thing now the rest is up to him.
2006-06-23 21:10:15 · answer #2 · answered by littlins 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just relax. You are one week away form the wedding and that is a source of stress. I got married 4 years ago and I remember how we could get stressed with each other organizing the wedding. This will pass.
In fact, organizing the wedding can be a very good first experience for your couple to see how you can cope in stressful situations. It is a great event and you want it perfect because it means a lot to both of you.
It is very good sign that you acknowledge that you can be hard on your wife to be, saying things you don't really mean, but this happens to anybody, and you will learn to communicate better with each other with time. Just keep in mind previous situations when you could have said things differently and imagine a more positive ending!!! Keep on the good work and congratulations!!!!
2006-06-24 03:08:35 · answer #3 · answered by thegreaterescape 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you got problems like this and you are getting married in 1 weeks time. sure every one says things that hurt each other we wouldnt be normal if we did not do that. the only thing you are doing is defending your feeling to stop your self from hurting every time she says something bad to you. and visa versa. you both got to quit this crap and sort it out fast. sit with her and speak tell her exactly what you have told us. when was the last time you both had time together instead of stress due to organising the wedding. cause this causes a lot of stress to more on the womans side that the man because we all dream of this wedding one time or other. spend some quality time together before the wedding chill out a little stop paniking. i think you are both stressed. good luck and congratulations.
2006-06-23 21:06:32 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
its okay you are going through the wedding jidders and that is normal what you need to do before the wedding is take a deep breath and relaxs it is hard on all for the planning. colors, gifts, the dress, the bridesmaids, best man, and the other in the group and then having to pay for it all. so for a swim and let off some of the steam that has buildt up and after it is all over you will see and things will stettle down for you both and good luck and i do wish you the best.
2006-06-23 21:15:47 · answer #5 · answered by LENORE P 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You 2 need to have a serious discussion. Maybe you should both have a mediator and lay things on the table. You both sound angry about something and you take it out on each other. It might be alright for a while but it will get old and I mean quick. This should be resolved before a marriage.
2006-06-23 21:04:08 · answer #6 · answered by Mache 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like the two of you are rushing down the isle prematurely. Maybe you should try some counseling to work out your communication problems. Intentionally hurting one another is not love its a definite sign of insecurity and weakness. I wish you both the best but maybe you should hold off on getting hitched for now.
2006-06-23 21:02:54 · answer #7 · answered by bebelucy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yup it would help to control your temper and not go out of your way to hurt your relationship. You should talk to her about it and let her know that she's hurting your feelings, because she might not even know she is doing it. Try loving on her instead of fighting, i bet you would like that more.
2006-06-23 21:03:34 · answer #8 · answered by James B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'M SURE U LOVE HER 2 BE MARRING HER. BUT U DEFINITELY NEED 2 CONTROL URE TEMPER! TRY TAKING DEEP BREATHS N COUNTING 2 TEN. BUT U ALSO NEED 2 TALK 2 HER ABOUT THE HURTFUL THINGS THAT SHE SAYS 2 U IT ISN'T RIGHT 4 HER TO MAKE U FEEL BAD EITHER. GOOD LUCK AND CONGRAGULATIONS!!!!
2006-06-23 21:23:54 · answer #9 · answered by sexysweetbudsmoker 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need an anger management course.
Also you might want to hold off on the wedding for a while until you are convinced that the two of you CAN get along.
2006-06-23 21:02:15 · answer #10 · answered by Kasha 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋